Chapter Ten Apology as a weapon
1112 Words
Abby’s POV
“You ignored my calls”
It was the first thing I heard when I opened the dorm door. I looked directly at who it was and immediately knew I was delusional for expecting an are you okay or an I’m sorry.
He stands there with one hand shoved into his pocket and the other clutching a paper bag from my favorite cage downtown. So like this was supposed to erase everything?
I realize I’m still holding the door handle as my fingers tighten around it. The bruise on my check aches faintly. “I was asleep,” I whisper
Jordan takes a closer look at my face. “Does it still hurt?”
From the sound of his voice, I could tell that this was equally as exhausting for him. I hate that a part of me softens. “I’m fine.”
“Abby?” He exhales. “Should I leave?”
Every bone in my body wanted to scream at him to leave but Jordan had a way of making silence feel cruel. Somehow I always ended up the bad person. So I step aside and gesture for him to come in.
He walks in slowly, his eyes roaming around the place before settling back on me. I could see the tension on his shoulders and the irritation behind this calm mask he was trying to wear.
“I brought you breakfast.”
“You didnt have to.” I say without looking at him
“But I wanted to.”
He sets the paper bag on my desk carefully, then turns towards me again. “I’ve been worried sick.”
Worried, how convenient?
He takes a step closer. “You scared me the last time.”
I blinked at him. “I scared you?”
“I mean, you followed that guy, who wouldn't answer your phone or reach out to me.”
My stomach drops remembering Noah standing in my doorway drenched in rain, his green eyes burning through me.
Jordan notices the shift in my expression immediately. “There,” he mutters bitterly. “That look again”
“What look?”
“The one you have on whenever you think about him.”
My heart skips a beat. “Jordan..”
“No, seriously.” He let out a humorless laugh. “Okay, tell me I’m crazy Abby. Say I imagined the way you looked at him at the funeral.”
I stare at him without saying a word. That automatically becomes my first mistake
His eyes darken. “Exactly”
“Nothing happened.” I’m not sure what I am saying, but it's better than staying silent so I just keep spitting whatever comes
“But you wanted it to.”
He takes a closer step to me, I’m almost certain we are breathing each other's air. “Do you know what it feels like watching your girlfriend stare at another man like he hung the f*****g moom?”
“But I wasn’t stare at him babe.”
“Oh but you were.” His tone softens suddenly. “And maybe I should not have reacted the way I did, okay? Maybe I lost my temper but Abby…” he shakes his head slowly. “You pushed me there.”
“I pushed you?” I repeat weakly.
“You kept looking at him.” He shrugs. “What was I supposed to think?”
“That I was grieving my father?”
He drags his hand down his face. “I know you are hurting,” he says “but listen, you shut me out, Abby. You wouldn’t let me near you for weeks before Seattle, then suddenly your mysterious mechanic shows up and you can’t stop staring.”
It was better to speak now but I couldn’t bring myself too, I just watched. Jordan notices my silence and sighs heavily. “You know what your problem is?” He murmurs
I don’t answer
“You dont realize how easy it is for people to leave you.”
I shut my eyes briefly, allowing the blow of his words sting for a second. He continues
“You cling to attention when anyone gives it to you.” He tilts his head. “That guy ignored you for years and suddenly he shows up once and you forget who has actually been here?”
My eyes sting because a tiny part of me things maybe he’s right. Truly Jordan stayed, through my anxiety attacks, the nights I cried too much, when I wasn’t easy, pretty or fun, he stayed.
“Guys like Noah do not take girls like you seriously, they only play games” he says.
Girls like you.
My chest aches
“But me?” His fingers brush my wrist lightly. “I love you enough to stay even when you make it hard.
Tears I didn’t know I had been holding fell off my eyes. Why does he always make me feel guilty for being hurt?
“I shouldn’t have hit you, I’m sorry.” he finally says.
I finally had the apology i had been waiting for, but it doesn’t feel relieving because now I feel like I am in the wrong.
Jordan cups my face gently. “Baby, look at me.”
I do
“You know I would never hurt you for no reason, right?”
I should say no, I should push him away and scream and tell him normal people do not slap the people they live across the face, but my lips tremble instead: “I would never hurt you for no reason.”
“I love you too much sometimes.”
What does that even mean?
A tear slips down my cheek again, this time he wipes it away. “Please don’t cry, baby.”
“I don’t want us to be like this,” I whispered.
He kisses my forehead
“Tell me the truth.” His forehead pressed against mine
“Is there anything going on with him?”
“There’s nothing,” I responded immediately.
He nods and then plants more kisses on my forehead. Relieve floods his features instantly.
He pulls me into his hands and I let him because fighting him is exhausting, and maybe I couldn’t bring myself to fight him because I equally think he is right. I ruin everything.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper against his hoodie
His arms around me tightened. “That’s all I wanted,” he murmured into my hair. “You just needed to understand how your actions affect people, respect my privacy toI babe.”
“Of course…”
- Writer
