chapter four
1110 Words
Anna's Pov
I said yes to Trevor three days later.
"You're making a mistake," Samantha said when I told her. We were at her apartment because she refused to come to the penthouse anymore.
"He's changing. He really is." I touched the necklace around my neck. "He's been so sweet lately."
"Anna, that's called love bombing. He's manipulating you."
"You don't know him like I do."
"I know enough." She grabbed my hands across the table. "I know he's abusive. I know he's controlling. I know he's killing who you used to be."
"That's not true."
"It is true. Look at yourself. You're not the same person you were two years ago." Her eyes filled with tears. "Please don't marry him. Please."
"I already said yes."
"Then say no. It's not too late."
But it felt too late. It felt like I had already gone too far to turn back.
"He added me to his will," I said. "And he bought me a house in my name. He's proving he's serious about us."
Samantha let go of my hands and sat back. "Oh Anna."
"What?"
"Those are just things. Material objects." She wiped her eyes. "A house doesn't mean he loves you. Money doesn't mean he won't hurt you."
"You're wrong. He does love me. He's just showing it his way."
"His way is abuse." She stood up and walked to the window. "But you're not going to listen to me are you?"
"I want you to support my decision."
"I can't support something that's going to destroy you." She turned around. "But I'll be here. When it falls apart. When you finally see the truth. I'll be here."
We barely talked after that, she stopped calling. I stopped visiting, the friendship we had was dying and I couldn't stop it.
The wedding was set for three months away. Trevor wanted it fast. He said there was no point in waiting.
Two months before the wedding I was cleaning out my old email account. I was deleting spam when I saw something that made my breath stop.
Messages from Jimmy, lots of them. All sent over the past two years.
I clicked on the first one.
"Anna, are you okay? I haven't heard from you in a while. Just want to make sure you're safe."
I scrolled to the next one.
"I saw you at the grocery store last week. You looked really thin. Are you eating enough?"
And the next one.
"Please let me know you're okay. You don't have to talk to me. Just let me know you're safe."
There were more, so many more. He sent one every few weeks. Sometimes asking how I was. Sometimes just saying he was thinking about me. Sometimes saying if I needed help he was there.
The last one was from three days ago.
"I don't know if you're reading these. Maybe you blocked my email but I want you to know I still care about you Anna. Whatever happened between us doesn't change that. If you need help, call me. Anytime."
I sat there staring at the screen. Jimmy had never stopped checking on me. Even after I left him. Even after I broke his heart, he still cared.
Guilt hit me so hard I couldn't breathe. I had left him without a real explanation. I had run off with Trevor and destroyed our marriage. And he was still worried about me.
I wanted to write back.
But what would I even say? Sorry I left you for a man who hits me? Sorry I destroyed our marriage for someone who makes me feel crazy?
So I closed the email and tried to forget I saw them.
But that night I dreamed about Jimmy. About his calm voice and patient smile. About the way he used to hold me like I was something precious instead of something he owned.
I woke up crying.
Trevor was already awake next to me. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Just a bad dream."
"You've been having a lot of those lately." He touched my face. "Are you having second thoughts about the wedding?"
"No. Of course not."
"Good." He smiled but his eyes were hard. "Because I'd hate to think you were getting cold feet. We're in this together Anna. Till death do us part."
The way he said it made my skin feel cold.
I told Samantha about the emails when she finally answered my call. We hadn't talked in two weeks.
"You should go back to him," she said immediately.
"I can't just go back. It's been two years, he probably hates me."
"Those emails say otherwise. He still cares about you Anna."
"But I hurt him. Why would he want me back?"
"Because people who really love you don't stop loving you just because you made mistakes." Her voice got soft. "And honestly going back to Jimmy is better than marrying Trevor."
"What if he rejects me? What if he's angry?"
I thought about the pregnancy test I took three weeks ago that came back positive.
I hadn't told Trevor yet, I didn't know how. Every time I tried to bring it up the words got stuck in my throat.
*******
One month before the wedding I woke up feeling sick again. I ran to the bathroom and threw up.
"Still feeling sick?" Trevor asked when I came back to bed.
"Yeah. Must be a stomach bug."
"You've had this stomach bug for three weeks Anna. Maybe you should see a doctor."
"I will."
But I already knew what the doctor would say. I was pregnant. One month before the wedding, I wasn't sure I wanted. Pregnant with the baby of a man who hurt me.
I put my hand on my stomach and felt tears start.
What was I supposed to do? I couldn't raise a baby in this house. I couldn't let Trevor be a father, butI also couldn't leave now. Not when I was carrying his child.
"Anna?" Trevor was looking at me. "You okay?"
"I need to tell you something," I heard myself say.
"What?"
"I'm pregnant."
The room got really quiet. Trevor just stared at me.
Then he smiled. The biggest smile I'd seen on his face in months.
"We're having a baby?" he asked.
"Yes."
He pulled me into his arms and held me tight.
"This is perfect," he said into my hair. "This is exactly what we needed."
I wanted to push him away. Wanted to run. But his arms were locked around me and I couldn't move.
"Now you can never leave me," he whispered. "Now you're mine forever."
And I knew he was right.
- Writer
