Fallen

Chapter Five

Azrael didn’t really seem like the picky type, but I also didn’t know what angels eat. I found myself questioning everything I prepared. Pancakes, bacon, eggs and fruit. It all seemed normal to me. But would it be okay for an angel? Would he eat it? I shook my head smiling. Why was I so worried about what he would or wouldn’t eat? He could eat what I cooked or not at all. He was in my home after all.

“Here you go.” I said smiling as I placed the tray over his lap.

“Thank you, Belle, for everything.” Azrael said gently.

“You are very welcome, Azrael.” I sat down in the chair at the foot of the bed, coffee steaming from the mug in my hands. “Is there anything I can do to speed up your healing?” I asked, taking a sip from my mug.

“Unfortunately, no.” Azrael admitted. “What you have done is more than enough. Because of you I will not lose my wings and I could never repay you for that. All I can do now is wait for my body to fully heal.”

I nodded in response. In a way I wanted him to heal and be on his way. But on the other hand, he seemed kind and I enjoyed his company. I can’t remember the last time I had enjoyed another person's company. The thought made me laugh out loud, earning a questioning look from Azrael.

“I was just thinking about how I enjoyed your company.” I told him with morbid humor. “I can’t remember the last time I have enjoyed another living being's company. Well, unless it was an animal. I find animals are much better company than other people. They are loyal, only hurt a person if they are scared, defending themselves or trained to do so. And the latter is because of humans. People are cruel, needlessly violent and corrupt.” I shook my head. “I am ashamed to be a part of the human race.”

“You are different.” Azrael told me curiously.

“Should I take that as a compliment or an insult?” I chuckled.

“It is a compliment.” Azrael nodded. “It is as you said. Humans are evil, they no longer deserve to walk among God’s creation. Earth used to be an oasis. Beautiful with lush greenery, wild life. But humans destroyed it with their inventions, their pollution. It is sad and infuriating as one of God's original creations.”

“I’m sure with your viewpoint it is very sad. You were around when the earth was first created, when it was nothing but a thriving and wondrous thing to behold. I can only imagine what it was like then.” I smiled to myself. “I bet it was so beautiful.”

“That is was.” Azrael said as if in a far forgotten memory.

Azrael and I spent the next few hours just talking. I don’t think I had laughed so much or had such an engaging conversation as I did with him. I loved it, and I didn’t want it to end. I can’t believe how much I was missing out on. A connection, a true and deep connection with someone. I could see Azrael and I being friends for a long time. Friend? When was the last time I was able to call someone a friend? Never, I had never actually called anyone a friend.

The idea both scared and excited me. It scared me because I have never allowed anyone close to me, I couldn’t. Letting someone close meant I had to let them in, rely on them even. It meant I had to open up and allow them to be drowned right along with me by my demons. And with Azrael I didn’t know if I should take that chance. He was an angel; he was needed somewhere. And he was going to leave. If I let myself get close, then it would only hurt when he left.

But I was excited because I’ve never had a friend. I’ve never had anyone to have such stimulating and intelligent conversation before. Everyone I know was dull and to be honest, kind of dumb. All they could focus on was money, power and being on top. They were always in competition with one another to out do the others. It was quite a bore to watch. So here and now, with Azrael, I felt like I actually had the connection I had been craving for so very long. And that by itself was terrifying.

“Are you alright Belle?” Azrael asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

I smiled, waving him off with my hand. “I’m fine. Just thinking.” I said as convincingly as I could. Should I tell him? Should I let him know my thoughts? My fear? No, of course not. This is what I was afraid of. This connection, this need to be accepted and have someone. I couldn’t let myself be drug down now. Even if Azrael is an angel.

“You seem troubled.” He said, wincing as he sat himself further up the headboard.

I hardened my features and stood to approach him. “Now you stop that.” I reprimanded. “You should not be moving around so much until you are fully healed. You’ll only manage to harm yourself further.”

Azrael laughed as he allowed me to put some extra pillows behind him so he wouldn’t hurt his wings. He would need the extra cushioning if he didn’t want to be in pain. I wonder how his wings were healing? I needed to change his bandage anyway, so I guess I’ll find out.

“Azrael, I am going to help you lay over onto your stomach. I need to change your bandages so your wounds don’t get infected. Is that alright?”

“Of course.” He said moving to roll over. I laughed to myself as I grasped his shoulder and his arm to help gently move him onto his stomach. I was again stunned by his muscle definition. He was solid as a boulder, and I could feel as his muscles rippled under his bandage against my hands. I’ve never seen a man with so much definition, so solid. I felt a blush creep up my cheeks as I removed my hands from his shoulders. Stop. I scolded myself. He is an angel; he is off limits. Plus, I vowed to never be with a man, ever. I shook my head tossing the thought from my mind as I started to remove his bandages.

His wounds no longer looked life threatening. In fact, some were already healed, nothing but a silver scar to show that they’d ever been there. But as I washed the old and dried blood from his back, I uncovered more and more scars. His back was covered in them. I couldn’t help but run my fingertips feather light over them.

“What happened?” I whispered, tracing the thin lines.

“War.” Azrael sighed heavily. But there was something in his voice I couldn’t quite put into words.

“There are so many.”

“Yes, well, it is hard to be at war without obtaining wounds.”

“I am sorry.” I said sadly as I continued to clean his back. “You don’t deserve the pain I can see you’ve been through.”

Azrael didn’t answer, he just laid there quietly as I cleaned and rebandaged his minor wounds. Next, I had to unbind his wing and check on it. I only hoped that his wing was in better shape than when I found him. If he is lucky, I may even be able to remove his stitches.

“Okay Azrael, this may hurt a bit. I have to unbind your wings and check on the stitches.”

Azrael nodded, his hand tightly gripping the blankets around him. I nodded silently to myself as I hesitantly began unwinding his wings. I tried to ignore his wincing, tried to drown out his grunts of pain. But it was so hard. I hated to hear that pain in his tone.

“I’m sorry.” I said gently.

Again, Azrael didn’t answer. I just shook my head and unwound the last of his bandage. I cringed at what I saw. The area around his wing was red and swollen, the stitches had all but been merged with his skin. It would be hard to get those out. But I had to make sure he didn’t get infected.

“I am sorry Azrael, but removing these stitches is going to hurt, they seemed to have healed into your skin.” I warned him, before taking the surgical scissors and digging the tip into his skin to cut the first stitch. Azrael groaned, his fists tightening against the blankets. After a few stitches I guess Azrael couldn’t hide the pain as well as before because he yelled out, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as I continued removing the stitches. My chest tightened at the sounds of his yells. I had to force tears away as I removed them. I have never felt such sympathy for someone else. I never wanted to be the one to cause Azrael pain

I apologized over and over as I removed them. Tried to soothe him and reassure him. When I was finally done, I sighed in relief. I quickly cleaned the wound while checking on the healing of his wing. It looked a lot better; he was no longer in danger of losing it. I don’t think I even needed to rebind it. All I had to do was bandage the wound itself.

When I was done, I gently massaged his shoulders, trying to get the new tension to leave him. Coiled muscles added to his pain, it only made the pain worse, and I didn’t want that. So, I massaged his shoulders until I felt his tension melt away. It didn’t take was long as I thought it would. He was wound up like one of those wind up toys.

Azrael moved to sit up, making me scrambled to my knees beside him and help him turn over so he could sit up. His face scrunched up in pain tore at my insides. He groaned lowly as he sat back on the heap of pillows breathing heavily. As Azrael breathed slowly, I crawled off the bed and went to get him some pain pills. I didn’t know how many an angel would need so I grabbed the whole bottle.

“Here.” I said hastily, thrusting the bottle in his face. “I….I don’t know how many you will need. But they should help with the pain.” I said, my voice trembling. What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve never acted like this before. Why was he affecting me so much? I didn’t like it.

“I’ll be fine.” Azrael grit out.

“Azrael please.” I implored. “You are in pain. Please take something that’ll help.”

Azrael slowly opened his eyes and peered up at me, his silver eyes shining bright with pain. His hazel-colored hair was plastered to his face by sweat that still rolled down his face. HIs brows were scrunched together, and his jaw clenched. Why wouldn’t he take anything?

“Please?” I asked again, reaching the bottle out to him.

“Why does this mean so much to you?” He asked on a harsh breath. His tone hard.

“Because I don’t like seeing you in pain.” I admitted on a low whisper. Hurt by his tone, though I didn’t quite understand why.

Azrael studied me for a minute before nodding and taking the bottle from my hand. I watched him as he shook around ten pills from the bottle and popped them into his mouth, swallowing them easily. I smiled, breathing a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.” I said sitting beside him on the corner of the bed. “Your back looks better. Almost all your wounds are healed. There is still one that was pretty deep, but it has closed up well. Your wing is healing nicely. It is a bit red and swollen but that’s to be expected from the stitches and the wing fusing back to your body.”

“Thank you, Belle.” Azrael said, placing his hand over mine. I looked down and noticed how completely his one hand swallowed mine. He could hold both my hands in his one and still have room to hold a third. I enjoyed how his hand felt on mine. It was odd. Coming back to myself I pulled my hand from under his and stood. I backed away holding the hand he had over my chest. I couldn’t get close, couldn’t let him in. No. I can’t get attached. Everyone leaves, Azrael wouldn’t be any different.

“You..you’re welcome.” I mumbled backing towards the door. “I’m going to go now. I...I need to go make dinner.”

I slipped out the door before he could respond. Closing my eyes, I sighed. I can’t let this get too far, can’t let myself get attached. Attachments only cause pain. Depending on someone to be there only brought betrayal. Azrael will be leaving once he is healed. And if he healed so well in two days, I suspect he has another four maybe five days before he is completely healed. After that he would be gone, probably never to be seen or heard from again.

I cooked by muscle memory, not really paying attention. The only thing I could do is keep my distance. Take care of his wounds and provide food. I can do that. I can care for him without getting too attached. Sure, no problem, this will be easy. Or will it?