Withering Soul

If She is Really Fine

That night, I decided to debut. I had to. I had to stay in that place for a long time to watch over her. I could just stay waiting for another group formation, but it would be a bad break waiting for another 4 years to start my career. Yes, I had to debut. While staying there doing my things, there might be a chance for me to get to know her more. My curiosity was even getting bigger. My feelings towards her were growing into something stronger. I only had to stay there, to be with her.

My stand-point changed. I did all my might to put my name higher in the rank. I made my name in the 6th position 3 months before my debut. In February 2017. There were only 9 of us and they announced that there would only be 7 members in the group. It meant that 2 more people would get to be dismissed from the line. I was lucky I had Lucky with me. Despite the harsh competition, he managed to be an older brother to me. We still had warm talks like we usually had. We still had jokes. We still laughed out loud at funny things. We were still brothers. But when we got into the practice room, when we danced, sang or composed music, we professionally changed our stance. We were colleagues. At a monthly evaluation, at the end of March, the line for the group would be announced. And it was a relief, my name was in 3rd place. One mission accomplished. I was going to debut with the group by the end of June, but before doing so, mom and dad had to attend a meeting with the company discussing the contract agreement.

I got a big hug as soon as mom and dad reached the room. They had just had the meeting and were about to discuss a list of agreements with me before signing it. I couldn’t hold my tears, marking the end of the struggle I had been through. I was not sure if it was an accomplishment or an achievement for me. But I did believe mom and dad had decided the best things for me to do, for my own life. And I loved them for supporting me no matter what I chose to do.

“Zev, I am so proud of you. It was not easy, but you did it”, Mom said while wiping the corner of her eyes with the tip of her finger. She hugged me close and rubbed my back gently. Then dad did the same. After a few minutes, they conditioned me to a serious discussion.

“We got the list of agreements. Before signing it, we think it’s important for you to read and understand them in detail.” Dad started the meeting.

“And it’s not a short time, Zev. You will be bound to the contract for 5 years. It means that the things that you have undergone so far will continue for the next 5 years and it might be even more difficult.”

“Yes, Zev. Things like freedom and doing things as you please are not allowed anymore. The moment you introduce yourself as an idol, you belong to the public. Your words, expression, attitude and your every move will be monitored and evaluated. Sometimes, you will receive harsh words from people for things that you think you did well, just because they don’t like you. But, there will be many things that you can do; expand your capacity and talent and be the person you want to be. If you think you are ready for all of it, we will sign it now and meet the board.”

“Yes mom, I know. I have come so far, I won’t back off. I have trusted your decision from the first time. I will walk this pathway till I think it’s enough. Is it okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Like, if you want to do other things, let’s decide. But remember, not until 5 years later. Okay?” I nodded.

“And mom, do you remember Sofie?” I did hope they remembered her, especially mom. She gave a genuine expression of pity, remembering that name.

“Sure, I remember her. Dad, she is Brenda’s daughter. We often invited her to our house when they were in the same elementary school.” Mom looked at dad to check if he was following our topic. Dad opened his mouth and nodded as a sign that he remembered.

“And what’s up with Sofie, Zev?” Mom probed the topic more. I looked at her seriously, and wanted to tell them that the matter was very important to me.

“It happens that she is here, mom.”

“Wow! Really? Ah, Brenda…” Mom’s eyes started to be teary. “She follows her mom too? Have you met her?”

“Yes, she joined last January, the badge after us, for the girl group. She saw me and asked Ms.Lee for us to meet. You know, we can’t actually meet. I mean mom and dad... before you leave this place after signing the contract, can you please meet her? And if you can, have a talk. I just wanna make sure that she is fine…” dad and mom threw their eyes at each other. And they looked at me, checking the meaning of my words from my expression. I begged them, through my eyes. I was sure mom understood what it meant.

“Sure, because she is here. It’s a must that we meet. Let’s do it later. I will talk to Ms.Lee”

“Thank you mom”. I hugged mom.

“Mind telling me Zev, is there any other meaning to this? Or is this still about the pity of seeing someone like her from years ago?” mom whispered.

“I don’t know. I was so happy when I knew she was here and seeing her all fine. She changed mom. I mean it’s good to see her change for the better. But I feel weird at the same time. I want to make sure she is really fine”

“All right, let’s see later. And I will ask Ms.Lee if Sofie can visit us as her family every time she has a day off. What do you think?” I hugged her closer.

“Thank you mom…”

“Anything for my precious son”

After finishing the final meeting, we were sent back to the same room, waiting for Sofie. To be honest, I missed her. Was that longing? Not really sure. I tried, many times, to make any attempts so I could bump into her. It happened once or twice only seeing her all excited seeing me, and it was not good. For some reasons, we were not allowed to do things which could distract us from doing our utmost best during the time we were trained. One of them was having a relationship with the opposite gender. We had to show that we 100% focus on making achievements. Because of that, I stopped making any attempts, and, I had to focus on making myself included in the line for debut. Mrs.Lee came in with a beautiful girl. I gasped in awe. She was freakingly beautiful, her face, her body, just everything seemed to grow up well. She was only 13ish, almost 14 years old! Mom excitedly welcomed her and hugged her, and she did the same.

“Sofie!”

“Aunty”

“Goodness, you grew up well dear. You are so beautiful!” She was giggling while hugging mom closely. She looked happy until mom said something.

“Ah, Brenda should see this, she must be happy seeing you grow up, even more beautiful than her.” mom said excitedly. And the air in her face changed quickly into dark emotion, she bared her teeth. I was a bit surprised. Sofie, she hid something. Mom took her hands and framed her face in her hands,

“Dear, how’s life so far?” she tried to shift her expression back to being happy.

“Good aunty. As you can see. I am all good”

“Oh, thank goodness”, mom hugged her again. Then dad took his position to do the same, hugging her. And she welcomed dad with a smile.

“ Ms.Lee, is it okay if we take Sofie out for lunch?” Ah mom, thank you! I was so happy with the idea.

“Sure. They are in the middle of practice and are having a lunch break. Mmm… because this is a long-time-no-see meeting, Sofie will be allowed to take another hour to have a reunion”, She said while throwing her smile at us.

“Thank you Ms.Lee. We will make sure Sofie will be here in two hours.”

We walked out of the building and across it was a line of buildings for many purposes. Clothing and fashion stores, restaurants, cafes, hotels and other kinds of business offices. We went into a Korean food restaurant which served authentic Korean dishes. We ordered rice, beef soup, braised chicken, grilled fish and complete side dishes. Mom made sure our table was set exactly like we ate at home. While chatting about trivial things, commenting on the menu and food, we finally got to eat the food served in front of us. As usual, mom took care of Sofie’s plate. Once in a while, dad did the same. They did the same to me. Placing any kind of food on our plate or spoon. We enjoyed the food, maybe because we were hungry and I was glad Sofie ate well. Just like she did years ago, even without words, every time it’s time to eat, she eats well amongst us. Stage 1, that’s enough. Eating well was a sign that she was fine. After the food, we ordered dessert. Sofie and I had banana ice cream, dad and mom enjoyed their tea.

“Sofie, you should visit us if you have a day off. Let’s have fun. I think it’s time for us girls to do cooking and baking, then eat. What do you think?” she smiled happily and nodded while enjoying her ice cream.

“Tell Ms.Lee, or should I tell her? That you will visit us?” She nodded again while smiling. Just like that. Not much. She didn’t talk a lot since her mom’s name was blurted out by mom. She responded happily, and yeah, that’s enough. We walked back to the building. I went back to my dorm on the top floor and dad and mom planned to hand her directly to Ms.Lee before taking their leave. The dorm was empty. The other 6 members were taking their time discussing the contract agreement with their family. It would take 2 to three days. And the members who were not in the line for the debut had taken their leave. They might join again when another boy group was prepared again, but I was sure, with the quality they had as trainees, they might have joined another agency to debut as idols. There were many, they only needed to attend them for casting and, if they were lucky, we might debut at the same time as different groups and agencies. Or sometimes, they might even debut before us.

Lucky was joining his family for the discussion. He might have many considerations to discuss since he was in 1st place, which meant his quality was top notch. Moreover, his experience that started when he joined other companies before us made it a bit more complicated. I guessed he might join me on the last day of our day off. I took my time overthinking about Sofie. The look in her eyes right when mom said her mom’s name, Brenda, was it resentment or anger? But why? Wasn’t it supposed to be her dad? I meant the villain in her life was her dad. The one who ignored his mom even when she was sick, he even went to the next level by having an affair with another woman at such a moment. Well, every husband in the world was supposed to accompany his wife, but he made it even worse. He took the woman to their house and met Sofie. If I were Sofie, I might go crazy. Not to mention being a woman herself, her dad did such terrible deeds. I can’t describe the kind of anger which might exist in her heart towards her dad. He deserved it, he was worth thousands of hatred to Sofie. But, why Brenda? Her mom? The victim of the events. I arranged and kept so many questions in my mind, I was determined to know the answer. I didn’t plan to just let things go away like in the past. Maybe, on one of the times when we met, on her day off, at our house. I wished it would really happen. I planned to ask all the questions which had been planted in my mind for years.