Withering Soul

I Found Her

I dressed myself a bit. After having a shower, I put on casual clothes. My destination was the food court again, hunting for meals for lunch. Meals for two.

‘Yes, let’s knock on the door, Zev, unless you can wait for another year. Let’s not do that buddy.’ I got chicken and pizza in my hand and headed to the door. There was a button with a bell sign. I pressed it once and waited. No sign at all. I repeated it one more time over a lapse of 1 minute. She might still be sleeping? I looked at my wristwatch, it was 2p.m. impossible. She should have woken up hours ago. The second bell was not in function, no sign that I would get into the house. I stopped for a few minutes while checking my handphone. And I pressed the bell again. After the 5th, it finally opened. Yes, after 5 minutes or so waiting and standing outside the door. A beautiful girl, in lingerie, which made my heart beat quite fast but I tried to control it well, with messy hair and sleeping face, opened the door. She squinted her eyes, checking me, she was half asleep. I opened my face mask.

“Sofie…” I was hopeful she would remember me and let me in, well, because she could just kick me out right that second. She tried to sober up. Well, the smell of alcohol was still there.

“Oppa?” I smiled, thank god he remembered me. She gestured her hand to let me in, she walked in front of me and I closed the door behind me. I was a bit grumpy. That easy? She let a man inside her house just like that, casually? I brushed that thought off.

‘Zev, you’re not just any man buddy, you’re her oppa.’ oh yeah, I was.

She headed to the living room and took a seat leaning her body on the backrest, closing her eyes. Seeing the situation, she might forget that I was a man or she might not have any clue about the natural instincts of a man. With such fair and clean skin and a gorgeous body, with a big-sized breast, she only wore a soft pink one-strap lingerie covering only half of her thighs. I could clearly see her black panties and bras behind the lingerie. Gosh! I tried to hold back the growing desire in me. While thinking, how could she act in such a comfortable manner around me? But another side of me was feeling relieved that she was. I put the boxes of food on the bar table which partitioned the kitchen from the wide room. I went back to the sofa and covered her with a silk blanket I found in the armrest of the sofa. I took a position right in front of her sitting while observing her look. She really grew up to be a fine and gorgeous girl. And I smiled at myself. Yes, I was that stupid. Some slides of stories and memories about her, us, flying about my head. How could that tiny, messy, timid girl turn into such a gorgeous lady? It was amazing. She was pure Korean, but she looked a lot like someone from the middle-country in a smaller size. Another part of her I was thankful for: I was taller than her, hahaha! Ain't I a bit stupid? Whatever.

After half an hour she moved and growling softly, she opened her eyes. And I smiled at her. She smiled back at me. And it was heaven. I enjoyed the sight. I bet she could see how stupid I was looking at her intensely, smiling and muted.

“Oppa…” she called my name while putting herself in a comfortable position on the sofa. I was still giving her the smile, all I had right about that time. In other words, I was speechless.

“How do you know that I am here?” She casually continued the chat.

“Aren’t you hungry?” I wished she could turn her appearance into something more covering. The cleavage line of her breast showed really well, I had swallowed my saliva really often while trying not to show it to her.

“Ah, yeah, we should eat. Are you hungry?” she responded to that quickly. I thank god. She got off the sofa, made a gentle movement, folded the blanket and placed it back on the armrest and walked to the kitchen. She saw the boxes of chicken and pizza.

“Oppa, you brought these?” She looked excited. She opened the boxes and grabbed a cut of pizza and started chewing. She put back the other part of the pizza and walked inside the kitchen. She took two bottles of orange juice from the fridge, placed them on the bar table and took 2 glasses.

“Oppa, let’s eat.” She pointed to the chair facing the table, she took a seat herself, opened the bottle and poured the juice into the glasses and placed them in front of each of us. I sighed. A kind of hopelessness. She didn’t intend to change her appearance in front of me. I had no choice, I took a seat beside her. And asked myself to enjoy the food just like her.

“Tell me, how do you know that I am here?” She insisted on asking the same question while chewing the chicken.

“How long have you been living here?”

“Since the scandal broke. You know it, right?” I blamed myself for just having found her around that time. I missed 3 months seeing her. While she was right below me. Goodness!

“I know. My dad and mom visited your house hoping to meet you there. Why not live there?”

“No reason. I just like to be alone, by myself”

“Happy now? That you are alone?”

“Well, I think so. Not happy, but at least I can live in peace”, she drank her juice and continued eating another piece of pizza.

“I live right above you”, I pointed up to the ceiling. She looked at me wide-eyed and changed her expression to excited.

“You mean the house on the 10th floor?” she pointed to the ceiling following my gesture. I nodded. “Really?” and she giggled while shaking her head in disbelief, but I was happy seeing the happiness in her eyes.

“I saw you last night in the lift”. I hoped she would be surprised, but she responded lightly, as if nothing was wrong with that.

“And I bumped into Cara this morning in the lift and that’s how I conclude that you live here” she giggled.

“I must have looked really terrible last night, right?” She tried to bring up the topic in the chat like nothing was wrong with that. I sighed, so it was only me who thought that it was wrong. Did we live in two different worlds? I would feel embarrassed if it was me.

“A bit. Where were you from last night?”

“You know, her mom owns one of the most crowded clubs in the city, we could easily access the place. We had fun.” I found an answer to my question. She could get into the club that way.

“You know how to have fun?” she giggled again.

“Well yeah, that was one way. Not that fun actually, but the company I got helps a bit. Cara is the only one I have in this big city. As long as she is there, it’s just fun” She was telling me how lonely her life was.

“How’s school?”

“Good. Well, I am not attending school. I am taking online courses to prepare for the GED certificate exam. And after that, I will think about university.”

“Does it mean that this house is your all-time space?”

“Yeah. Just sometimes, I hang out with Cara and have fun like last night.”

“Well, you know that I am here now. Tell me if you need company” she smiled widely, looking at me, meaningfully.

“Thank you. I will. You gotta be ready. But I bet it’s gonna be hard, you are busy with stuff, right?”

“Yeah, the busyness is always there. Just let me know, I can manage my time. I am not the kind of president who rules the world so that I don’t have time to have fun”. I meant to make us laugh, and we did.

“You know how to have fun? I bet your life is just around the studio and the rooms for practice”, it was said in sarcasm, I guessed.

“We have you. You can teach me how to have fun” she giggled while looking at me, teasing me.

“How old are you, oppa?” I laughed while receiving the question.

“Not gonna tell you. One sure thing; I am older. That’s why you call me oppa”

“That’s what I mean. What have you been doing? You don’t know how to have fun?”

“Yeah, I was too busy making money.”

“You act like a grandpa now.”

“Right? Sometimes I think that I act like a grandpa, too wise for my age, don’t you think so?” she laughed out loud.

“Are you proud of that?”

“Well, I have to be proud of one thing, rather than nothing at all.”

“Do you even have a girlfriend?”

“Well…” she burst into laughter.

“I bet no.”

“How do you know?”

“Someone who has a girlfriend won’t take that long to answer such an easy question” she teased me! I had no choice, my expression might tell it all. I laughed at myself.

“Woah, you’re even able to see people now, Sofie. You grew up faster than me.”

“I bet” she started to move around organizing the table. I helped her by placing the boxes in the trash bin. After cleaning up, she led me back to the sofa.

“I think I need to clean myself, oppa. You may watch TV or yeah, anything, okay?” I sighed softly, relieved, finally she knew how to appear like a normal person. She left the room.

I swept the room with my gaze. It was just the same size as my house on the upper floor, but I organized every space into good uses. I managed to have 2 big rooms, one is for me and another one is a guest room, just in case dad or mom intended to visit, which never happened… and the other two rooms for an art studio and a music studio. The rest of the space was enough for a kitchen and pantry and a living room with a 5-seater sofa set with a table and a wide screen LED TV. I tried to compare how she managed hers. There were two doors, meaning two rooms. That’s why the living room and the kitchen were spacious. And another glass room, with a curtain. I was a bit curious about what was inside, but I held back. I guessed I would have another time to know what it was for. She left one side of the wall, closed with a curtain, soft colors of purple and pink layers. I walked towards it and parted the curtain an inch wide and gasped in awe. There was a glass wall and the sight of many buildings. It was not grand, but enough to make me feel that I was somewhere living in a high place and could throw my look below. Well, in a somewhat not really high place. And a big glass display had been catching my attention since the first time I set my feet in the house. She placed all the pretty and nice things inside. Some family portraits, with, I was sure they were grandma and grandpa. I knew her dad and mom, and none of their faces appeared in any photos. There were about 10 or so, and some of them were her portraits alone. Another part of it was portraits of her trainee and debut moments. Her individual photo, the same with her individual poster hanging on the other side of the wall, a really big one, and others with her members from The Angels. And some portraits of only the two of them, with Cara. It pinched my heart, giving weird feelings. And she placed many albums by her favorite singers with their signs and some merchandise was arranged well. It was a museum of her interest and hobby, so I concluded it that way. And I found a portrait of us. When dad and mom visited me to sign the contract, we had lunch together. Among the many photos we took that day, she printed two of them. The four of us, dad, mom, she and I, and one was the only both of us. I felt overwhelmed by the sight, it meant that we had a special place in her heart, which not even her dad and mom had the privilege of. I did my work as a curator explaining her museum to myself and even put some interpretation into it, and I was a bit relieved to know that she, indeed, knew how to enjoy life. It was not total sadness at all. I started to seek any chance of starting a conversation about her very story from 9 years ago.