Witchery

Chapter 11

Lena has crew-cut, brown, curly hair. Her skin is dark, her eyes too, looking directly at me with distanced interest. I notice she is pretty tall, standing in the doorway. She is wearing a formal attire, black pants, a white shirt and a black, cropped vest on top of it. Her lips are painted icy red, and a black liner is circling her eyes. Adriel takes my hand to get my attention. I look at him tentatively. 

“Are you sure you are okay with doing this?” He asks concerned. I only nod. I don’t know what to say. Half of me wants to run away screaming. The other half is determined to look my fear in the eyes. I get out of the car without further discussion, Adriel following suit. 

“Hi Lena, how are you?” He asks in his brightest voice. 

“I am good, thank you Adriel. Welcome to you, and especially welcome to you, Esme. Come on in, I have been waiting for you.” 

The thoughts of running away grow stronger the more I am nearing her, and Adriel feels the shift in me. He lets go of my hand, which he has been holding, and takes his arm around my waist instead, supporting me more with his presence. And pushing me towards the Witch. I calm my mind, trying not to let the panicking fear overwhelm me once again. 

“Esme, you know I feel your aura changing. You fear me. I understand.” Lena says. I am taken aback from her direct speaking. Unconsciously, I stop walking to draw a few breaths, before Adriel gently nudges me, having me move towards her house again. 

“Don’t worry,” he whispers, “I won’t leave you.” Again, I can only nod, speechless. But this is all wrong. The Warlock would always silence me. What if this Witch has done the same to me? but before I manage to panic over this new, nagging thought, I am all of a sudden facing her stretched out hand. I hesitantly take it, shaking it. Her hand is warm and soft, and I dare a look to her eyes. They show concern and warmth. Nothing scary. I shake my head, steading myself against Adriel. 

“Come on in.” Lena says again. 

“Thank you.” The words make it over my lips, and I feel the surprisement filling me up. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t steal your tongue.” She smiles. Can she read thoughts? I wonder.

Inside her small house, all the walls are painted yellow with white door frames. I instantly fall in love with all the house plants she has standing around, either on the floor, or on the windowsill. Her furniture, however, are very stylish and I guess they all come from an expensive brand. A subtle smell of coconut and greens from all her plants are filing through the air. The entrance leads to a small hallway with three doors and a comfortable armchair in velvet blue standing against the far wall. The first door is peaking open, showing a bit of a small, cozy kitchen. The second leads to a bathroom, I can tell from the small sticker on the door. We follow Lena through the last door, which leads to a small living room. She has me sitting down in the big, mauve coloured sofa standing in the middle of the room, its back turned towards the big windows facing her beautiful garden. Adriel sits down next to me, Lena takes the opposite armchair, which  is in the same colour as the sofa. In between us, she has a big coffee table, made from oak tree. In the corner of the room, across from the window and furthest away from the door we came from, a big desk is standing, paper filing up all over it. Somewhere, underneath all the paper, I spot a computer as well. On the wall next the door, paintings are hanging. They are all very abstract, showing shadowy figures in light pink, blue, and purple colours. Over the desk, artsy photographs are hanging, showing a woman sitting in a chair in her living room, however the room is filled with water. Or one where the same woman is facing a big, blue whale. I get completely lost in the photographs, until Lena coughs a bit to get my attention. She has placed a mug with a sweet, smelling content in front of me. 

“It is just tea, but the herbs are good for your health.” She explains when she sees my concerned expression. I slowly nod and guides the mug towards my mouth. Adriel has coffee but I see Lena is drinking the same as me. I take a small sip, feeling the taste of roses and lavender, ginger and lemon, blend and mix on my tongue. I like it and can’t help but letting a shy smile lift up the corners of my mouth. 

“As you might know, my name is Lena Bennet, I am the witch of this city. I also have a master’s degree in phycology, which leads me to believe I am the right person for you to be speaking to. Let me start by asking you why you want to come here today?” 

I take a moment to think, haven’t really expected this question. 

“I am here because I want to help Adriel’s pack.” I say a bit shyly. Adriel looks at me with a worried expression. 

“I hope that’s not your only reason, baby.” He says, frowning. 

“I am sure as well that you have other reasons to be here. But let’s start talking about you wish to help others.” Lena suggests. 

Again, I frown. This wasn’t what I had imagined. I had thought she would start digging around my past, maybe give me some exercises to help remember my it. Or use her magic on me. 

“Why is it so important for you to be able to help Adriel and his pack?” She asks me. This time she has me blush from the embarrassment of letting Adriel overhear this.

“He found me. I… I don’t want to be a burden to him. I want to be helpful. I… I feel like the only thing I have right now, is the fact that I can’t remember my own past. And I don’t just want to be that poor girl, who doesn’t know anything. I want to help.” I whisper. 

“You feel like your only trade is, that you can’t remember anything?” 

“Yes. And I want something different to define me as well.” 

“You do realise that having this need gives you more personality already, right?” 

I blush again. I hadn’t thought about it like that. 

“But I don’t know anything. I don’t even have a hobby, like Elise’s love for art. Or Ariana’s love for the gym and fashion. Or Adriel’s love for music.” I whisper. 

“No, but you have already formed some interests, when you became interested in helping Adriel’s pack. And I am sure you spend some time learning about your friend’s hobbies too, am I right?” Lena asks. 

“Well, yes. And I am maybe going shopping next week with Sera.” I say, just remembering the conversation which had me panicking earlier today. 

“You are what?” This is the first time Adriel is speaking after entering the therapist room. 

“Oh, I forgot to tell you. This was kind of the reason why I panicked earlier today.” 

“You can talk about her schedule later, young man, now we focus on her. If you can’t shot you mouth, you have to wait in the kitchen.” Lena sounds very firm and Adriel nods with a grinning expression on his face. “You had a panic attack earlier today. What happened?” 

Already feeling a tad more confident being in the same room as a witch, even talking to one, I start explaining how Sera had seemed so interested about going shopping with me. And how her excitement sparked life in my thoughts on how everyone around me probably only acted nice towards me because Adriel had told them to. And how Adriel would tire of me soon enough when he realised how shallow, empty, and worthless I in reality am. That I have nothing to offer. 

Adriel couldn’t help himself but react to my words which had Lena kick him out, sending him to the hallway. At first, I didn’t want to let go of Adriel’s hand, not wanting him to leave me. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right outside the door. I think this is for the best, you need to be able to open completely up to Lena. And you can’t do this with me right next to you. Don’t worry, I trust her with you.” He kisses my cheek and leaves the room. I stare at the door for some time after it closes, concentrating to see if I can feel him in the hallway. I realise, I can detect his scent through the coconut atmosphere. And somehow, I feel his aura too. I don’t know how, but I can feel it a bit like you feel someone’s stare at you without looking. 

“Esme, can you feel his aura right on the other side of the door?” Lena asks. I slowly take my gaze from the door, focusing on her dark brown eyes and nod. 

“This is one of your werewolf traits. These will unfold as you unfold yourself.” She tells me. 

“Will I ever be able to transform like the others?” Excitement is getting the better of me. 

“I believe you will, if you want to.” She answers. “But for now, let’s focus on unlocking your mind. I believe your memory loss is a mix between a spell and your own will to keep your memories away. Your dreams tell me you still have your memories stored somewhere in your consciousness. I think you are suppressing them, but sometimes they emerge in your consciousness anyways, taking form as dreams. Let us start talking about what has you feel so worthless.” 

She has me explaining what I combine with the word “worthless” with, and why I think it should describe me. Then she asks me how I would like to be described instead and guides me to figure out how I can turn my negative thoughts to something positive. She also tells me to start my own hobby, and suggests I start a physical activity, both because it is healthy for my body, but also for the mind, and because physical activity is very central for a werewolf. I all of a sudden remember my promise to myself in the hospital. 

“I actually thought I might start a dance class.” I admit, looking down. 

“That is a good idea. Dancing is very esthetic and expressive. And it is fun too. You could meet new people this way.” Lena’s words have me looking up again, almost smiling. 

“Have Adriel or Ariana help you find a beginner’s class. When I see you next week, I want to hear that you tried at least one dance style out. And I want to know how you have been treating yourself in your mind. I also want you to try to give yourself the permission of letting in your past before you lay down to sleep every night. This can be hard work and I don’t expect you to show up next week having dreamt about your memories every night. But you need to practice this.” 

She gives me some exercises to try out, like emptying my brain before nighttime, telling myself that dreaming is okay. She then lets Adriel back into the room. He immediately walks to me and picks me up, holding me tight in his warm arms. I let go, feeling completely safe in his embrace. 

“How did it go?” He asks Lena, still holding on to me. 

“Very well, after you left. I need to discuss some security matters with you concerning the city later, but I think it is important you go home now, it has been a long day for Esme, and she needs relaxing.” 

I feel a bit weird that they talk about me like I am a small child or not present in the room, but I don’t feel like arguing and guess that this is Lena’s general way of showing concern. 

Adriel agrees with her, offering to come back the next day to discuss. He also suggests bringing Lucas. He then carries me all the way to the entrance, only letting me down when both of us needs to put on our shoes and jackets. Walking closely beside me, he helps me all the way to the car opening the door for me and helping me in. 

Once he is behind the steering wheel again, and backing out of Lena’s driveway, he turns his head to me, asking me how it went.

“I… it went okay, I think.” I look down. 

“Listen, Esme, I really don’t want you to think all these things you said earlier, before I left. Didn’t I just tell you as late as today that I would never leave you? I don’t think you are worthless or bring nothing to the table. I know you don’t know a lot of you past, but the mere fact that you want to help me this way is such a big commitment and shows me you have so much to offer. I want you to focus on your own health. People who are ill shouldn’t have to focus on what they can bring their mate or their pack.”

I feel my eyes tearing up yet again. 

“And I never asked my mum or any of the other’s to be nice to you. Okay maybe I told Ariana to behave, but she seriously loves to hang out with you, Elise too. Why else would they come around for your birthday yesterday for example?” I laugh a bit with him and close my eyes, feeling almost content. 

“Baby, I am so sorry you ever had to suffer this bad, I… I didn’t even know how bad it was until today. And I will do anything in my power to help you. Anything.” Adriel continues. 

I think for a moment, before opening my eyes and turning my head to him. 

“Could you, maybe, you know, go somewhere outside this city, where it would be a bit more, you know, safe, to drive fast like you did earlier today?” I aks shyly. I see his slow smile is spreading across his face in the rearview mirror. 

“Of course I can, baby.” He says and makes a sudden turn to head out of the city.  

He takes me to a deserted road outside the city, the thin forest surrounding us. I can hear birds twitter outside, the light green leaves surrounding us. Adriel shuffles through his playlists on his phone for a moment, telling me it is very important to have the right track playing when driving fast. He finally settles on ‘Panic Station’ by Muse, the bass pumping out the speakers, I can actually feel the powerful rhythm hammering through my body. 

Adriel jams down the speeder, and I, once again, am jerked forward. Had it not been for my seatbelt, I would have gone through the window for sure. I feel the adrenaline kick in, as he maneuvers the turns on the road, racing through the forest. The trees pass me before I even get a clear look at them, and I can feel a slow smile cracking open my face. The speedometer shows somewhat 150 km/h and I know that this is on the border of him probably losing his driver’s license. But we meet no car, except one old, red box, that comes chugging towards us. I just manage to see the outraged look on the old lady’s face behind the steering wheel, before we are long gone. I am laughing out loud by now, Adriel too. 

“I told you, this is fun!” He excitedly exclaims.

I can’t help my self but screaming “Wuhu!”. Adriel opens up the windows, having the wind blowing in our faces, screaming the lyrics to the current song. And I promise myself to properly learn the lyrics to all his favorite songs, while my heart is running wild with the car.

The road turns out to be an old belt road around the city. About twenty minutes later, Adriel takes an exit road and we make it back to the city, still going way to fast, but this time I am not complaining. The exit road turns out to lead us to the residence area Sera lives in. Adriel breaks really hard, once he makes it inside the borders of the city. 

“We can’t go to fast in this area or my mum’s neighbors might tell on us.” He explains with a grin. 

“I have to show you my motorbike soon.” He continues. 

“Yes, and you have to show me your apartment.” 

“You are absolutely right, Love! But as much as I’d love to show you all these things, I really think it is important that you still take everything in doses. You only just came home from the hospital, and I don’t want to overexcite you, Sunday will just insist that you come back to stay in the hospital then.”

“Oh please, no thank you!” I say, laughing. 

“It reminds me, Lena told me to take care of my health, too. She told me, I should find some physical activity to indulge in.” 

“But don’t you think it’s a bit too early for that? You haven’t even finished the physiotherapeutic yet.” 

“She told me I had to try at least one class by next week when I have to go back to talk to her.” 

“Hmm… I guess she is never wrong. What kind of physical activity do you want to try out?” 

“I want to try out dancing.” My voice is shaking in excitement. 

“Okay sure! I think you should talk to Ari about that then.” 

He pulls the car up in Sera’s carport, and gets out, taking the box with my new phone with him. I follow suit, inhaling the fresh air which is mixed with the delicious smell of Sera’s lasagna. I hadn’t notice how hungry I was, until the smell reaches me and my stomach rumbles in discomfort. 

“It smells amazing, mum.” Adriel yells to the kitchen once we are inside, taking off our jackets and shoes. 

“Thank you, Adriel. Please come in, it is just ready.” 

She doesn’t have to ask us twice, we both hurry to the kitchen, where she has put up plates for the three of us. We sit down and she places a big, deviously smelling lasagna in front of us. 

“How was Lena’s?” Sera asks me, intrigued. 

“It was… Like going to a normal therapist, I guess.” I admit. 

“Yes, I told you, she studied phycology.” Nods Sera. 

“She gave me these exercises to calm down my mind when I panic. And she gave me some advice on how to… how to let in my dreams of my past memories.” I tell her. Sera nods, looking satisfied with my answer. 

“Did you attend to your garden today, then?” I ask, not really wanting to keep talking about my problems. 

“Yes, I did! The tulips are standing like never before.” Sera explains how she spent the entire afternoon in the garden, hatching the flowerbeds. She even talked to the neighbor over the hedge and went grocery shopping for the lasagna. She does, indeed, seem very satisfied. 

After helping Sera cleaning up dinner, Adriel helps me setting up my new phone. He adds himself, Sera, Lucas, Ariana, Elise and also Lena and the hospital as contacts and suggests I call Ariana to ask about dance studio immediately. 

I Face-time her, and she picks up at once. 

“Hey Luna, how are you?” Luna has been my nickname ever since she got used to call me that. 

“I am good, how about you?” I ask politely. 

“Haha I am great, thanks girl. Just went to the gym. I tried to force Elise with me, but she had ‘other matters to attend to’” The last part of the sentence Ari imitates Elise’s voice. I laugh. 

“I actually wanted to ask you, do you know any dance studio where you can take beginners classes?” 

“Dance classes? Are you starting dance classes already?” 

“Yes, I visited Lena today, she told me I should find some physical activity as soon as possible. And, well, I always thought dancing looked like fun.”

“Okay, I see. You have to tell me what else Lena said. But yeah, there’s a dance studio just across from me and Elise’s apartment. They have different beginners’ classes every day. I would recommend you started out with either ballet or modern dance, just because it will teach you the basics you need for any dance style. Let me just check their schedule, two seconds.” I can hear her tapping on her computer, and a few seconds after, she says: “Yes, tomorrow they actually have an beginners’ ballet class. I can accompany you there, it is such a long time since I last did any ballet. Actually, did any sort of dancing that wasn’t in a club.” She laughs. 

“Yes, thank you Ariana!” 

“Alright, it is at 7pm, I guess Adriel can drive you here? Then you can also see my apartment. Maybe we could even have dinner at my place before going!” 

Adriel, sitting right beside me, is listening to the entire conversation. He takes a moment to think, before approving of the idea. 

“Sure, I’ll drive her to you, and pick her up at the studio, once the class is over. I think it is best for her to sleep here for now.” He hastily adds, when he sees Ari opening her mouth. She closes it again, nodding. 

“Sure thing, sounds lovely! Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Then you can also tell me what happened at Lena’s.” Ari says before waving and ending the conversation. 

“That was nice.” I say, smiling. I feel a lot better, but very tired. It has been a long day for me, and I fight back a yawn. Adriel chuckles at me and kisses my cheek.

“I think someone needs to head to her bed soon.” 

I look at the time on my phone. It is almost nine in the afternoon and I nod my agreement. 

Adriel agrees to move the madras from Ari’s bed to my room. The bed I am sleeping on is a bit too small for both of us to sleep there, and he admits that it is hard for him to keep his hands away from me when we are spooning like that. 

“I want you to take all the time you need with this.” He adds before heading to Ari’s room to get the madras. I sit back, blushing uncontrollably. I still don’t know how I feel about the whole mating scheme. Whenever we are kissing, I feel my wolf’s desire overpower me, but as soon as we are not that close, the thought of having s*x still makes me shake a bit in an uncomfortable way. 

When Adriel comes back in, I am already lying down in my bed, eyes closed. He kisses my mouth, and I open my eyes in surprisement, before leaning into the kiss. His lips a sweet and soft on mine, not too pushy, and he only touches my cheek with one of his hands, using the other to support his weight on the bed. 

“Baby, I am so proud of you. The fact that you made it through today shows me, you have so much to offer. That you are brave and can be brave on your own. And that you are determined to not let your traumas define you.” Adriel whispers. I can only stare into his warm, emerald eyes, feeling my own watering by his words. Moon Goddess, I cry way too much these days.  

“Sleep tight, my Luna.” He whispers in my ear. Then he kisses my cheek, before laying down on the madras next to my bed. 

“You too. And, Adriel, thank you for those words.” I whisper back in the darkness. His hand finds mine, and, feeling him so near like this, I finally close my eyes again, telling myself, that it is okay for me to let in my memories. Over and over again.