Loving her forever

chapter 4

Reyansh's pov,

It's been twelve years since that incident happened. It hurts me a lot like a b***h. Whenever I think about her, it feels like she is alive in front of me, but the next second the truth hits me hard that she is gone and never going to come back to this world. It's because of that, Rishi. He shouldn't have come between us. I want revenge from him on behalf of her. It's paining me hard like somebody blocking my heart.

"Dia" was my first love. When she smile, I felt like my heart stopped for some minutes, like some kind of magic had happened. Around her, I behave like a teenage boy. That great effect she created on my heart.

We met in college first year admission. After that, we became friends and my one-sided love is also growing with friendship. I prematurely waited for the right time to tell her about my love, but before I could confess my love, Rishi came between Dia and me.

If she hadn't met with that accident, maybe we would have lived like a married couple.

After her death, I drowned myself in alcohol. I am this much drowned in that thing. I didn't see. I was hurting my family member more than anything. F*****g three years I, detached myself from my family member. Not talking to anybody who tries to talk to me, I always get angry with them. One day, my room's door was knocked on by someone, and they tried to say something from outside, but I was not in the condition to open the door for them, whoever that was, and I wanted to shout at him or her, because of irritation. I gathered myself and opened the door. What I saw was my little sister. She is crying like a mess, like something happened, although her tears are saying the same thing as something that has happened.

"What happened, Aashi? Did you get hurt yourself or did somebody say something to you?" She is like a little bunny, at least for me. She is just twelve years old. I never saw her crying like this much. When I didn't get an answer from her, I asked her.

"Aashi, you scaring me. Tell me what happened?" Although I don't have strength to stand seeing her crying. I gathered myself.

"Bhaiya, Dad...dad" She couldn't complete her sentence because of the cry but tried to point toward the dining area and fear that's what I felt that time. As soon as possible, I ran toward the dining hall because I understood something had happened to my dad. That had a drunken state reached the dining area. What I saw was my whole body shook like somebody throwing me into a cold iced pond. After me, my sister also arrived. My brother Viraj took our father in his arms and went outside My Dadi (Grandma). I also went behind them. Our driver, Praveen, was already ready with the car. They got into the car and they drove away. My Dadi and Sister crying like mess. I went toward them trembling, because I was not in the state to even stand. How could I drive the car?

"Your dad was talking with us while having dinner, but I didn't know what happened to him? He just fell from a chair. That is why your sister tried to wake you up, but she failed. Viraj came, and he took Mahendra to the hospital." By that time, another driver had come with the car, and she told me to get into it and my sister and herself also got into the car. We were also behind my dad. All the ride was silent, but my sister cried more. Seeing her in this state, I felt guilt. Being the first child in the last three years, I have never taken responsibility for my family.

Why is all this happening to me? First my mother and then Dia. Now dad, oh... what am I even thinking? I shook my head.

After Aashi's birth, some time later, my mom died. You can say that we brothers are lucky enough to be with her, although we know what mother's love is, but Aashi never knew that. But today, as she was crying for our dad, I knew that she was terrified that she might lose our dad and why not after my mother. He tried to be both mother and father. I also took care of her after my mother. Until I decided to lock myself in my room and become an alcoholic.

I don't know what happened to him? But I want my dad back. He is the world's best father. I am not barbering because of drunk, he indeed. He knew how to love his children. Not only Aashi but also Viraj and me. He didn't make us miss our mother. If he wanted, he could be married to someone, but he put his children first priority and he never got a second marriage. What an f*****g I****t son of me. I never became that son. What he wanted. My own past flashed in front of me like somebody slapped very harshly to get from my long sleep which I am doing until now. I tried my best to open my eyes but when I slept, I didn't know.

My driver tried to wake me up but failed. I was in the car when somebody threw the cold water on my face and I woke up.

"What the hell?" I shouted.

"You got the hell with you, Brother." Viraj said angrily. As soon as I saw my brother, I got out of the car.

"How is da..." Before I could question him. He just pulled me toward the hospital garden. We were just staring at each other.

"Viraj... How is dad?" but he continued his staring at me.

"Viraj, don't look like that." I hate it when somebody makes me look like I am the culprit.

"Like how?" He asked. Crossing his arm.

"You know what I mean?" I told him. There was silent and I knew what was coming. Although he is three year younger than me, he does not like me. He is an ambitious person, and he knows what he wants from his life.

"Dad got his first heart attack." He told me his voice was calm but dangerous, but I didn't know how to react.

"How is he now? And where is he? I want to see dad." I tried to go inside the hospital. Before that thing happened, he captured my arm to stop me.

"He is fine, Reyansh." he told me. "But what is it with you, Reyansh? Do you even care about dad? If I hadn't come on time yesterday. Maybe he might not be alive today." he poured his bitterness all in his words.

"Viraj..."

"Don't shout at me. What do you think? Why did he get a heart attack?" I don't know what he is trying to say

"I don't know." I simply replied.

"You don't know, really? I looked at him, he continued.

"Actually you know the reason. Why? Or are you trying to escape from the situation like a coward?" he was just accusing me of something, but what I don't understand.

"Because of you, he got a heart attack." He just stabbed with his words.

"No, that's not the truth." I just pulled his collar. "You are lying." he pulled away his hand from his collar.

"Truth is always bitter. Dadi and Aashi tried to wake you up, but do you even care about what is happening around you? You are a selfish person and I didn't see a selfish person like you. He is getting old and as he gets older, he is taking tension and workload on himself. For workload, I will handle it for him, but what about tension?" He stopped talking. Until now, I had started to cry, because me, my dad, got a heart attack. That shows how much he worried about me. He also looked worried about me. I nodded my head at him to continue.

"Reyansh, he is very tense about you. You are literally destroying your life. And he is very worried about you. I was all the time on a hospital ride. It makes me think, why should he have to suffer like this, but his son doesn't have the strength to stand. How can he help his dad who got his first heart attack and all this chaos? You slept in the car during the hospital ride. That says everything about how responsible you are." His sarcasm, I didn't miss, and I felt ashamed, so I looked down and sighed. How long am I holding my breath? My brother is right, that is why I didn't argue with him. I just listened. He was expecting me to say something after what I heard from him. What happened last night? My words were lost. I wanted to say to assure him that I would change myself but nothing came from my mouth.

"Don't be ashamed. What has happened? It happened and nothing is going to change, but you can make your future better. Now I think you have got your right self, so before you drink, and get into that world again. Please come meet with dad. He is asking for you and one more thing, be the first child of our father. Don't let his guard down." before moving from the garden, he informed me that dad had shifted to a private ward and also the room number. I hurriedly went to the hospital washroom and washed my face, so I could look fresh.

I took the door knob to open as soon as I opened the door. Aashi came to me hurriedly and hugged me and I also hugged her after what she had gone through, even though I also needed to too. She is a real little bunny. A small smile appeared on my face. Dadi just adored the scene. Viraj was standing, looking at us. Dad was laid in bed but after seeing me, he started to sit on the bed.

"Dad...relex. What are you trying to do?" Viraj scolded him. And also helped Dad to sit down.

"I'm trying to sit." He said, which made us all laugh. After that, I went to him and hugged him and, I don't know when, I started to cry my heart out. My dad just kept patting my back. I peeled myself from my dad and looked at him.

"I am sorry dad. How are you feeling now?" I said with concern.

"I am fine and why are you sorry?" My dad questioned me.

"I just went on the wrong way, dad. I didn't realize that in all this mess which I created, you all have suffered with me and, moreover, what happened last night." My Dad looked like I said something which was not right. In those past three years, I avoided my dad. Not wanting to see his son destroying his life for a girl who is not alive today. Whenever we met, he looked worried, but that time I didn't give heed to him, but now I am feeling guilty. How I treated my family member. Last night I almost lost my father.

"I am an adult and should protect all of you but...," I lost my word again."I promising you that no matter what happens in my life. I am never going back that way." I assured him. He just smiled and hugged me more tightly.

"Now you are back, my child, I am happy about that, and you realize your mistake. That's enough". He said and everybody got emotional.

After six months, I got married to his friend's daughter, Samaira, and now I am a happily married man and have one child. But as said, you have to be happy for yourself, if not at least for your family. That's what I am doing now and that doesn't mean I don't love my wife. I love her a lot, I have hardly fallen in love with her. She is the one who made me realize that human beings are allowed to love and, when it's time, have to take a second chance and risk also.

I sighed, thinking about all this past thing. How long have I been ahead in my life? Leaving all the bad things and good also.

When dad granted permission, I was not happy when she said she was going to work for Dia's firm. I mean all over the world. She chose that firm and I tried my best to make her understand, but she is very stubborn. Now, I am regretting everything. Why have I allowed her to have everything from childhood? She has become stubborn. She knew how to play false drama, so that dad wouldn't deny her anything.

She has been trying to contact me, but I am not in the mood to talk with her because this time I am mad at her. Actually I'm afraid I will say something to hurt her because my past started to hunt me. I will talk to her later and short out the misunderstanding. I can't be mad at her for a long time. I am literally scared. That's why I am going to my wife, who is at her father's house.