A Silence that hurts
1303 Words
When I opened the door, the sight of him stopped me in my tracks. He was sitting up now, his head bowed, the faint glow of the moon painting his face in soft shadows. He looked so small, so utterly defeated, that it broke something in me.
I made my way towards his bed then carefully sat next to him. Upon my sitting down he flinched and clenched his fist but pother than that i didnt receive any acknowledgement. he didnt look up nor did he say anything.
On their own accord my hands moved swiftly to his trying to offere comfort. My responses towards him at this point no longer surprised me. It seemed that when it came to him I was unhinged.
The silence stretched on, heavy and unyielding. His hand, warm in mine, gave the faintest twitch before he withdrew it, retreating into himself once more.
He looked down, his jaw tight, his lips pressed into a thin line that told me everything I needed to know: he wasn’t going to say anything.
Frustration surged, hot and bitter, why? I didnt know but I bit it back.
He wasn’t refusing to talk just to spite me—at least, that’s what I tried to tell myself. Still, the weight of his silence was unbearable, like a wall I couldn’t climb no matter how hard I tried.
And weirdly enough it hurt. it hurt having him deny me his voice even if it was to tell me to leave. when did i get this desperate.His silence was supposed o be a gvood thing to me.
It meant I didnt have to force myself to interact with him. He was giving me an out then how come I was getting worked over it.
“Fine,” I said, my voice sharper than I intended.
His eyes flicked toward me briefly only to have him look away again. It only made my frustration deepen. I had come back here, hoping for... what exactly was i hoping for. Come on may dont kid yourself. I just wanted to get a glimpse of him and if im being honest enough it was extra lonely being cooped up in Ash's room all by myself.
So I wandered here because despite my conflicts his soul still calls for mine. If i kept coming back now what did that say about the furture.
At this thought I stood abruptly, the movement jerking the bed slightly.
“I know all this may be a little overwhelming for you more so my presence so I’m going to be giving you space,” I said, more to convince myself than him.
He didn’t move, didn’t try to stop me. And that hurt more than I cared to admit.
The storm outside was in full force now, the wind howling and rain slamming against the windows as I stepped into the hallway. I closed the door behind me with more force than necessary, leaning against it for a moment as I took a deep, shuddering breath.
The house felt colder, emptier and I wanted to scream, to punch something, to do anything that might release the pressure building inside me.
Instead, I shoved my hands into the pockets of my hoodie and started down the hall, my steps quick and purposeful.
The front door creaked as I pushed it open, stepping out into the storm.
The rain which had already started was icy as it soaked through my clothes in seconds, but I didn’t care. I needed the chill to shock me out of the mess swirling in my head.
Lightning flashed, illuminating the packlands in a brief, ghostly glow. For a moment, I stood still, letting the rain pound against me, my face tipped toward the sky. The cold was grounding, a sharp contrast to the frustration and ache roiling inside me.
“I can’t keep doing this,” I whispered to no one in particular. The wind tore the words away, scattering them into the night.
It wasn’t just his silence that hurt.
It was the way it felt like rejection, like a wall he refused to let me break through. Ironic considering thats exactly what i intended to do top him, reject him.
At this thought an ironioc laugh leaves my lips and with it comes tears which are washed do2n byb the down pour. but the more they get washed the more the shed.
This was so confusing. I understood that he was hurting, that he had been through things I couldn’t even begin to fathom. But how was I supposed to help him if he wouldn’t let me in? And would I survive leaving him at the end of it all if he decides to let me in.
Or maybe he saw through my intentions.
The storm raged on around me, as fierce and chaotic as the emotions inside me. My tears stopped running and I brought my arms around wrapping myself, not for warmth but for comfort, as I tried to piece together my next move.
I couldn’t give up on him—not when his life was dependent on the bond between us. I couldnt watch him die. But I also couldn’t keep pouring myself out only to be on the loosing side by the end of it all.
Maybe Ashton was right. Maybe I was taking on too much, trying to fix something that couldn’t be fixed alone. But the idea of involving Dad still made my stomach twist. His involvement would make everything permanent, irreversible, and I wasn’t ready for that.
A c***k of thunder startled me, pulling me out of my thoughts. The rain was relentless, but it didn’t bother me as much now. If anything, it felt cleansing, as though it might wash away some of the heaviness pressing down on me.
And I decided to go for a run. They helped even if the last one was to blame for the mess I was in at right now. Leaving the cabin hoping hed be fine while I was away for a few minutes i made my way to the forest and picked up pace as i got deeper into the forest.
It felt refreshing and my thloughts were rushing just as my blood and my body was.
I didn’t have all the answers, not yet. But as I ran in the storm, one thing became clear: I couldn’t force him to open up. I had to give him time, space, even if it frustrated me, even if it hurt. And I needed the space to come to terms with what exactly it was i wanted. and understand what was in line for every choice I made.
At this final thought I decided to head bvack home -to the castle- dad was probably going mad right now last hed checked in hed demanded I get back buy I guess ashton talked to him but I was cashing in my last of patience.
The storm inside me began to settle, just a little, as I made my way back to the Castle and made my way to my room but not before telling Ashton where I was and asking him to watch our guest.
I walked into my bathroom tpo get a quick shower in before my father came looking for me. he probably already knows iom around and im sure hes just giving me a minute before he can come looking.
After the shower I change into my nightwear before curling up on the bed as the rain drummed against the roof.
Sleep didn’t come easily, but as I lay there, staring at the ceiling, I resolved to be patient. If he needed silence, I would give it to him. But I wouldn’t give up on him. Not yet.
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- Writer
