Fallen

Chapter Nineteen

I didn’t sleep that night. I had spent it crying and wallowing in my sorrow. But I had come up with a plan, one I never thought I would do. I didn’t know if they would find me if I left, and I didn’t want to take the chance of them not finding me, of me losing them for longer. So, I went and bought these hundred acres of no man’s land. The closest road was fifteen miles out. The closest shopping was an hour away. But I didn’t care. Here is where they left me, and here is where I’ll stay.

It didn’t take long to purchase the land. The owners had been trying to get rid of it for years but no one wanted to be so far from civilization. I on the other hand loved being away. So, within an hour the land was mine. From the lawyer I went directly to a construction business in town and got a quote in how much it would be to build a home. One that could fit all of us, even the guy’s hugeness.

After sitting with them and drawing out some floor plans, they came to a price. I made sure it included everything. Power and water hook ups, digging up and running the necessary pipes, everything. We came to a deal of six hundred thousand to build the home. It would be three stories high and very large. Not mansion large, but large enough the guys would be comfortable. I asked them to start immediately and they did, because they knew I was massively overpaying them.

Day two of the guys being gone, supplies had been delivered to start building the home. I wanted it right where the RV was, on top the hill overlooking everything, the sky was clearer here, so I would be able to see them better. If they came back. A sharp pain hit me at the thought. No, they promised, they all promised they’d come back to me, I have to believe they would.

To take my mind off of the grief, I watched them men work. There were so many of them, though it was understandable. This would be a good-sized house; a normal crew would take a year to build it. I needed it done as soon as possible. Though I wanted it done right. They started with the basement, this machine digging a giant hole in the land where the house would be. Surprisingly enough it didn’t take long for that thing to get the entire basement dug. It looked right, the right shape and size, so I nodded to the men with the cement truck to begin that part of the construction.

The basement took all day with more still left to be done. Half the hole was already filled with concrete and the men already spread it evenly along the walls. Now it just had to dry. Tomorrow would be finishing the basement and starting to build the frame of the house. I couldn’t wait until I saw the entire thing framed out. Hell, I couldn’t wait for it to be finished, it would be beautiful.

I bid the guy’s goodnight, as they left. It seemed lonely. Which was odd because I loved being alone. Or I used to at least. Until the angels who landed on my doorstep. Until the angels who showed me it was okay to love, and to be loved. But then, they left, under my urging they left. I don’t regret letting them go, it was needed. And What was happening in heaven was more important than me, more important than us.

I swallowed the sob that threatened to climb up my throat, refusing to cry anymore. It would do no good, and it wouldn’t bring them back to me. They would have to bring themselves back to me, and I knew they would. I didn’t know when, but I had faith they would come home, and we could be together. Maybe that was asking too much, maybe we could never be together like that. I mean I will eventually grow old, and they’ll stay the same. Never aging while I grow old and wrinkly. The idea broke my heart. And not for my sake. They would be alone again. Michael would turn cold, distant. He would turn angry.

“No. Don’t think that way.” I murmured to myself. “They’ll come back, I’ll make them promise me, vow to me they wouldn’t grow distant with each other, angry.”

A tug in my gut told me what was happening before I saw it. A burning light descending to earth, to me. My heart got stuck in my throat as I lunged to my feet and ran. No, this couldn’t be them, they just went. They couldn’t have lost. They couldn’t have so quickly. Whoever it was landed in the same place Michael had, and I didn’t even stall as I jumped down into the burning crater after whomever it was. When the smoke cleared a waved of relief washed through me the same time dread sank my stomach.

It was Gabriel. His black hair was smoking from the fall. His already pale skin was shredded, I could see bone peaking out from his torn flesh. Where Michael’s wings were severed, it looked as if Gabriel’s was forcefully torn from his back. Where his wings were supposed to be was torn stumps bleed profusely. His body, his entire body was completely shredded. Gabriel, was worse than any of the others combined. I wasn’t even sure he was alive.

I took a shuddering breath before leaning over to listen to his heart. It was beating, slowly, the rhythm was off. His breathing was shallow and barely there. My heart hurt seeing him this way, and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to help him. He was on deaths door, and I was only human. Still, I had to try. I had to save him. I could feel him, being this close to him. His pain was immense, but he was fighting. Tears filled my eyes as I placed both hands on his chest over his heart. I did it different this time. I slowed my heart to his slowly beating one, and focused. I pushed my desire, my need, my everything into him. My mind, body and soul willing him to live, for him to be healed.

I felt a physical pull this time, a tightening in my chest that spread throughout my body and into Gabriel. I kept just feeling this feeling of something flowing through me and into Gabriel. When the flow stopped, I was drained, I was hardly able to move. I opened my eyes and saw the green eyes of Gabriel staring back at me. I smiled, at him the best I could, then looked at the wings behind him. They were different than the others. His was a golden color, not a speck of black in them.

“It worked.” I rasped. “It actually worked.” I felt myself sway, the world around me tilted and spun out of control. I never hit the ground though, at least I didn’t think I did. I had closed my eyes trying to force the spinning to stop. I wanted to talk to Gabriel, help him if he needed it now. He shouldn’t be caring for me, I should be caring for him.

“My brothers.” His voice was soft but pained. “Where are my brothers?”

“Healed.” I sat up holding my head in my hands. “I took care of them. Ugh! They went back to heaven, to fight.” A tear fell from my eye. “They’ll be back. They promised they’d come back to me.” I finally looked up into his green eyes. “They will come back.” My voice stronger. “They promised me they would.” I clutched my chest, the pain there running deep. “They’ll come home to me.” I said it more for myself than Gabriel even though I know he heard me. “We need to get back.” I told him trying to stand. “I have a RV nearby. I’ve been staying there until the house is built.” I looked back to him, looking him over from head to toe.

“You’re still bleeding.” I shook my head. “I tried to heal you the way I did the others, but I can only do so much. At least your wings are back. They’re beautiful.”

Gabriel seemed stunned by my words. Michael was too. Did they not feel the weight of them? Did they just feel light, not even there? Either way Gabriel did the same as Michael. He expanded his wings and furled them in a little on himself to examine them. Hie green eyes sparkled in amazement. He couldn’t seem to accept they were real. At least that’s how it looked to me. He just kept staring at them. Doubt had entered his eyes though.

“They won’t disappear.” I assured him. “They are real and they are yours. Though they are different from theirs. The others wings were silver tipped in black. Yours are golden.” I reached out to run my finger through them but stopped myself, pulling my hand back and holding it to my chest. “I wonder what was different?”

“What did you do?” Gabriel asked me, grabbing my arm to stop me when I turned to climb from the crater.

I turned to him. "I'm sorry if you didn’t want me to do it. You would have died if I didn’t. Anyway, the wat Azrael explained it was I was giving you all a piece of my soul. Something about it heals you.” I looked him over, some of his wounds still bleeding. “Well, heals you a little. And it changes your wings. Like I said though, yours are gold not silver.” I furrowed my brow thinking back to what I did. Was it because my focus was better?

“What did you do different?”

I sighed and sat back down. “You were…” I winced, remembering how he looked compared to now. “Your condition was so bad. Much, much worse than any of the others. And same as them I felt connected to you. Like with Michael I could feel your pain, your agony. But I could also feel you were fighting.” I took a deep breath. “I put my hands over your heart, it was so slow.” My voice had turned into a whisper. “I focused harder on you, focused on your wounds and my will, my want to heal you. I pushed all of it into you. Something tugged in me then spread throughout my body, then flowed into you. It just kept flowing and flowing through me.” I furrowed my brow and shook my head. “When it stopped, I moved. I was dizzy, and drained.”

I looked back up to him, confused. “You scared me.” I whispered. “When I saw you, saw what they’d done to you. I thought you were dead. But I had to check, I had to try.” I broke eye contact and looked down at my hands. “I couldn’t let you die.”

“I’m glad you didn’t” Gabriel said, his hand grasping my chin and pulling my face up so I had to look at him. “I am not ready to die yet.”

I tilted my head. “You speak more modern than the others.”

Gabriel laughed. “Yes well. I’ve spent more time catching up with human culture over the years.”

“I’m glad you’re okay.” I looked him over again. “Well, kind of okay. I still need to get you back to help stop the bleeding.”

Gabriel didn’t object as we stood to leave. Against my protests Gabriel helped me climb out of the crater before following me more easily, effortlessly. I harrumphed under my breath. Everything is so easy for them, even when they’re hurt. It was irritating, but they were a superior species so it made sense. Though nothing else about them did.

“Gabriel, what does it mean to be a beloved?” It seemed a harmless question to ask.

“Who accepted you?” There was jealously in his voice, I chose to ignore it.

“All three of them, but they didn’t explain anything very well.”

“For any angel a beloved is a partner, you humans’ version of husband and wife. They can separate if things change between them. But to an archangel, a beloved is a life partner. Someone that stayed with you for eternity. Always together. If the others accepted you, it means they want you to spend eternity with them. Did you accept them?”

I nodded. “Yes.” My voice was sad. “But their eternity and mine are different. I’ll grow old while they stay the same. They all deserve so much better.”

Gabriel seemed to want to tell me something bur decided not to. “Why would they leave you so soon?”

“I urged them to, told them they needed to.” I frowned.

“But why? Did you not want them?”

I stopped dead in my tracks and snapped my head up to his. “Do not ever question my loyalty to them. They needed to go. Whatever was happening was in heaven was more important than me. They were needed and lives were at stake. I couldn’t let people, or angels die because I wouldn’t let them go. Heaven needed them more than I did. More than I do. Or at least that’s what I thought. My chest has felt heavy and painful ever since.” I rubbed the spot over my heart where the pain was.

“It’s the bond.” Gabriel assured me, grabbing my hand in his. “And I’m sorry if I offended you.”

I started walking again, Gabriel never let go of my hand. It was a nice feeling, feeling his skin against mine. Were all the archangels going to feel this way? The feeling if being home? I smiled to myself at the thought. So maybe that gave me four men? Who cared?

Azrael, Strong, dependent, stubborn and a rock. Uriel, my sweet and sensitive Uriel. He didn’t look like he belonged on the battle field. He looked more like the kind who was to stay back, strategize for the others. Michael, hardened by time, a true and fearless warrior. And yet beneath all of that strength, beyond his warrior, there was a kind a loving soul. One hurt by time. He was misunderstood. I haven’t figures Gabriel out yet. He seemed almost distrustful, stressed right now. But overall, I felt an ease about him. He was a go with the flow kind of guy.

“You didn’t offend me. Not really.” I sighed. “It’s just hard. Being so far away from them.” I rubbed my fist over my chest again.

“if they made a promise to you, they will honor it.” Gabriel tried assuring me, but even I could feel the uncertainty in his voice.

“You can’t know that, just as that is not a promise they are sure they will be able to keep. No matter how many battles you all have been through, none of you can promise you will return, because none of you know if you will survive.” The thought made the tightening in my chest worse. I knew this from the moment they promised me, but I let them think I believed them. They wouldn’t go any other way. And again they were needed there more than they are here. Though I wish it wasn’t true.