Chapter Eighteen Violence Repeats
1130 Words
Abby’s POV
By the time I got back to campus, my whole body felt displaced, it was like something had shifted inside me during the drive from Noah’s penthouse and never settled back properly.
I used to think my life was normal too, like Seattle’s rain soaked street, the thought almost made me laugh
I tightened my coat around myself as I climbed the stairs towards my dorm. My shoes squeaked faintly against the concrete. Noah’s voice kept sending serenity far from me
“Wes’ dumb sister.”
It should not have hurt that much especially because it was Noah, especially because he had spent years make me feel like I irritated him simply by breathing near him.
But cruelty was a b***h and the only time it worked was because most times a part of you already believed it and yeah…I did
I believed every terrible thing people said about me eventually
Jordan said I made problems where there weren’t any, my mother used to say I took things too personally. Even Wes…
God
I don’t know maybe Noah calling me dumb should not have lodged itself beneath my ribs the way it did but it did
I unlocked my dorm room to darkness and silence, but it only made relief wash over me mostly because Jordan wasn’t here
For one beautiful second, I thought maybe I could shower, cry a little, sleep for twelve years and forget the last twenty-four hours even happened
Until the lamp beside my bed clicked on…i froze
Jordan sat in my desk chair, elbows resting on his knees. My heart stumbled so hard it physically hurt
“Jesus Christ, Jordan.” My grip tightened around my bag. “I…um, I just got back.”
“I see that.”
His eyes dragged over me, from the damp hair to the oversized hoodie Noah had handed me before I left because mine was still wet
Oh God
Oh no
“The hoodie..” he said rubbing his temple lightly. “Whose hoodie is that?”
My mouth went dry
“It’s mine.”
“Abby.”
“I mean, I borrowed it because my clothes got wet.”
“From who?”
I should have lied better instead I looked away and that was enough to get his jaw flexing so hard. “You stayed with him.”
Jordan stood.
“Nothing happened.” I said quickly
He laughed once under his breath, pacing awayy from me before turning back sharply. “Do you think I’m stupid?”
“No I don’t.”
“Then why are you lying? You disappeared all night with him, you ignored my calls.”
“No my car, it went…”
“You left with another man!”
His voice hit the walls hard enough to make me flinch
“You know what?” He said quieter now. “Forget it.”
He dragged a hand through his hair and laughed bitterly. “Forget it Abby, I get it now.”
“Get what?”
“That I look like an idiot.”
Cold spread through my stomach
“I was standing right beside you at the funeral but you looked at him like I wasn’t even there. Every f*****g person at that place saw you.”
I opened my mouth, then closed it again
“God, you like him.”
“No.”
“Then why the f**k were you at his house?”
“Because my car broke down!”
“Then you should have called a cab!”
“It was raining.”
“And so you slept over?”
“I didn’t sleep with him!”
“I didn’t ask if you slept with him.”
Silence crashed between us, Jordan smile then.
“Wow.”
“I didn’t mean…”
“You thought about it though.”
“No.”
“Did he touch you?”
“No, he did not.”
“But did you want him to.”
The fact that I had no answer to that hit something inside of me because I genuinely didn’t have an answer to that, not completely and Jordan saw it
Oh God
“You’re unbelievable.” He said as he dashed in front of me so fast, I barely even processed it before his hand closed around me hard.
“I’m sorry” I found myself screaming instead
“You’re sorry?” He repeated
Pain shot up my shoulder
“Jordan, you’re hurting me.”
“Dont you think it hurts me too?” He snapped. “Watching my girlfriend run after some asshole who wouldnt even look at her twice?”
My throat tightened painfully.
Jordan’s grip tightened. “You know what your problem is?” He said. “You always want attention from people who don’t want you.”
My eyes stung with tears.
“I never did anything to you.” I suddenly whispered
The slap came so suddenly my brain lagged behind it. It was the sound I heard first, then the pain
My head snapped sideways, I couldn’t breathe for a moment.
Jordan stepped back immediately without a word
I tasted blood
“Oh my God,” he muttered
My hand shook as I touched my lip
Red
I was bleeding. Jordan ran both hands through his hair aggressively. “Fuck.”
“You keep pushing me there.” He said finally
I laughed then, actually “You keep pushing me there,” he said finally, voice breaking at the edges.
I laughed then, I actually laughed
It sounded small at first, then broken
Jordan looked at me. “What’s funny.”
“You always say that.”
I simply nodded once. “You know what’s crazy?” I whispered. “I actually believe you sometimes.”
Jordan stepped toward me. “Baby…”
I moved back instantly
The word suddenly felt disgusting
“I said I’m sorry.”
My entire body felt cold. “You keep apologizing after.”
“Because I lose my temper!”
“You scare me.” The words slipped out accidentally
Jordan froze before his expression shifted from anger to something I couldn’t name
“You’re scared of me? Is that what you’re saying?”
I should have lied, hell, I should but face must have answered for me
He looked away first, somehow it was even worse than the slap. When he spoke again, his voice sounded small and soft. “I love you Abby.”
My eyes stung with tears because in this little life of mine, love had become a threat, it didn’t mean comfort or safety and the worst part was that a part of me still wanted him to hold me afterward anyway, that scared me the most.
- Writer
