ERA EMILIA

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Seven Heavens and one little human strolled along a dead Pripyat street in the opposite direction to the one leading to the Station. I never walked it to the end, but I knew that if I walked a long way, the city would finish, thrusting the empty outermost houses into a thin etiolated forest. Strange stray dogs joined our weird group, but as they did not get any attention or food, they quickly lost interest. There was no one around. None of those tired and annoyed souls who traipsed their boring route back and forth twice a day. Behind us, from time to time, we heard a loud roar of the machinery, desperately pouring concrete and loading sand onto the damaged nuclear reactor. The sky above it was always a dull grey from the smoke, dust, and fear, even on a fine day. The Heavens walked softly and confidently, so I only heard the noise of my own steps. I honestly, and in a human-like manner, tried to elicit their names, but it did not make sense trying to distinguish them one from another. They considered their appearance perfect, honest, fair, and irrespective, but I considered it incredibly nauseating. The only certain thing was that they all were male. Their mutual voice was low and deep - like that of the handsome old musician who used to live in our neighbourhood. Now, only an old dog with an annoying hoarse bark was left in memory of him.

Now and then, I rubbed my teeth and tongue with my fingers, because something invisible with a sour metallic taste settled on them. It bunged up my nose and penetrated my lungs, so to inhale properly, I had to make a considerable effort. Eventually, I got accustomed to the pattern of two small and one deep gasp, and I felt much less dizzy. The farthest house could be seen a few hundred metres away. It seemed that the Heavens and I smiled unanimously when we passed it. Then they rushed forward so abruptly as if some invisible device had enabled them to maximise their acceleration. In the next instant, the Heavens scattered imperceptibly and froze, pressing their heads against the trees – each one of them with their own tree. Their metal skulls pushed the trunks so powerfully as if they were competing in a strength contest. I saw their small narrow eyes closed for the first time. Their long hands with equally long fingers hung down next to their bodies and twitched a little as if they slept. Their usually straight backs bowed somewhat from their strange postures and even appeared weak and spasmodic.

The answer to my discomfort was instantaneous – in sync, they released themselves from the trees and, with pleasant smiles, invited me to come closer.

“You are born with the same power, you are equally brought into this world, and you get sick and die the same. Come and greet your brothers”, the tender Heaven’s voice carried away all my fears.

I have no brothers, I thought but did not dare to deny it.

“Era does not know yet how many she has”, the gentle Heaven’s voice intrigued me.

“Ah, you heard everything, I think... Sorry”, I felt awkward and unappealing in front of them with my now completely naked thoughts.

I had to run for a while before I could catch up with the Heavens. One of them gestured me to my tree. When I approached, he advised me to close my eyes and touch the tree with the back of my head.

“Well, they did not die of this ...”

“And Era will not die”!

The Heavens became much more fun after they left the town… I once again mentally asked them for forgiveness and pressed my head against the tree. The rough oak-bark crushed into my skin, and I was afraid that dozens of furrows would be imprinted on my forehead forever. “Feel the smell, feel the texture, and feel where it comes from the earth and where it enters the sky…” What I felt was only a hard grating on my forehead. “Era can hug a tree and listen to how energy flows through it”. I embraced the tree without further hesitation, feeling some sort of bitter despair and hiraeth for my mom's gentle hands on my face... Hot tears rose from my chest instantly and burnt my long-not-kissed cheeks, but my silent giant immediately drank them to the last teardrop. The rough bark became softer than the silk wool of my dogs, and the earthy odour came into my nose, completely filling my lungs. Seemingly, I would not be able to breathe forever... A Heaven put his hand on my head, and I felt a strange vibration under my fingers – as if thousands of small birds were flying, fluttering their wings under the bark. I leapt back and saw something that, apparently, if I were older, I would have run away from – the brown trunk of the tall tree was covered with thin electric-like wires which pulsated like waves from the foot to the top of the tree and back again. They emerged from the very soil, from the very roots, and by thousands of nearly invisible thin blue rivers, which went upwards – through each branch and leaf, carrying something that was breathing and moving...

“Now Era saw the very life”, the gentle Heaven’s voice made me happy.

“That’s what it is like... But Dad said that it was disgusting and sticky like tar”, I mumbled and again crouched to the tree. The gentle waves rolled through my hands, and it seemed even through me.

I woke up at home on a hard, granite-like stone, pillow...

Having closed two creaking doors behind me, I went to the courtyard to find the Heavens and make sure that the soft throbbing trees I saw were not a dream. However, everything was the same as yesterday: the crowns of the trees were green and fuzzy, and the trunks were brown and firm. The Heavens stood motionless as if frozen, with their heads lifted skywards, emanating the coloured jets. I could not determine the source of the light. It was not from their eyes or mouth, but as if it was flowing from inside their strange bodies through their smooth greyish skin. It seemed that they had been standing for a good half hour already because they all lowered their heads, inhaled deeply and carried on with their affairs. All, except one. He noticed my thoughtful look and, squatting down next to me, asked: “What is your world like today”? Could he not see my world, this funny, jolly Heaven? Did the same heavy air not make his lungs increase, perhaps, ten times, so that they at least got a little saturated with oxygen? Could he not see that nearly every day some government emissaries rumbled to our door, and did he not always convince them to go away and forget about their visit? Did he or someone like him, not leave me in a poisoned city for certain death or some other unknown atrocity? Was his voice not telling me about impossible things and did not his walks in the forest of incredible trees?

“My world is getting on my nerves a bit”, I mustered, at last, answering as my Mom would.

In fact, I still could not imagine where those ‘nerves’ lived inside me; I only sometimes felt how the anxiety tickled my stomach from the inside. Every morning, after taking the usual pill with milk and oatmeal cookies, I sat down on the uncomfortable sofa to listen to the uncomfortable stories of the Heavens. They talked about how they did not remember when they were born or how long they had lived. How they lived everywhere but at the same time, nowhere; that they were older than our whole planet because they existed before it appeared and would be after its disappearance. Weirdly, they explained about people for hours, as though I was not a human myself. They said that I would definitely see how myriads of underdeveloped creatures would quickly realise the existence of the mirror they lived behind – and then the world would collapse, and a new era would rise. Moreover, by that time, I would have learned to feel, to see, to know, to research and create.

“Yes, I was told that school would not be a fun game”! Of course, I understood what the Heavens implied. Then, together with them, I roared out loud with laughter and secretly rejoiced that the boring conversation about the obvious things was over.

Obvious things were not found there, where I was looking for them.

When the Heavens offered me the chance to fly, I was not in seventh heaven! “Fly where birds and clouds fly”?

“Much higher…”

I was ready, but instead of a white airplane, a hang-glider or whatever, the Heavens advised me to sit down on the ground. “Much higher is in the opposite direction, silly Heavens”, I did not even try to conceal my disappointment. None of my guardians were offended; they also sat down, crossing their legs in their own way. “Era should close her eyes and master her thoughts by herself”. I obeyed because I did not have any games planned for today. With one eye half-open, I saw that the Heavens had shut theirs and exhaled deeply, which so or so was never been enough. Then one of them spoke. I heard a voice inside my head – not any further. “Era breathes slowly and deeply, listening to how her heart beats. Era is relaxed but concentrated. Era hears all the sounds and feels all smells around her; she allows them to be within herself and beyond. Era is born of the Universe, and the Universe is born of Era. Era feels how the wind tenderly pets her skin. Era can fly with it wherever she wants. She is light as an autumn leaf, she sees the sky and wants to embrace it. Era does not feel the ground beneath her because it is already flying up. Flocks of birds, large and small surround Era. They are not surprised that the Era is here because they are able to fly. Era can see how the angels are walking on the clouds if Era believes in them. Era is not cold or frightened, she is not afraid of the Universe because Era is part of it. Era does not feel the wind and does not see the clouds anymore. She flies up and up, faster than any spacecraft. Era is more perfect. There is no air, only darkness surrounds her, but Era no longer needs to see or breathe anymore. Era is already something much more than a set of imperfect organs. She knows that her home is around her and sees a small blue sphere beneath her feet – so tiny, and that’s why – insignificant. Nothing is important anymore: neither the houses that Era saw nor the people who came to her house. Neither the tragedies shown on the TV nor the money that made her parents anxious. Neither the death, which the old neighbour woman from below feared, nor the birth, which made the parents of the noisy toddler from above so happy. Era does not see the end of the darkness, but it does not frighten her, because now Era knows that after everything becomes unimportant, only she will remain important. Era is where nobody living on this planet was. Before Era, a star occasionally sparkles, flying for an eternity. Era has The Eternity. She realises that she no longer has a body. Era is invisible and therefore free. When Era’s journey on the Earth is over, she will return to this place and choose her new home. Era will fly back and forth until her soul no longer wants to be imprisoned in any of the worlds. Then Era will become the Universe itself. And now Era must return. She can go to any of the countries, seas, oceans or mountains, but she will return to us. Era is here”!

Salty tears burned my face. I grabbed the grass on the ground so firmly that it seemed I probably plucked off hundreds of stalks. I was there! I saw that which I could not know! Can I fly? Am I able to fly now? I tried to bounce, but it did not work. I rose to my feet and jumped up and down until I collapsed with fatigue. I still felt myself, the smoke (smoke?) that I used to be and could not believe that I saw my hands and my legs again. What was this real movie they were showing me? Was it just a part of the Heavens’ entertainment – to make you see that which does not exist? The wizards quietly sat and watched the hysteria of a small child, who certainly did not deserve such excitement.

“Era does deserve such excitement. This is a blessing, not a punishment. Humans will understand that they do not know everything. Humans will understand who they are, and then the New Era will reign. What we show is not magic. Era can fly without us. Everyone can but does not believe. Only believe in what they see, in what surrounds them, and forms the consciousness, but in fact, consciousness is to form what is around. Humankind has lost the initial conditions for the unification of reason and soul. Therefore, the genuineness has gone from this planet. There are too many humans, their perceptions of the world impose one on another, interfering with the world itself, and it decides to be somewhere in the middle between billions of representations. From the first day of life, humans learn to see, and not to grasp their surroundings. They say that the sky is blue, trees are green, diseases are incurable, God is invisible, life is finite, and it is not worth interfering with destiny. They call it experience. The fear of being ridiculed is stronger than the desire of being free. It takes possession of a human entirely, even when one does not know about it. The human chooses a road already trodden because in an unknown way one stumbles and tumbles without any guarantee of getting anywhere. So, one trots only to death, from time to time craving small attributes. Eventually one really dies, leaving the questions ‘what was it’ and ‘what for’, to the next generation, which already grows its offspring in stale, rather than true representations. Their suffering rings in our ears; they rock the air as a storm rocks an old ship. We hear them every second because they are part of one Universe. Our home is amazingly like the Earth, so we are amazingly, like people. One cannot fly to it as people try to do. Moreover, even after hundreds of years, local technology will only get us there, where we will overtake for a fraction of a second. But humans will still be sure that they have reached the edge of the Universe. When Era grows up, she will understand why we are here and why we tell all this to her. Era will understand when she learns to manage her thoughts and the whole world; when objects in her hands grow, and her eyes will see new colours; when her ears hear the thoughts of others, and her body – dissolves into thin air. When Era learns to see through Space and Time and merge into one with them, then she will understand why she has been sitting all day with us on a cold ground”.

I swear on all my dog’s lives, I could not understand half of their words. However, that did not matter, because the Heavens were wrong – I did not learn the best half of what they were talking about.