HER

Chapter 3

Lily was out cold. She had partied all night getting high on meth. Her friends had been with her of course, she couldn’t party without them. She hadn’t even been herself most of the night. Cheryl, one of the girls in their little group had switched the meth with cocaine sometime during the night. Lily’s head had been spinning and pounding half the night but she had learned to embrace it over the years. That was what got her through every second of her existence which she hated herself for. When her family died, she was wrecked with guilt and so much pain within that she inflicted pain on herself to distract her from the one within and so far, it has worked. She hadn’t tried to come back from it because there was no use now. She loved the feeling of getting high, it made her feel alive, made her happy and God knows she hadn’t had much of that when she was sober enough to feel something.

There had been one-time Dana had tried to get her clean and she had been, for the period she had been at rehab but the day she got out she met with her friends and the next day she fell back into old habits. That month she had spent at rehab had been the worst. Getting clean wasn’t something she could not do because asides the pain and struggle of getting clean, there was also the pent-up feelings coming back to haunt her. The feelings she had pushed down to the depths of her being bubbled back up when she was sober enough and she didn’t like that one bit. It messed with her and made her want to push it back into the black box and lock it up forever. She hated feeling except it was when she was high, that was different. The thrill, the rush, the heightened hormones was what she loved and she wouldn’t change that for anything.

Beside her Cheryl laid in Lily’s shirt, her thong peeking out from the side. She had met Cheryl when she moved from Boston to Seattle with Dana after she’d gotten her master’s degree. Dana had wanted to get an apartment closer to her parents’ place because her parents didn’t like her very much and hadn’t wanted her in their home, but Lily had declined. Cheryl had been with her through the tough times and Lily loved her for it.

There was a knock on the door just then but Lily and Cheryl were knocked out to even hear a thing. Dana was starting to worry; she’d been knocking on Cheryl’s door for a while now but no one was answering. She knocked again and she was startled when someone walked up behind her.

“You again.”

Dana almost rolled her eyes at Cheryl’s landlord.

“Yes, me again.” Dana said “Now open the door.”

Every time Dana had been here, no one answered the door; she’d gotten Cheryl’s landlord to open up because she had been scared for her friend and that in turn had made him scared but not so much that he unlocked Cheryl’s door without her tipping him.

He put out his hand as she placed a hundred in his palm and just like that, open sesame. Dana walked straight to the bedroom and sighed when she saw Lily on the other side of the bed with Cheryl’s arms around her. Dana walked towards Lily and shook her awake.

“Lily. Lily, wake up.” Dana groaned as she checked Cheryl’s table for the speaker and smiled. She hadn’t moved it again.

Dana walked to the table searching for Lily’s favourite tune; connected the speaker to her phone, turned up the music and hit play with a smile. Loud rock music filled the room, almost deafening, Lily and Cheryl were awake with their hands covering their ears.

“Ok. Ok. We’re up.” Cheryl said as Lilly groaned above the music.

Dana disconnected her phone with a relieved sigh.

“I need to take out that speaker.” Dana smiled at Cheryl’s comment which was beginning to sound like a broken record.

“You make it worse.” Lily groaned beside Cheryl in a tank top and underwear.

“No, you do that all by yourself, I just snap you out of it.” Dana made her way round to Lily’s side. “Now get up and let me take you back to your apartment.”

Lily fell backwards into the mattress.

“What’s the use of going back when I’ll just come right back here.”

“Besides, her roommate is never around.” Cheryl said.

“Kaylie has a very demanding job.” Dana would know because she knew how her dad could be and with him being Kaylie’s boss, that would be a nightmare for her.

“Yea well, I’m thinking of moving in with Cheryl.”

Dana almost had a heart attack the second Lily spoke the words. She had been fearing this moment since Lily started spending more time with Cheryl.

“How about you both freshen up and I take up out for a late lunch?”

“Burger and fries?” Lily asked.

“Extra fries.” Dana smiled.

“You had me at extra.” Lily got out of bed dragging Cheryl.

“I’m going to stay back.” Cheryl pulled her hand from Lily’s grip. “I have something to take care of.”

Lily stared at Cheryl before glancing at Dana.

“Alright.” She said to Cheryl and then to Dana “Give me a few minutes.”

Thirty minutes later and Dana sat across from Lily in a quiet diner; everyone was back at work. Dana watched Lily take big bites of her burger and stuff some fries in her mouth before she chewed and then sipped on some cola.

“Aren’t you going to have something?” Lily asked

“I had something during lunch.”

A Pinot Gris isn’t food she told herself. “So, what’s this about moving out of Kaylie’s?”

Dana didn’t want to say ‘moving in with Cheryl’ because she knew how Lily felt about her and ‘moving out of Kaylie’s’ seemed like the right way to go.

“Kay’s never home.”

“She works for my dad, Lily, you know how he gets with me. Just imagine how he is with his employees.”

Lily sighed.

“This really isn’t about Kay not being home.” Dana knew that. “I think Cheryl and I have come to a point in our relationship that we need to move in together.”

“Are you sure it isn’t because it is convenient for you?”

Lily stopped chewing and looked at Dana with that look she knew all too well.

Here we go.

Dana thought.

Lily put the half-eaten burger back on the plate and wiped her fingers.

“Do you have a problem with Cheryl?”

“You know I don’t.” Dana said “I’m just worried about you and I want you to be safe…and healthy.”

“I’m not a charity case, Dana.”

“No, you’re not.” Dana covered Lily’s hand with hers “You’re my best friend and I care about you.”

“If you do then you’d see how much Cheryl means to me.”

“I do. I just…want you to be careful.”

Lily looked away.

“You’re the only family I have who sees me as a person.” And I’m your only family, she wanted to add but decided against it. Lily would freak out and leave. It was fine if Lily knew how much Dana needed her in her life instead of the other way around. She wouldn’t have to feel like she was dependent on Dana for anything. Lily had always loved her independence and Dana admired that quality in her. She just wished Lily could snap out of her grief and see that she could make a better life for herself than the one she was currently living.

“I can take care of myself if that’s what you’re worried about.” Lily said

“I know you can.” Dana sighed.

But could she take care of herself while the drug was in her system and with Cheryl making things worse.

Dana knew Lily knew about Cheryl inability to stay sober for even a second. They both knew why Cheryl had decided to stay home rather than come with them. They would find her high if they went back to her apartment right this instant.

“Good.” Lily said “Now, let me enjoy this burger before you leave again.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Dana assured her. “I’m only a phone call away, always.”

Lily looked at her for a moment before she grabbed her burger and bit into it. She was starving from the drug wearing out. It was either food or more drugs. Lily loved the high but she wasn’t looking to kill herself.

“So, how’s Kevin?”

Dana sighed at the mention of her husband.