Nothing to Lose

FIVE

FIVE

Was it mortifying? Yes. Did it have to be done? Yes.

After snapping at Astrid during Talk at Sunset, Roxie had little choice except to call the assistant and prostrate herself. A couple of days had gone by, but it still plagued her mind.

With the apartment to herself, there wouldn’t be a better time. On the floor between the couch and the coffee table, the ring of the phone droned in her ear.

The seconds dragged.

“Come on,” she murmured. “Pick up… Please…”

Another few days without talking to Astrid might drive her nuts.

“Roxie?”

Surprise jerked her. “You picked up.”

“Yes. Are you okay?”

“Am I…” Trust the young woman to be concerned rather than mad. “Astrid,” Roxie moaned. “I was horrible to you. Be pissed at me.”

“I’m not, I…” Astrid said. “It can’t be easy for you, what you’re going through.”

“What I’m going through?”

There was a pause. “You were close to him… A part of everything here and now you’re not. If it was taken away from me, I’d be devastated.”

Having tried to focus on happier things, she moved the conversation along. “You’re in Tokyo?”

“Yes,” Astrid said. “Right now, but… Something happened, I don’t know what. Miss Walsh was emotional and… We’re flying to Perth in a few hours.”

“Perth, Australia?”

“Yes.”

Weird. There was no Crimson in Perth. Maybe it was one of the potential sites for the next club. With all of Zairn’s various business interests, the possibilities were endless. Kesley’s involvement tossed in a hoard of variables too. Were they going for Zairn or for Kesley?

It was sweet of Astrid to trust her with new information. Flattering even. Still, a smidge of concern crept in. Astrid was too trusting. That could get all of them in trouble sometime.

“He’ll be in New York for Thanksgiving… Sean said we might get home.”

Thanksgiving was over two weeks away. They wouldn’t be in the country for a while. Zairn’s lifestyle wasn’t conducive to sticking around in one place for long. It was a wonder he bothered with apartments anywhere. Maybe it was just convenience. Everyone needed a mailing address, even billionaires.

“That’s good.”

“Sean won’t leave Mr. Lomond if he’s alone, he never does over the holidays, ever,” Astrid said. “Kesley talked about hosting in New York. There’s a professional kitchen at their disposal.”

“Makes sense,” Roxie said.

A nibble of discomfort tickled her shoulders. It wasn’t jealousy, but it was something. Being on the outside was strange.

“Sean said Mr. Lomond would fly in everyone’s families. There are a few hotel room floors in the flagship building… I could ask Sean if you could—”

“No! No, God, no,” Roxie said, laughing off the suggestion. “I have to go to my crazy folks’ and I wouldn’t wish them on anyone… I was a contest winner. We’re not family. I don’t expect to see him again… ever.”

Why was the confidence fading from her words? Nothing she said was false. They hadn’t become family just because they spent a few weeks together. Stone’s prediction rang true. With her back in her natural habitat, all lives were returning to normal.

“I don’t think he’s sleeping with her,” Astrid said into the lingering silence. “Sean said he needs some time. His mood’s been off… in case you were… wondering.”

Most people would’ve thought she and Zairn weren’t sleeping together during their eleven days. An outsider may have said Zairn’s mood was off during that time too. He’d shut everyone out, said little, and seized on every opportunity they had to be alone.

Not that it mattered. Eleven days was eleven days, and it was over.

“I called to apologize for my behavior. You didn’t deserve what I said to you. I appreciate everything you and Crimson did for me.”

“Rox—”

“My invitation stands. If you’re ever in Chicago, looking for a good time, drop by. I’d love to see you.”

“We’re not often by that way,” Astrid said. “You could still call.”

“You’re busy, God knows you are. If you need tips on givin’ ‘em hell, call me. You have a big life to live, Astrid Ballard. Live it well and to the max. Anything is possible. You’re a badass, don’t forget that.”

“You’re an amazing person, Rox.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she said, shrugging it off. “I’m an A-plus badass. Make me proud.”

“I’ll try… bye.”

The phone stayed at her ear until the line died. Only then did her hand sink to her lap. An A-plus badass? More like a world class fool. There was no tomorrow with Astrid. Their connection dwindled to nothing the moment she’d stepped off Zairn’s plane.

Life would be as it always was… Except she wasn’t the same. Who was she? What had changed? More to the point, how did she go back to the way things used to be? Who was Roxie Kyst post-Zairn Lomond? Post-Crimson? Post-eleven days and incredible mile-high s*x? It didn’t matter. Even if she didn’t feel normal, she’d fake it. Eventually, it would become real… right?