The Playboy Diary: Age of Innocence

Forty Days Later

There isn’t a worse feeling than that of losing the beloved ones. Leila’s heart sank into an excessive sadness, and her world darkened every time she went back to her grandparents’ empty house. Leila was a psychologist and had a separate apartment for her practice; the Imam made sure to secure her future before his death. However, she closed her office and spent her days sobbing in her grandparents’ house.

Every day at dawn, she would get up and pray, then have breakfast and pay a visit to the cemetery at sunrise. Had it not been for her strong faith in God, she would’ve faded into oblivion. She found comfort in reciting the Holy Quran and repeating certain verses that made her feel at ease.

“We will certainly test you with a touch of fear and famine and loss of property, life, and crops. Give good news to those who patiently endure— who say when struck by a disaster, “Surely to Allah we belong and to Him we will □all□ return.” They are the ones who will receive Allah’s blessings and mercy. And it is they who are □rightly□ guided.” The Holy Quran, Al- Baqarah, Verses 155-157

Seven days passed by as quickly as an unexpected lightning on a sunny day. It was in the morning on the seventh day that she went out to the cemetery as usual to see a stranger wailing at her grandpa’s grave. The sight was unusual, for she didn’t know any of her grandpa’s friends. The man, who was of medium height, with dark hair, apparently an olive skin, and somehow Sicilian features that resembled someone she knew, didn’t hold back. He wailed, sobbed, and cried like a woman. She watched him from a short distance before she could approach.

“Asalamo Alaykom,” she said greeting him.

He stopped crying, let out a deep sigh, and drew a handkerchief from his chest pocket to cleanse his tears before he replied.

“Wa Alaykom Asalam,” he said, then stood up and turned to meet her eyes.

Yes, definitely! He resembled someone, those light brown eyes! Where did she see them before?

“Are you visiting someone?” the man asked.

“Yes,” she answered, pointing at her grandpa’s grave.

He looked at her and carefully analyzed her features. He seemed odd, absent-minded, and … heartbroken.

“I’m an old friend,” he said after a while. Then, checking his watch he added, “I’ve gotta go, take care of yourself, sweetheart.”

She didn’t question him or inquire any further. She let him go, and when he was a few steps away from her, she shouted, “Are you a priest?”

He smiled to himself and waved goodbye without turning back.

She was puzzled, for he wore a black clerical attire and a cross necklace. She didn’t know that her grandpa had friends from other faiths, but … it didn’t matter. He was dead then.

Her days were dark and gloomy and for a whole month, all she could do was to cry herself to sleep, pray and go for early morning walks to the cemetery. She couldn’t even get back to work and half paralyzed she swung on the rope of denial back and forth until she got exhausted.

Forty days had passed before she could drag herself to work. Her assistant, "Lucy," was happy to see her and brought her a fine bouquet of flowers. Leila was touched by the gesture and gave her assistant a warm hug and one hundred dollars. Just kidding! She only gave her a warm hug.

"Oh, I forgot to bring you tea," exclaimed Lucy after they warmly greeted each other.

"It’s ok," said Leila, not meaning it; she loved having tea or coffee to boost her energy in the morning.

"No, I’ll get you some. Be back in a minute," replied Lucy and headed to the door.

"And get some coffee for you," said Leila.

Despite the warmth of her office, Leila felt cold and void. She got in, threw her bag on the sofa, and lay on the chair facing the window. She closed her eyes in an attempt to relax when she heard the door’s handle turning, and the door swung open.

"Lucy! Back already!" she exclaimed without turning back. "It’s a nice view!" a man with a resonant voice replied.

She recognized it; she hadn’t heard it for a quite some time, but she knew who it was. Her face turned pale as she carefully turned back in astonishment.

"The door was open," added the man, "You have a careless assistant," he remarked.

She allowed herself a moment to breathe before she could utter a word. "Not as careless as a father or… an uncle," she replied.

"May I sit down?" he politely asked.

"Yes, you may," she answered and sank into her chair.

He carefully settled on the sofa, placing his oak walking cane before him and relaxing his leg. The room then turned into a silent world that engulfed both of them. You could hear their thoughts dancing in the air, whispering the disappointments of the past, the chaos of the present, and the obscurity of the future.

"My condolences," the man said after a while. "Thanks," she replied rather indifferently.

He looked down at his leg as if contemplating over a certain event. She watched him and cautiously tried to decode his body language in her mind. He then reached for his chest pocket and drew out a white embroidered handkerchief.

"You’re still carrying that?" she inquired.

"Always," he replied, then placed it on the cane’s grip. "Your father passed away a while ago," he added looking at her.

"My condolences," she said coldly. "He’s still unburied," the man added.

"May he rest in peace," she said indifferently.

The man got up and slowly paced back and forth inside the room. Then, sighed, stopped, and faced her again.

"You must attend his funeral," he said in an authoritative voice. "This is not the sixties … uncle," she replied.

"Fair enough, I cannot make you! But, rest assured that his body won’t be buried until you come. So was his will and I swore to honor it."

"Then let him rotten," she blurted out without hesitation.

"Is that what your religion commands you to do?" the man asked.

"Don’t bring religion into this," she responded with clear disdain. "My religion doesn’t burden me with what I cannot carry," she added.

"Well, I’m sure you can carry this," he said and walking towards her, reached for his pocket and pulled out a card.

"This is my personal card; call me when you’re ready. As for now, think about what I told you, your grandpa would’ve forced you to go, but I wouldn’t," he said and touching his ivy cap, he bid her farewell.

In the evening, she went back home thinking about the two unexpected visits she had in the last past few weeks. She wanted to make a decision and not overthink the matter anymore, so she prayed and asked for an answer.