SLOW BURN SHADOWS

CHAPTER ELEVEN:OUR FIRST FAMILY TRIP

After Ray was born, the first three months passed like a beautiful but tiring dream. My little boy was healthy and growing fast, but taking care of him was harder than I thought. He cried a lot at night, and I was always tired. Mr. Raymond — my husband — tried his best to help. He would wake up with me, rock the baby, and change diapers even when he had important meetings the next day. Sometimes I looked at him and wondered how the strict CEO who used to scare everyone in the office could be so gentle with our son.

One morning when Ray was four months old, my husband came to me while I was feeding the baby. He had that soft smile I loved so much. “Bella, I think it is time for our family honeymoon. Just the three of us. Somewhere quiet and beautiful where we can rest and enjoy being together.”

I felt happy but also a little scared. Traveling with a small baby? What if Ray got sick? What if I was too tired to enjoy it? But I saw the excitement in my husband’s eyes, so I nodded. “Where are we going?”

He smiled bigger. “A private villa in Hawaii. Warm sun, blue ocean, and people who will help with the baby if we need rest. I already arranged everything — a private jet, a doctor on call, and a nanny who is very experienced with newborns.”

My heart beat fast. Hawaii? I had only seen such places in movies. A few weeks later we were on the plane. Ray slept most of the way in my arms while Mr. Raymond held my hand. When we landed, the air was warm and smelled like flowers. A big car took us to a beautiful villa right by the beach. The house had white walls, big windows, and a private pool that looked straight at the ocean. It was like paradise.

The first days were wonderful. In the morning we would sit on the balcony with Ray. My husband would hold him and make funny faces to make him smile. I felt relaxed for the first time since the baby came. We walked on the beach in the evening, my feet in the warm sand while Mr. Raymond carried Ray in a baby carrier. The waves made soft sounds and the sunset painted the sky orange and pink. “This is what I always wanted,” my husband said one evening. “A family. Real love. Thank you for giving it to me, Bella.”

I smiled and leaned on his shoulder. But deep inside, I was struggling. My body still felt different after giving birth. I was tired all the time and sometimes I cried for no reason when Ray wouldn’t stop crying at night. I didn’t tell my husband because I didn’t want to worry him. He was so happy and I wanted to be happy too.

On the fifth day, things became harder. Ray had a small fever and cried nonstop. I tried everything — feeding him, rocking him, singing to him — but nothing worked. I felt like a bad mother. Tears came to my eyes while I walked around the room with him at 3 a.m. Mr. Raymond woke up and took the baby from me gently.

“Bella, go and rest. I will handle him tonight.”

I went to lie down but I couldn’t sleep. Instead I cried quietly into the pillow. Why was I feeling this way? I loved my baby more than anything, but sometimes I felt empty and sad. The next morning my husband noticed my red eyes. “Are you okay, my love? You look tired.”

I wanted to tell him everything — the tiredness, the strange sadness, the fear that I was not good enough as a wife and mother now. But the words wouldn’t come out. I just smiled and said, “I’m fine. Just a little tired from the trip.”

He hugged me and kissed my forehead. “You are doing amazing, Bella. Ray is lucky to have you as his mother. I am lucky to have you as my wife.”

His words made me feel better for a while. We spent the day by the pool. The nanny helped with Ray so we could swim together. My husband held me in the water and kissed me softly. For a moment I felt like the old Bella again — the girl who fell in love with the CEO. But when night came and Ray cried again, the heavy feeling returned.

On the last night of our trip, we sat on the beach after the baby was finally sleeping. Mr. Raymond put his arm around me. “Bella, I can see something is bothering you. You can tell me anything. We are a team now.”

I took a deep breath and tried to explain. “I love Ray so much, but sometimes I feel very sad and tired. Like I am not myself. I don’t know why. I feel guilty because you are so happy and I should be happy too.”

He listened quietly, then pulled me closer. “It is normal, my love. The doctor told me this can happen after having a baby. It is called baby blues or something more. We will see the doctor when we get back. You are not alone. I am here to carry the weight with you.”

His words made me cry again, but this time they were tears of relief. He didn’t judge me. He just held me tighter and promised we would face everything together.

The trip ended with more love than when it started. On the plane back home, I looked at my sleeping husband and our beautiful baby. Life was not perfect, but it was ours. Still, a small question stayed in my heart: Would I be able to overcome this heavy feeling inside me, or would it grow bigger and affect our happy family?

TBC