The Luna He Didn't Choose

Chapter 005

"You think this is easy for me?" Logan's piercing voice pierces the quiet like a razor. His hands are clenched into fists at his sides, and his jaw tightens. "Eli, I didn't request this arrangement. It doesn't follow that I'm not miserable just because you are.

The words I want to say are trapped in my throat as I look at him. A stranger has taken the place of the man I used to know, the lad who assured me that we would always be together. Anger, bitterness, and total detachment characterize the man who stands there.

"I never said it was easy," I yell, letting my own annoyance show. However, you are to blame for our presence. "If you had just—" Unwilling to complete the notion, I interrupt. Perhaps we wouldn't be standing in this desolate corridor, about to destroy everything we ever had, if he had simply spoken up for me and for us.

Logan's look is a mixture of frustration and something darker that I can't quite identify as he runs a hand through his hair. He turns away from me and paces a short distance before turning back to me. "You believe I don't give a damn? You don't think I'm also hurt by this? Do you not see? Eli, I lost you. I lost everything, even my dearest friend.

I was struck in the chest by the words. With my heart thumping in my ears, I take a trembling breath. "So, Logan, why did you push me away? When I most needed you, why did you distance yourself?

Something flickers in his eyes, perhaps pain or remorse, but it disappears nearly as fast as it came. His voice is low and threatening as he replies, "You want to know why?" "I couldn't stand to see you go downhill, so I shoved you away. I couldn't watch you crumble because of something beyond my control."

I don't know what he means, but I can feel the tension between us growing, the weight of everything unsaid looming large in the room.

"You think it was easy for me?" My voice is suddenly trembling as I ask. "You don't believe that when Lina vanished, I wasn't devastated? When did you vanish? Logan, I needed you. I still require you.

His eyes narrow as his face hardens, and I know that something is about to happen that I'm not ready for. "You want to know the real reason I pulled away?" His chest rises and falls with the intensity of his rage as he moves closer and speaks more quickly. "It’s because I could never—never—love you the way you needed me to, Eli."

The words cut like glass through me, and I freeze. "What are you talking about?" I mumble in a tone that combines hurt and incredulity.

As if unable to look at me, Logan takes a step back and runs a frustrated hand through his hair once more. His eyes dart to the floor. "I was unable to fulfill your request. Because I was still in love with Lina the entire time."

The blood runs down my cheeks. The room tilts and my throat tightens. Lina. My twin sister. My sister passed away. No one ever uncovered a sign of the sister who had been taken from us; she disappeared into the darkness. Even in my dreams, I could never get away from this one individual.

"You’re still in love with her," I utter, my words barely getting out. I feel as like everything I thought I understood has suddenly fallen apart, and the ground is slipping out from beneath me. "But, Logan, she's gone. She is no longer there. You are no longer able to adore her.

When Logan's eyes briefly connect mine, I see something—a sea of sorrow, a suffering so intense and unadulterated that it causes my own heart to weep with pity. However, it then solidifies, the Alpha-in-training's mask reappearing. He says, "She was my everything," in a tense, strained voice. And I—I let her down. I was unable to keep her safe. I was unable to protect her.

The words are like stones stuck in my throat when I swallow. "And you think pushing me away—shutting me out—was going to fix that?" I mumble, the pain and rage returning to me in a sudden, harsh wave. "You think that I would’ve been okay with you loving her when I needed you to love me?"

Logan looks away once more, and I feel like I'm being choked by the remorse and regret that surround him. "Eli, I never intended to cause you any harm. I pondered whether I could simply bury it. For a brief time, his voice cracks, but he quickly brings everything back under control. "I thought if I could just shut that part of myself off, it would protect you."

Keep me safe. What am I being protected from? From reality? From what I've always known but haven't heard much about till now?

Something harsh and bitter blossoms inside me, and I feel my chest constrict. "Do you really believe that I haven't been in pain the entire time? Do you believe that I haven't also felt the burden of it? losing Lina. losing you. This marriage was arranged. My hands shake, and I move closer to him as my voice rises to match the outpouring of feelings I can no longer contain. "Logan, you never supported me. Now you expect me to just—what? You left me when I needed you the most. Act as though nothing has changed.

I can tell I've touched a nerve when his eyes flash. His jaw is clenched, and I can see the flash of unadulterated misery behind his eyes. However, it vanishes, disappears once more, and is replaced by that icy, aloof gaze I've grown to despise. He spits out, "I never asked for any of this," in a harsh, resentful voice. "Not the authority, not the duty, nor the marriage. It was never meant for me to be the one to live. I shouldn't have been left standing here when everything else collapsed.

I feel the sting of his words, which are like a slap. "You think I wanted any of this?" I retaliate, my voice trembling with a rage I didn't realize I still harbored. "I wished you would stay with me. I wished to keep my sister. Logan, I didn't request any of that.

Both of us are unwilling to give up as we stand there in the oppressive stillness. My heart is racing, and the tears I've been suppressing for so long are about to come out, but I'm not letting them. Not before him. Not right now.

I can no longer bear to look at him, so I turn away. However, his voice stops me before I can move. He responds, "You’re right," in a voice so faint that it nearly disappears in the silence between us. "Lina wasn't the only thing I lost. We were lost to me. Furthermore, I have no idea how to fix it.

The weight of his words makes my heart churn in my chest, but before I can take it all in, I hear the distinct sound of footsteps coming from behind.

Someone enters the room as the door slams open. When I see who it is, my breath catches in my throat.

"Logan. Eli. We must speak. Something new has happened.

And I am aware that everything is going to alter once more at that very instant.