Love the Lost

Recovery

Recovery

"Mom, are you there? Can you hear me? Look, I don't know if there's a Heaven and that's where you are, or if there's nothing and you're gone but I have a question. I know that you don't know me and that I really shouldn't be asking anything of you, but sis says that you loved me and you gave your life for me, so I think maybe you will listen. Mom, is there any way you can send Evan back to me? I really care about him. I need him. He makes me feel better, happy. He's my best friend, mom. I'd be lost without him. So can you please send him back? Thank you." Remus heard Eric whispering.

Everything was dark until Remus realized that his eyes were just closed. Slowly, he forced them open; his eyelids felt as though they weighed a thousand pounds.

There Eric was, sitting next to Remus with his eyes closed and his head hung. Quiet tears ran down his cheeks and bags darkened his eyes.

Remus tried to speak, but only a soft grunt emerged. Remus's hand ached as he managed to move it onto Eric's hand.

Eric looked down. "Evan?" A smile lit his face. "Oh, my god! Evan! P! P, come quickly!" Eric squeezed Remus's hand, happy tears replacing his sad ones. "You're okay." He whispered. "Please don't go back to sleep."

P stumbled into the room, tripping over her feet. "What's wrong?!" She paused when her eyes fell onto a conscious Remus. She wrapped him in a hug and began to cry. Her arm slightly tugging the IV in his arm. "Praise god." She whispered.

"God hasn't done shit." Eric countered. "It was all you, me and Evan."

P rolled her eyes then began examining Remus. Every poke and prod sent pain through Remus. He felt as though he was lying on a bed of needles. Yet, he couldn't protest. He felt alive.

"How do you feel?" P asked.

Remus opened his mouth to answer, but still, no words came. His throat felt sore.

"Why can't he talk?" Eric asked what Remus wanted to know.

"It can sometimes happen with strangulation." P explained.

"Is it permanent?" Concern filled Eric's voice.

"I'm not sure." P answered. "He might need to be checked out. Honestly, it's probably good that you've been in a coma for four months. It's given you time to heal. It might just take more time or you might never talk again."

*

Eric never left Remus's side. Every day he'd feed him soup, ice cream, and various blended foods. Remus kept trying to feed himself, but Eric wouldn't let him and insisted that he liked caring for him like that. He would help Remus stand and despite every moan of pain, Eric kept him moving.

His body was sore from healing and not moving. His legs needed to build back muscle. He hadn't lost much, but being unused had left them weak. It didn't help that he barely had any muscle on them in the first place. The coma had set him back.

"I'm sorry, buddy." Eric would whisper. "But we can't let you get any weaker. You gotta keep working at it."

Remus only fought for Eric. He wanted to keep that smile on his face. No matter the struggle or pain, Remus had to keep trying.

Haley didn't like all the attention that Eric was giving Remus. She acted as though Remus was faking everything. She didn't seem to understand what the coma did to him.

"Anyone can walk. It's not hard." She scoffed as Eric helped Remus across the living room floor.

"Shut up." Eric snorted. He's been in a coma for months, Haley. We need to strengthen his muscles back up."

"What muscles?" Haley rolled her eyes. "Why don't you let the baby talk for himself?"

"You know he can't!" Eric growled. "Now shut up, b***h!"

Haley leaped up with a devilish grin. "Here, let me help." She jumped at Eric and pushed him away from Remus.

"f**k!" Eric swore as Remus tumbled forward.

Remus couldn't maneuver his arms to the front in time, and so he landed hard on his chest. The air escaped him with a giant "ooof". Every nerve exploded with pain. Yet only moans escaped his lips.

"What the Hell!" Peter shouted.

Eric leaped to his feet and attacked Haley. He was furious and beyond rational thought as he lay his fists into her body.

"You stupid b***h!" He shouted. "Why would you do that?!"

"Eric!" Peter watched as Remus struggled to take a breath. "Eric!" He tried to pull Eric off of Haley, but Eric was too strong. "Eric, you'll kill her! Eric, Evan can't breathe! Stop it! I'll get P!"

Eric stopped abruptly. Haley took off for her room, blood pouring from her nose.

Remus looked at Eric with fear as he fought for air. He'd never witnessed Eric's temper get so bad before. Sure he'd seen him hit Haley once or twice, but never beat her. Although, that wasn't Remus's main concern at that moment.

He couldn't breathe. His lungs ached, but they wouldn't take in any air.

Eric lifted Remus to his feet. He was breathing heavily and his eyes still looked, somewhat wild. "Sorry Evan." Eric shook an inhaler then held it to Remus's mouth. "Try to breathe okay?"

After a few failed attempts, Remus took a breath. He coughed a bit before he could take normal breaths.

"There we go." Eric smiled, his eyes turning kind.

Remus was unsure of what to feel. After all, he'd just witnessed his best friend beating up a girl. Sure, Haley had no right to push Eric and cause Remus more pain, but she didn't deserve a beating. He thought Eric was going to kill Haley.

*

Remus was in bed when P came home. She stormed into the room, interrupting Eric reading to Remus.

"We need to talk." P's eyes were full of rage and her tone was that of a furious woman. "Now Eric."

Eric wasted no time with hopping to his feet and following P out of the room. Haley then quietly crept in and sat next to Remus.

She had purple blots on her cheek where she tried to cover her beating with makeup. Her nose was slightly swollen and she had a cut on her top lip. Despite her appearance, she acted as normal as ever.

"I just wanted to apologize." She said. "I shouldn't have made you fall. It was wrong of me. And I'm not trying to justify my actions, but it's been hard around here. Eric never leaves this room, so I hardly see him. I'd sit in here too, but you're boring. We both have missed you, but I ran away to be with Eric and he's been with you. It just hasn't been fair. But I shouldn't have hurt you and I deserved my punishment."

Remus shook his head. Haley didn't deserve a beating. He could only imagine how hard it's been for her to watch her boyfriend ignore her. And then the first attention he gives her is a beating. No, she shouldn't have pushed him, but he could've just settled on yelling at her.

Remus stared deep into Haley's eyes. Behind the sparkling turquoise, he saw her pain. She couldn't hide behind the fake smile or makeup. Her eyes would always give her away. She was always in pain.

Haley seemed to study Remus. She didn't speak when he reached out and caressed her cheek. She just flinched and stared at him.

"I didn't tell P." She whispered. "Peter did." She lowered her head, her eyes inches from Remus's. "When was the last time you were kissed? A real kiss? Not mouth to mouth. An intimate act between two people?" Her lips brushed against Remus's cheek. "When was the last time you were kissed?"

A couple weeks ago by a girl that may not be real...

Her lips brushed his with an electrifying hunger. Her tongue brushed over his, her piercing gliding over his tongue and sending sensations like he'd never felt before. She tasted of lemons, her warm breath tickled his face.

He felt the pill as it rolled over his tongue. From her tongue to his and over again; the pill danced between them. The kissing quickened until Remus swallowed.

Haley smiled and backed away from Remus. His heart continued to race. His head swirled from excitement.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, my friend." She grinned and bit her bottom lip. She gave him one last kiss and smiled. "Don't tell him. Oh wait, you can't talk." She skipped to the door then looked back. "By the way, you'll be feeling that very soon. I got it from a really reliable seller."

*

Weeks passed. It became routine for Eric to help Remus walk and then Haley give him a pill. She only ever kissed him once, but the pills were amazing. Remus had never experienced a high so fantastic. The world would become full of color and beautiful. He never saw nor heard any spirits. He was at peace.

Eric never seemed to notice, however. But how could he? Remus still couldn't speak so slurred speech wouldn't give him away. His muscles were gaining strength quickly, though Remus wasn't surprised. He'd lost twenty-five pounds in his coma since the only substance he was getting was from the IV. His body didn't have much to support. Yet, his voice had yet to return.

It was hard for Remus. He couldn't tell Remus that he was sorry for causing so much trouble. He couldn't thank him for saving his life. He couldn't thank P. He couldn't say anything. And he couldn't ask about his letter.

Eric never mentioned anything about it, neither did P nor Haley. They acted as though they never saw it. But Remus knew that someone had to have found the letter. It was too much to ask that the letter was never found.

On the other hand, the silence was dangerous. A shadow had begun to hide from him. It hid in the corners and kept far away from the light. The being wanted to take him. Remus knew that and yet, he could do nothing to protect himself.

He couldn't run from it, his legs still wobbled. He couldn't hit it. He couldn't fight it. He couldn't beg for help. He was terrified, yet there wasn't anything he could do.

The best solution was to keep someone nearby. Eric was usually pretty good at staying in the room; reading or just talking to Remus.

"Little Eric is starting to say sentences." Eric blabbed. "It's really cool and Ashley just started walking! They're both really smart."

Remus nodded then rubbed his stomach. Eric had tried to get him to write on notebook paper, but Remus hated writing. His hands always cramped up and there was too much to say; not everything would fit on paper.

"Hungry?" Eric asked.

Remus nodded.

"I'll make you some soup." Eric stood.

The shadow leaped in the darkness. It was happy. Remus would be alone. He would be vulnerable.

Fuck, I'll be killed.

Eric was at the door, about to leave. He wasn't looking at Remus and couldn't see the panic in his eyes. He shoved the blankets off of him and tried to get up.

"Wa..." Remus tried. "Do...go..."

Eric stopped and slowly turned around. "What?" He seemed shocked. "Evan...did you talk?" He raced back to Remus's side. "Speak again!"

"St...ay..." Remus choked out.

"P!" Eric shouted, joy in his voice. "P, Evan is talking!"

"Don't..." Remus was frantic, holding onto Eric's hand. If you leave, the being would take my soul. "Don't...leave...me..."

His body shook. Concern grew in Eric's eyes and he wrapped his arms around Remus.

"Calm down, bud." He whispered in Remus's ear. "I won't leave you. I'm right here."

P came rushing into the room. "He's talking?" She stopped and stared at them sitting in bed together. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know. He was hungry so I was going to make soup and then he told me not to go." Eric explained. "Now he's shaking."

"Evan?" P stared into Remus's eyes. "Are you okay?"

"It's....th...ere." Remus's throat burned. It hurt, but he didn't want to stop talking. He was finally out of his silence. Unfortunately, Haley's pills were coursing through his veins.

"What's there?" Eric asked.

"He's high as a kite." P's eyes never left Remus's. "What did you give him?"

"Nothing." Eric was defensive. "I swear, sis. I wasn't going to give him anything until he was fully healed."

"Go get my bag." P instructed. "I'll make him clean soon."

"No, I told him I wouldn't leave him." Eric pulled Remus closer.

Remus could feel the solidity of Eric's chest. He was warm and comforting. Feeling him made Remus feel safe.

"Brother, he might be close to overdosing." P whispered. "Go get my bag while I assess him further. Please."

Eric stared at Remus and frowned. "P, I can't..."

Remus closed his eyes. He wanted Eric to stay. He needed Eric to keep him safe. But he knew that the shadow would use the pills against him. It could easily force the drugs at a higher dosage; kill him with his own poison.

"It's okay," Remus muttered. "P won't..." He choked on his words.

"Eric, now!" P shouted.

Eric leaped for the door. P grabbed Remus and placed her fingers on his neck.

"Haley's been doing it, hasn't she?" She was angry. "I told her not to do this."

"It..."

"Don't talk." P whispered. "Just listen. I found that freaking note of yours. I know that you were planning to die. Just know, that won't happen. We all love you, Remus Evan Stone. You aren't going anywhere. I promise you that."

*

Remus was walking in no time. It was an awkward, shaky walk; but a walk no less. He wasn't stuck in his room anymore. The shadow had finally left him be.

His throat was sore and his voice was hoarse. A part of him feared that he may never talk normally again. But at least he was talking.

He came down hard from Haley's drugs. P had to get him through four days worth of withdrawal and Haley wasn't allowed near him.

P and Peter were fast asleep. Haley was passed out on the couch. Tonight was the first Remus would see outside their new home.

Eric said they were in the city and that it was the prime place to sell. Remus couldn't wait to feel the fresh air.

Eric was bundled in three jackets and a winter coat. His pants were thick for snow. It was January and freezing; he didn't plan on getting sick.

Remus wore a long sleeve shirt under a winter coat and basic jeans. He laced up black sneakers and then, they were off.

The frigid air stung Remus's face. His fingers ached for the gloves he had yet to put on.

"I missed Christmas." The thought entered Remus's mind. He didn't celebrate really or even believe in it. Remus just liked the idea of a day when people were a little nicer.

Eric placed his hand on Remus's shoulder. "There'll be plenty more." He grinned. "Now come on, it's time I introduce you to the new guys."

Remus took in the scenery. There were gray buildings surrounding them. The streets were covered in black slush instead of white snow.

The city looked nothing like the country he had come to know. It offered no beauty to him. What beauty he did find, was walking beside him.

Eric shivered beside Remus. His lips were already turning blue and he was breathing hard. They'd been outside for five minutes and Eric was already suffering.

Remus hated watching his friend suffer. He wished the worse possible pain to befall Eric's father. If only I could do something to that monster.

"You alright?" Eric's voice broke Remus's thoughts. "If you aren't feeling up for this, we can go back."

"I'm fine." Remus shook his head. "What about you? You're turning blue."

"Always happens." Eric shrugged. "But we can't stay out too long or I might actually get sick."

"How are these new guys?" Remus asked. "The last group sold you out. I heard 'em talking about Haley to the cops. I...I attacked them as soon as the cops left. I was trailed by cops and told them what happened. I don't know if they believed me, but they certainly didn't pull me in for more questions."

"Are you f*****g nuts?" Eric seemed shocked. "They could've killed you!" He then shook his head and began to laugh. "Oh s**t, that's why."

"What?" Remus stopped and studied Eric. "Why are you laughing?"

To Remus's surprise, Eric hugged him. "Thank you." He whispered. "Because of you getting the s**t beat outta you by them, the cops let me go. They didn't really have anything but those guys' word. So when they did that, I guess their credibility turned to s**t. Evan, you saved me." Eric didn't back away and so, the hug lingered.

Remus carefully placed his arms around Eric. He couldn't feel his body but he didn't care. It felt good to be holding the boy he loved so close.

"That's adorable." Marie studied them. "Tell him that you love him."

Love. What is love? Can I love him? No, I'm a boy and he's a boy. It's unnatural. It's not possible. He'd be disgusted. I'd be abandoned with no place to go. I can't love him in the way Marie suggests.

Eric backed away from Remus and resumed walking. Remus shook his head at his sister then followed Eric. They didn't talk for the rest of the walk.

About thirty minutes from the apartment, Remus, and Eric came upon a group of people. They were talking in hushed whispers until they saw Remus and Eric.

"Who's there?" An older boy called out. His voice was gruff, like a smoker's.

"It's me, D." Eric answered.

Remus studied the faces of three teenagers. The one Eric called D had a tattoo on his left cheek of a dragon. His eyes and hair were dark; nose pierced in the middle. He looked about nineteen to twenty. The guy to the left of him had blonde hair and green eyes. He had snakebites and red highlights in his hair. He looked maybe seventeen to eighteen. The third guy had brown eyes and blue hair. He had a lip piercing but no tattoo and looked about fifteen or sixteen.

"D, this is my associate, Evan." Eric introduced the two. "Evan this is D, Luke is his right-hand man and Kevin is Luke's little brother."

"Yeah." D interrupted them. "So kid, what you got?"

Remus pulled out his pills and handed them to D. D studied them and smiled. "Nice dosage." He popped the lid off."Let's see." D popped a few.

*

The boys sat in an alley, laughing. Each was enjoying a high of various pills.

D patted Remus on the back. "This is good shit." He announced. "What you think guys? These kids worth our time?"

"f**k yeah!" Kevin shouted.

"Ssssh." Luke silenced him. "But yeah, D, let's deal with 'em."

"Sweet." Remus smiled. It'd taken just an hour for him to become a partner. This was good. He'd be making money again and could help pay for stuff for P. He would no longer be a burden to the people that saved his life.

"What say you, Eric?" D asked "Uh...Eric?"

Remus glanced at Eric, who appeared fast asleep.

"Eric." Remus elbowed him. His eyes slowly opened. Remus took note that Eric's lips and cheeks were now completely blue. "You alright?"

"Yeah." Eric slowly stood. "Sorry guys, haven't been sleeping a lot. Too busy f*****g bitches."

D chuckled. "Bet you always got a bitch." He also stood. "I'll contact you when we need more supplies."

D, Luke, and Kevin left. Eric turned to Remus. "I need your help." He was out of breath. "Can I lean on you?"

Remus nodded and slid an arm around Eric. Eric placed his arm around Remus's shoulders. Together, they slowly began their walk home.

"He doesn't look good." Marie said, touching Eric's arm. "His heart's slowing down. There's barely any air going through his lungs."

Remus hated that she could see inside of people. She was the only spirit, that he knew of, that could do it.

"Eric." Remus shifted his left shoulder into Eric's armpit. "Hey man, your foot's slipping."

Eric muttered incoherently.

"Eric!" Remus shouted.

"Air." Eric breathed. "Dizzy. Need air."

Remus felt his cheeks grow hot. He knew what he had to do. "Okay." He stopped and faced Eric. He didn't want to put him down and risk not being able to get him back up, so he gently breathed into him while they stood.

Eric's lips were soft and inviting. For a moment, Remus had almost forgot what he was doing.

It didn't help much, but enough to get Eric home. They burst through the door, falling and gasping. Remus's lungs burned from breathing in the cold air.

"Where were you?" P flipped on the light. "Crap!"

“So, I'd made new partners, at the expense of Eric's health. We both knew that he shouldn't be out in the cold. But he knew that we needed to establish our business. He'd been telling them about me for months but said that I was having a hard time securing my last business with a new head. The cold didn't kill him that night, but he did become very ill."