Love the Lost

The Runaway

The Runaway

"Don't do it!" His pills went flying across the room.

"Marie! God damn it, I need those!" He frantically picked up as many of his pills he could and shoved them into his mouth.

“Remus!" Tears began to form in Marie's turquoise eyes. "You don't need that many!"

Remus sat back to stare at his sister. One of her purple highlights had fallen in front of her face, her brown hair appeared ruffled. He glanced at her outfit. Today she chose a blue and purple, low-cut shirt with a skull in the center. A black rose tattoo seemed to glow off of her left shoulder. Her legs were covered by black skinny jeans; boots were laced up to her knees.

"Goth doesn't suit you, sister." He sipped some water.

Snake bites and pink lipstick appeared on her lips. A black choker with a bat pendant materialized on her neck.

"And junkie doesn't suit you." She smirked.

Remus shook his head. Marie was going all out in her pursuit to annoy her brother today. She wouldn't always look this way. Some days she'd wear a green dress, and others, blue jeans and an unmarked, single colored shirt.

Now, Remus wasn't opposed to the goth look. He often sported the look, with his hair covering his left eye and he'd often wear dark hoodies and jeans. His arms bore the pain in his heart. But he didn't want his sister to know what his suffering felt like. That's why he hated her wearing such negative clothes.

"Marie, it's just not you." He shook his head. "Why don't you show your true self?" He fumbled in his pockets until he found three more pills and popped them.

"Stop that!" Marie screamed. "That's already twelve!"

Screaming erupted in the next room. Remus jumped, glanced at the wall, rolled his eyes and took two more pills. "If twenty don't kill me, fourteen won't either." His dresser shook as more pounding exploded on his wall. "Besides, I'm leaving and I have to walk out there." He pointed toward the yelling. "I ain't about to go sober."

Marie sat next to her brother. Quiet tears streamed down her cheeks. "Are you going to go see them?"

"Show your true self, Marie." He whispered. "I'll let you come."

"I can come regardless." Marie snorted. "But I'll change so that I can see you smile." Her highlights and makeup disappeared. Her skull shirt and pants were replaced by a purple dress and matching toddler sandals; piercings completely gone and tattoo cleared; the spirit of a three-year-old now sat beside Remus.

He was born able to see her, he wasn't sure how. She was his best friend when he was growing up. She would do her best to try and make him smile. He liked seeing her in her real body. A little toddler.

Somehow Remus was more comfortable seeing her this way. Maybe it was because of the innocence that she'd always have. She'd never have to strive for love. She'd never feel the pain of rejection. She'd never get drunk nor high. She was three, the embodiment of innocence.

So maybe her parents sleeping off a high was a good thing. Maybe that car spared her from a life of hell, and dying in a stranger's arms was god being kind.

Yet her soul never left. She watched as her parents' drug intake increased. They had tried everything to prevent their upcoming child. They wanted a new daughter, not a son.

Marie told Remus that he was born with a blue face and pale skin. It took the doctors ten minutes to get his heart going and the next day he was in surgery. He was born with a hole in his heart, but the surgery only fixed so much with drugs running through his newborn veins. He developed a murmur and needed medication to regulate his heart.

The way he was being raised caused him anxiety that gave him more medication. He was just like them, always high.

Tonight, however, he would escape the pain for just a little bit. He was to meet with his friends and relax. He packed his pills, extra clothes, chips and water in a backpack. He would stay with them for a few days and return before his parents even realized that he was gone.

He held his breath as he reached for the doorknob. Marie attempted to comfort her brother, though her hand only left a chill upon his skin. He rushed for the front entrance. He had hoped that his parents would've gone to their bedroom, but they hadn't, and were now screaming....and moaning in the kitchen.

Bile rose in Remus's throat when he witnessed his father bending his mother over the kitchen table and thrusting into her.

"Oh god!" Marie turned away.

Remus ran to the front door and opened it. He knew that he should just leave, but he was a smart-mouthed thirteen-year-old. He could never hold his tongue. In his defense, mouthing off was one of the only things that made his life a little better.

"Hey, make sure you put on a condom! We don't need another one of you f***s running around!" Remus bolted outside and ran as fast as his heart would let him. He heard his father shout but was too far ahead to make out his slurred words.

Once in the forest, he sat against a tree. His heart pounded, his legs ached and his lungs burned, but he chuckled. It was always a rush escaping a beating. His father would forget all about the incident in a few hours.

As invincible as he felt, there was something wrong. He couldn't manage to calm his breathing, and each breath burned more intensely.

Marie stared into his eyes, concern on her face. "Brother?" She whined.

"I'm okay." He reassured her. "I just gotta rest for a little bit." The drugs were kicking in at that point. His sight became blurry. Marie slowly began to disappear.

His breaths turned to gasps, his untreated asthma taking over. "Fuck." He felt his heart begin to pump harder.

"Rem." Marie tried to place her hand on his cheek, but he only received chills. She was sixteen again, sporting a white dress and braided brown hair. "Remy, breathe."

Remus could barely see his sister. His heart was beating too fast; too hard. His head pounded as black dots filled his vision.

"Evan?" A warm hand touched his neck. "s**t, sorry about this dude." Remus felt a light feeling on his lips before the world completely faded.

Eric? What's that feeling? What are you doing?

*

Remus had met Eric one year prior. Remus was barely alive back then. His parents would give him only a sandwich once a day. They would've gotten rid of him, but his grandmother, their financial benefactor, would cut them off. She wanted a grandchild, and his parents couldn't survive without her money.

Eric saved Remus's life. They'd met at the local park, where Remus would sit and people watch, while popping his pills. That was his peace in a world of pain. Not only was it a beautiful grassy place, with children playing on the jungle gym; it was also the number one place for deals.

Eric was the one to go to for a pill high. Pills weren't the only drugs he'd sell, but they were his forte. Remus often considered buying from him, but he had no money and nothing to trade, except his medication.

On a day like any other, the scarred face, midnight blue-eyed Eric approached him. His black hair escaped from under his gray hoodie, his snake bites glistened in the light.. Despite the intimidating appearance, he bore a dazzling smile.

"Hey, kid, " He sat next to Remus. "sup?"

Remus eyed him. Now that Eric was beside him, it was easy to decide if he was a threat. Remus could see scars on Eric's hands, his muscles somewhat showed from his hoodie. He was skinny and towered over the five foot six Remus by, at least, four inches. If violence ensued, there was no way Remus could defeat Eric.

"I'm bird watching." Remus muttered, avoiding eye contact. He'd been robbed from before by both his parents and dealers. He figured that if he seemed disinterested, then Eric would leave him alone.

"Bet you've seen some pretty rare ones, huh?" Eric nodded toward the pill bottle in Remus's hands. s**t, I forgot to put my pills away. "You've taken what, ten?" Eric continued. "Saw you take twenty before. My name's Eric."

"I know who you are." Remus placed his pills safely in his pocket. "What do you want?" He had his guard up.

Eric reached into his hoodie pocket. Remus's heart began to race. He thought for sure that Eric was grabbing for a weapon; he was going to be robbed again. But in place of a gun or knife, was a stack of cash. "I want you and your pills. You've got what it takes to join my crew and, with the way you pop those, I can tell that you got good s**t. This is my offer, you want to take part?"

Remus stared at the stack of cash. In it, he saw hope, food for his empty stomach, new and clean clothes, and every chance for a better life Remus had been dreaming about. He reached out to touch it, but Eric shifted it back and shoved it into his pocket.

"Ready to negotiate?" Eric's grin grew. Remus knew that it was probably a bad idea. He barely knew anything about Eric. His medication was all he had, but the money would give him life.

"Yes." Remus nodded, and so the partnership began. Everything changed for Remus. Eric set him up as a partner in his business. Remus would give Eric three pills from each of his medications a week, in exchange for them; Remus would get one hundred dollars.

Remus didn't completely trust Eric, however, and informed him that his first name was Evan; his middle name became his dealer name. They were becoming friends, but Evan would stick as his first name, and he never said his last name. This friendship would blossom into something very odd.

*

Remus awoke with his head on the cold grass. His back hurt, his lungs ached, and his head throbbed. The forest was completely dark with crickets chirping in the distance. The rest of the forest was quiet, except for the breathing of fellow beings.

"Hey," Eric said when Remus pushed off of the ground. "you alright?"

"Yeah." Remus rubbed the back of his neck. "How long have I been out?"

"A few hours." Eric sighed.

"Yeah, I had to come find you." An angry girl punched Remus in the upper arm.

"Sorry Hay." Remus rubbed his arm. "I didn't mean to pass out."

Hay, Haley, for lack of a better explanation, was Eric's girlfriend. She was very beautiful, with short blonde hair, turquoise eyes and a medium bust. She was also very clingy and seemed more like a stalker than a girlfriend. Eric didn't really like her, but he loved the free s*x.

"When I got here, you weren't breathing." Haley crossed her arms over her chest. "Eric was breathing for you."

"Your throat nearly closed." Marie was blurry beside him. I must not have taken enough. "Eric kept rubbing your throat, trying to keep it open. He was really gentle."

Remus blushed. Now he realized what that soft feeling on his lips was. He had felt Eric's lips.

A whole year of wanting his kiss and this is how it happened? From an attack? Fantastic.

He was ashamed of his feelings. Boys shouldn't love boys. It was unnatural and wrong. He hated himself.

"Brother, it's okay to be bisexual." His sister reassured him. "Remy, it's okay."

Remus shook his head.

"Yeah, but I got you breathing." Eric slapped his back. "Ready to go to my house?"

"Yes, finally!" Haley picked up a large duffle bag. "I can't wait to move in!"

"That was tonight..." Remus rubbed his forehead. He'd forgotten that Haley was running away. She was finally escaping her druggy family. She was lucky.

They were actually worse than his parents. They'd leave their used needles all over the house and never had food in the fridge. Before Eric met her, she had to steal from different stores in order to survive. Eric took her under his wing, trading s*x for food, shelter, and false love.

"Yeah, and I could've used your help getting this bag out of my window," Haley complained. "so you get to carry it." She threw it at him.

Remus fell on his rear. Eric grabbed the bag and then pulled Remus to his feet. He gently gave Remus the bag and started to walk. Haley latched onto Eric's arm.

This is so freaking heavy. I know that I'm not very strong but this is ridiculous. What'd she put in this, a safe? I'm gonna pop my arm out of socket.

"Hay, this is heavy." Remus whined.

"Wimp." Haley giggled. "Eric didn't think it was heavy."

"Yeah, but he works out." Remus countered. "I can't afford to waste my calorie intake."

Remus had plenty of money, but every time he bought himself food, his parents would take it away. He could only manage to hide small snacks, and those certainly wouldn't help with getting stronger.

"You're just a wimp." Haley teased.

Once at Eric's house, they were greeted by Eric's sister. Her name was Penelope, but she liked to be called P. She held her nineteen-month-old son, Eric, in her arms. Eric hated that his nephew was named after him, but it was his sister's way of showing her love for him. She also had a seven-month-old daughter, named Ashley. P loved her children and was a great mother.

She cared for every person that came to her door. She was twenty and incredibly smart. She'd taken college courses while in high school and passed it quickly. She was in medical school and working as an assistant nurse.

"Hi, P." Haley grabbed her bag from Remus. "I'm all set."

"Ah." P was less than enthusiastic. "Alrighty then."

She had told Remus that she wasn't happy about Haley living with them. She was afraid of the influence that she had on Eric's drug addiction, or that Eric would get her pregnant. They lived in a three-bedroom apartment. There was barely any room for Ashley, let alone Haley.

"Hey sis, can you check Evan out?" Eric asked. "He had an attack earlier, also...he can still spend a couple of days, right? His dad was walking around, buck ass naked, with his gun looking for him."

"You didn't tell me that." Remus shuttered. "Surprised he didn't find me."

"I approached him and said that I saw you running in the opposite direction. He took off." Eric chuckled. "What'd you do to piss him off this time?"

"He and my mother were f*****g on the kitchen table." Remus shuttered. "And you know my mouth."

Eric chuckled; P rolled her eyes. "Language boys." She sighed. "Come to my room, Evan, and yes, he can stay for three days. Then he has to go, alright?" She handed Little Eric to her boyfriend, Peter, and walked to her bedroom.

Remus followed. P was basically his doctor. She would give him checkups once a week. She'd make sure he had enough of his medication and treated him like he mattered.

Remus closed the door. P grabbed his face and studied his eyes.

"You're high." She shook her head. "You're just as bad as the rest of them." She sat on her bed and opened her kit. "Come on."

"She's stressed out." Marie appeared beside her. "You should talk to her."

Remus nodded and sat next to P. She put a cuff on his arm.

"P, are you okay?" He asked.

She sighed. "Haley is going to mess everything up." She squeezed air into the cuff. "Eric is going to have an even better excuse to get high...and if he gets her pregnant...they don't even use condoms..." She shook her head. "I've told you this before. But how could I say no? She was living in such filth and pain."

Remus patted her hand. "You didn't have to agree...she could've just come over whenever."

"But Eric asked, and Haley is suicidal. If she killed herself, it would send Eric even further into his dark world." P removed the cuff.

"You're a good person." Remus whispered.

P shook her head and got her stethoscope ready. "Lean forward." She instructed. She listened to his heart for a few minutes and then his lungs. "Deep breaths."

She placed her stethoscope back in her bag and fell back on her bed. "Your asthma's getting worse, and you need to stop taking so many of your pills. It's making your heart worse. If you ain't careful, your heart will get as bad as Eric's."

She'd been telling him that for a year. He knew that she was right. Eric was on a very long list for an organ transplant. His heart wasn't failing quite yet, but it would if he didn't take care of himself.

"It's okay if I die." Remus whispered. "But Eric will be alright. I make sure that he doesn't take too many."

P sighed and stared at Remus. "An addict trying to fix an addict, irony much?" She sat up and smiled at him. "And you're important too, and the love you have for Eric is adorable. You're like the brother we always wanted."

Remus chuckled. She wouldn't understand that the love he felt for Eric wasn't brotherly. Marie was the only one he knew that would support him. But that love could never be exposed, or he'd be abandoned by the only good people in his life.

"And you guys are the family I've always wanted." Remus whispered. "Y'all might not be perfect, but at least ya haven't shot me."

P gave him a weak smile, while Marie glared at him. He looked away.

"That's not funny." Marie grumbled. "You almost died."

Remus closed his eyes, remembering when his father tried to murder him. Remus was upset that day. He was running out of his anxiety medication and would have to wait to get more. His parents wouldn't take him; it had only been two days since his prescription had been filled. His heart medication could give him a high, but he didn't have Eric to get more from when he ran out. And using those to get high would definitely mess him up. If he ran out of his heart meds, he would die before getting more. When he was ten, he wasn't completely ready to die.

Remus had gone out the day prior and wandered around, sleeping in the woods. He'd gotten a beating earlier in the week and just wanted to escape. Sad enough, his parents didn't notice that he'd been missing. When he got home, his father spat insults his way. He insisted that Remus was useless and should be dead. He was told that he should do his parents a favor and kill himself.

He'd only returned for the dinner that his grandmother came to every week. The last time he was absent from a dinner, he was locked in his room and starved for four days.

On this day, Remus retaliated. He told his father to shut up, that they were horrible people and that they were the reason Marie had died. Remus knew he'd overstepped the second he mentioned Marie. He knew that Marie was their greatest regret. They truly did love their daughter. They just couldn't stop themselves from a high, much like Remus.

His father muttered something and stormed into the kitchen. He'd returned with a gun. He heard his father say something about him dying, but Remus could only hear his pounding heart and Marie's scream. That was the first time he'd heard the thunderous roar of a gun.

Marie had jumped in front of him as if she could take the shot for her brother. With the energy she had been collecting, to hide her brother's pills, she managed to slightly curve the bullet. It still went into his chest but had moved enough to miss his heart by mere millimeters. His mother had called an ambulance so that they wouldn't lose their money. He'd died seven times but had pulled through.

His parents claimed that he had attempted suicide. The police took one look at the scars on his wrist, and it was all over.

*

Dinner that night was fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn and green beans. Remus was only used to meals like this during his family dinners. He wasn't allowed to eat more than half a cup of an item. He was the one that made dinner, but he could only eat a tiny portion of it.

He had to be cautious when he ate, however. He was always on the verge of starvation. His stomach would expel his food if he ate too quickly.

"So, did your parents say anything about you leaving?" Peter asked Haley, who was happily chomping down on her meal.

"No, they didn't know that I'd left." Haley grinned. "I went out the window and wrote a suicide note. It said that I was going to donate my clothes and then commit suicide in the woods. They wouldn't be able to find me if I did die there, so it seemed most logical."

Haley thought things through, for the most part, fought for what she believed in and always forced a smile. Remus admired her resilience, even if Eric didn't see it. She was like them. She should've been dead.

She fought hard in the war against the world. She wasn't about to let it take her from the ones she loved.

"Evan." Eric pulled Remus from his thoughts. "You alright? Peter asked if you had school in the morning."

"Oh no." Remus chuckled. "I paid my tutor off this week and already completed my assignments. He gives me all of the answers."

"You'll need that." P did her "mom" voice.

"Nah P, I'll take care of him. That's an excellent idea, though." Eric began stroking an imaginary beard. "Maybe I'll pay off my teachers."

"Oh no." P's voice grew in harshness. "And you do have classes in the morning; you'll have to get used to it."

Eric rolled his eyes. "P, I can do the assignments whenever. It's online, no one cares."

"Well, I care." P shot back. "You'll also need to start limiting your trips outside. The cold will be setting in soon."

"I know." Eric's sarcasm soon left his voice. His midnight blue eyes filled with sorrow.

Remus knew that Eric was thinking about his past. For a moment, he could see Eric without the scars on his face and arms. He saw Eric as the tiny toddler Eric's mother had once shown him.

He revisited the memory that was shared with him. Eric's mother had revealed to Remus the first time Eric was nearly killed by his father. Eric was only two when his drunken father locked him out of the house, during a snowfall and left him to die. P had gotten home to witness her brother being placed in an ambulance. He saw the neighbors dog, leading its owner through the snow and to the location of Eric's dying body. That dog saved his life.

Due to the incident, Eric's immune system was nearly destroyed. He did well in warm weather, only receiving small colds and fevers, but the cold would cause him to be bedridden. He could only go out for a maximum of ten minutes, in the snow, and had to wear four layers of clothing. Doctors weren't completely sure why he had become so susceptible, and they didn't know how to fix it.

Eric's mother had a heart condition, much like his. She had his sister and brother with minor side effects. But pregnancy was hard on her, and she was informed that a third child would probably kill her. Nevertheless, she had an accidental pregnancy.

Her husband begged her to abort the child, as her condition deteriorated, but she refused. During Eric's birth, his mother had died. He had, unfortunately, inherited her condition. His father abused him, claiming that he had killed his mother. Eric was the only one of his siblings to be born with black hair and midnight blue eyes, like his mother. His siblings were born with their father's brown eyes and hair.

Eric's mother had shown Remus her whole pregnancy and Eric's life, up until P took him from that horrid place. Remus watched Eric's father and brother abuse him, his addictions taking hold, the cutting, and the exercising. Eric would strive to gain muscles and strength; he wanted to be able to defend himself.

It wasn't the first time a spirit had shown Remus their death but she was the first to show him the life of someone else. Eric's mother wasn't around as much, however, for she could no longer watch her child destroy his life.

"I'll help out as much as I can." Remus returned to the present. "I've got your back. I can be the face of the business until it's spring."

Eric nodded, while P and Marie held back tears. Remus didn't like disappointing them, but he couldn't leave Eric hanging. If any of Eric's business partners discovered that he was weak, they might use it against him. Eric used his scars to scare people, stating that the ones on his face were from battles won. Remus had to protect his friend, as Eric had done for him.

As if knowing that he needed to cheer the family up, P's son flipped his peas onto the floor. Ashley giggled at her brother's mess.

P laughed while Eric got up to clean the mess. "You're the best little brother in the world." She teased.

"I mean, he's a mini me in every way." Eric chuckled. "Might as well make it up to you."

P had practically raised Eric. Since her father had no desire to care for him, she became his mother. Eric had often expressed his appreciation for her sacrifice, and now she had two of her own children. Her daughter inherited her brown hair and Peter's hazel eyes. Little Eric, however, looked exactly like his uncle, right down to his toes. It was peculiar, but not unheard of.

After dinner, Remus and Eric did the dishes. Haley and Peter played with the kids in the living room. P was wiping down the table and stove.

For a moment, everything seemed right. Remus felt content. The children's giggles and overall tranquility made him feel like he was part of a real family.

"Hey." Eric splashed Remus with the sink water. "You're letting the dishes pile up."

Remus reached his hand under the faucet and splashed Eric. They splashed each other for a good ten minutes before Haley got jealous. She came over, grabbed Eric and planted her lips on his. She pushed him against the sink, as their kiss deepened.

"That's disgusting." Marie crossed her arms over her chest. "Why do you hang out with these people? They're practically f*****g! They make your addictions worse! They aren't right for you, brother."

Remus glared at her. He couldn't talk to her, or risk looking insane. She knew that he loved his friends, made into a family. They'd saved him and kept him alive. He would always love them.

"Don't give me that look." Marie stuck her tongue out at him. "I just want you safe."

But he was safe and would never be safer. Eric took better care of him than his parents ever had. Eric made sure he was fed, had clean clothes, P to monitor his condition and even a toothbrush. Eric brought him smiles when there was no reason to be happy.

P finally broke Eric and Haley up. The dishes were done and everyone settled into their rooms. Eric got out a sleeping bag for Remus. The three then indulged themselves in their favorite past time.

*

Leave me alone! Leave me alone! No! No!

"Hey, wake up." Eric whispered. Remus jolted awake. His heart thumped in his chest, breaths ragged. "Calm down."

Remus was drenched in sweat. The woman's screams were ringing in his ears. Another lost spirit begging for help.

"He's shaking." Haley was touching his back. "It's been a few hours, think he'll be okay if he takes more?"

"Yeah." Eric got up and locked his door. "I'll unlock it once we're high." He got some pills from his closet and handed six to Haley, eight to Remus and ten for himself.

Remus took them immediately. He knew he needed to calm his body, or he might end up having another attack. He hated leaving his body. Spirits would often pull him out of his body to show them where they died and beg him for help. He couldn't control or fight it and he wasn't sure what he could do to stop them. It always messed with his breathing and heart rate. He figured that it'd kill him one day.

But now he was back in his body, pulled back by Eric's voice. He was safe and surrounded by people that loved him. And they were completely high in ten minutes.

Eric and Haley were all over each other. Eric was down to his underwear; his toned body made Remus's blood rush. Haley was in a pink bra, her breasts practically burst from it.

Remus watched, relaxing in the corner. When Eric and Haley were like this, Remus was forgotten. He wouldn't look at them when they made love. He just loved seeing them without their clothes. They were both so beautiful, and Remus could only dream that he'd find someone to love him that way.

"That's disgusting." Marie, sporting blue hair and a black dress, in her teenage body, sat next to him. She pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She stared at Remus. "And you're high."

"Yeah." Remus gave her a genuine smile. He was too high to care if Eric or Haley heard him. The world was slowing down, calming and satisfying. He crawled across the floor and grabbed the pill bottle. He popped a few more pills, ready to escape the whole world, including the paranormal part.

Remus had discovered, some time ago, that if he took enough pills, then he wouldn't see ghosts until he came down. The drugs would make him normal, if only for a few hours. It made him like everyone else, and he loved it.

But the high always faded, the ghosts always came back, and he'd be a freak again. No one would ever understand his pain.

I'll always be alone.

Marie scoffed then completely disappeared. Remus closed his eyes and was completely alone with his thoughts. He contemplated his life and what he was worth. Is the pain even worth it? Who would miss me if I just died? My parents wouldn't even notice. Once they finally did, I'd just be buried in some unmarked grave.

Haley moaned and Remus's thoughts turned to her. It had been two days since she left her parents. A search was ongoing, and everyone was asking Eric questions. People knew that Haley hung out with Eric, and the police were sure that he knew where she would've gone.

This worried P. She feared that Haley would be discovered and that she would be charged with kidnapping. Remus had heard her telling Peter that they'd have to move if things escalated.

They were his family. Tears filled his eyes as he thought about losing them. He loved them; needed them. How could things escalate? Haley's parents are addicts. They don't care about her. They don't love her. Besides, if they left now, then only questions would arise. Right?

"They really were characters, weren't they? Eric was so handsome. No matter what, his hair was constantly perfect. He'd been working out since he was a child and his abs were just beginning to turn into a six-pack. When he'd look at me, my heart would melt. Not gonna lie, he always had me turned on. And Haley! Whew, she was a knock-out. Her bust was a C when we first met. She was a little clingy and could be pretty annoying, but she was also gentle and kind. She would be sincerely concerned whenever I would withdrawal, from my parents stealing my stash. They were my best friends. I loved them."