Witchery

Chapter 16

“It would seem that you have two memory locks on your brain.” 

Lena is staring intensely into my eyes, her brown gaze holding mine. 

Yesterday, Adriel had taken me to the hospital, pulling Sunday from her schedule, insisting she checked me over. After having run a few tests however, she told us she couldn’t find anything unusual that should’ve caused my faint. She had then explained that fainting is the body’s last way to manage survival, and therefore it could also be caused by a very serious emotional effort, like a very strong memory of something unpleasant.

The last thing I remember, though, is walking down the streets towards my childhood home. 

“Two locks?” I ask, confused. 

“Yes, it would seem that the Warlock has locked your memories two times, first time five years ago, last time a little over a month ago.” 

“Can you remove them?” I ask tentatively. 

“No, but I can help you to remove them yourself.” 

“Myself?” 

I look at her, scared. How would I be able to remove them myself? I am not a witch. 

“Yes Esme, I believe you are the one holding the locks there. You possess the key yourself to unlock your memories, else they wouldn’t show up to you in dreams.”

I must be looking as confused as I fell, because Lena sights and lean in over the table. 

“Listen Esme, sometimes, when you are hurt very badly, the mind will suppress the memories in order to survive. Now, you also have a magical lock on yours, which is why you can’t remember anything but the last month. I am going to tell you something now that Mr. White probably should’ve told you a long time ago.”

“What is that?” 

“We found your mother’s corpse the morning after she was killed. It took Adriel two weeks to track her murder to the apartment where he found you. The second lock was put right after your mother was killed.” 

I stare at her in utter shock and disbelief. All of a sudden, I can’t control my body, it starts shaking and my eyes are tearing up. 

“I know this is hard to hear, Esme, I know. But I thought you had the right to know. Mr. White has been disagreeing, afraid of what it would do to you. But I think it is an important step in your rehabilitation.” 

I can’t answer her. The words are stuck in my throat, which feels all hoarse like sandpaper. How could Adriel do this to me? Keep this kind of information from me. How dare he? 

I struggle for a bit more time, before finally finding my voice. Lena is patiently waiting for me to calm down, before leaning forward. 

“It is important that you put words to your feelings, Esme. I can tell you are struggling with all these emotions. You need to be able to control them fully to be able to break the locks. And the clock is ticking. You breaking the locks will be what we need to catch this warlock. I don’t want to put pressure on you, but I want you to understand the importance of retriving your memories. Now, take a deep breath while counting to ten in your head. When you have finished counting, tell me what you think about.”

I inhale a lot of air, slowly breathing it out while counting to ten. Already after the count of three, I feel better, and I start focusing on what to tell Lena. What am I feeling? Betrayal is the first word that pops into my head. 

“I feel betrayed by Adriel. He really hurts me when he doesn’t let me into the process and keep information from me.” 

I frown for a second, thinking. 

“But I also realise that I never really asked him how he found me. So maybe some of this is actually my own fault.”

“But he also actively chose to keep you in the dark. I don’t want to throw mud here, but it is important that you don’t blame yourself for something you don’t have any control over. If you constantly blame yourself it is like you hit yourself in the head all the time, and this is counter constructive for your rehabilitation. Now let us talk about why you feel this betrayed and hurt when he chose to not tell you this information.” 

A second goes by, before I finally say, 

“It has something to do with my desire to feel helpful. To feel like he needs me just as much as I need him. if he treats me like a child, he doesn’t need me. And if he doesn’t need me, he could throw me out any second. Especially when we… still haven’t mated.” Blood is rushing to my cheeks and I look down, avoiding Lena’s piercing eyes.  

“I think you will find that Mr. White needs you very much. You two are the perfect pair. He is restless, never thinks too much before doing, while you are more calculated, cautious, and thoughtful. You have excellent people skills, I can tell. And Mr. White is going to need all of these things sooner or later. The warlock threat is growing every day. I can feel the shift in the magic. I, too, need your help, Esme. We all need you. You will see soon enough.” 

Her words have a strange ring to them, like there is something she knows about me that I don’t. But I take the encouragement, looking up again. 

“Thank you, Lena.” I whisper.  She nods in reply. 

“You need to sort your feelings, Esme. You need to control them by putting them into words. By meditating, like I just showed you.”

I nod, showing her, I understand what she is saying. 

“Now tell me, how did your dream work go this last week?” 

I tell her about my last dream, and she tells me to be more conscious about my dreams in general. She suggests I start keeping a dream journal where I am to write down all my dreams doing the week. I also need to ask the question “Am I dreaming this?” Throughout the day. This will lead me to be more conscious while dreaming in my sleep. And if I am conscious, while I am dreaming, I may be able to call on my memories myself. Lastly, she tells me to keep up my good work on telling myself it is okay to dream every night, before going to bed. 

She also encourage me to continue my danceclasses, especially ballet since it will give me a lot of control over my body. 

“Yoga could also do wonders for your control.” 

In the end of the session, I feel overwhelmed by all her information and encouragement and decide to tell her. 

“It is really good you are telling me this, Esme. That is already a bit of practice in controlling your emotions. I’ll try to keep it simpler next week.” She promises me before walking me out of the room where Adriel is waiting, playing some game on his phone. 

As soon as I see him, emotions well up again, but I count in my head and try to sort the different emotions out, getting ready to tell him exactly how I feel, as soon as we get in the car. 

We bid Lena goodbye, before walking to his car. 

“How did it go, baby? What did she say?” 

I take another big breath, before answering. 

“She said I have two locks on my memory placed there by magic. She explained that the first one was put there five years ago. And the second, about a month ago. Which match with what I can remember. And with when you found the corpse of my mother.” 

My arms are crossed as I turn to him, but I manage to keep my voice simple, not showing him my anger. 

He slightly widens his eyes, before sighing. 

“Listen baby, I get if you are upset with me. Lena and I have been discussing whether you should know this or not. But finding your mother lead us to you. I was just so afraid of how you would react.” 

“I am not a baby, Adriel.” Using the very same word he always calls me, which I usually love, but not right now. 

“I am a grown person. And I don’t think this is the first time I tell you that I want to be a part of everything. I want to learn and understand what is going on. I know, you think I am fragile, but if you keep information like this from me, you will keep me fragile. I won’t be able to grow.” 

“I know Esme, I just want to protect you. Just for a little longer. You don’t need this cruel world right now, you need safety.” 

“But how do you know what I need, Adriel? Did you ever think to ask me?” 

“No I didn’t, but I don’t need to. You just fainted yesterday. You had a panic attack only a week ago. There is a psycho out there looking for you.” 

“What even makes you so sure that he is still looking for me?” I yell, no longer able to contain my voice.

“Because we have spotted suspicious men watching my building as well as Ariana’s. They still haven’t figured out where you are, though.” He whispers.

I look at him in pure shock.

“Wh-what?” I stammer. 

“I am trying to protect you, Esme, how many times do you want me to say this?” Adriel repeats, giving an exaggerated sigh, staring straight ahead, his eyes insisting on not meeting mine. 

My anger leaves me immediately replaced by a creeping fear. All of a sudden, I just want to crawl into his big arms. I want his protection. 

“I am sorry, Adriel.” I whisper, “but you should’ve told me this too.” 

“I know baby, but I can tell you are frightened now. I don’t want you to be scared.” He turns his head to me, his right hand leaving the steering wheel to caress my thigh. His touch has me relaxing a bit. 

“I rather want to know and be scared, than I want to not know and then something happens all of a sudden and then I am not even prepared for it.” 

“Nothing will happen to you, I’ll keep you safe. I promise babe.” 

We roll up to the house and he turns off the car, before looking fully at me, taking both my hands in his. 

“Baby, please believe me. Nothing will come past me to you, okay? You just need to do what I tell you to, then you’ll always be safe.”

“But I don’t just always want to be safe, Adriel. I want to experience life.” 

“You can and you will, as soon as I’ve caught this bastard we will do whatever you want to. But until then, I need you to stay put. You are already helping me a lot by going to Lena to figure out your memories. I want you to concentrate on that. Speaking off,” he says before I get to keep discussing the matter, “I wanted to show you the newspaper article about you and your family. And I had Mayor Smith sending me a picture of you and your family as well. Do you want to join me inside to look at it?” 

“Okay.” My voice sounds unsure, but I nod and make an attempt to get out of the car. However, Adriel is still holding my hands, and he gently pulls me back, kissing me passionately on my mouth. 

I gasp from our sudden interaction. We haven’t really kissed ever since yesterday morning, and I realise I have missed his lips like nothing else. I lean on his big chest, feelings his muscles underneath. He caresses my back, then my hair, then my thighs. His hand brushes my breasts, before touching my neck, soon my cheeks, my ears. 

When we finally make it inside, my cheeks are flushed and I am out of breath. I take an extra second to calm down in the entrance, before following Adriel to the living room where Sera is reading. 

He hands me the article. It isn’t very long, and it contains no picture, just our names. It says, the police is still investigating what happened to the roof of our house, which tragically crushed me and my parents to death. I stare at it for some time, feeling my anger reemerge. 

“Mayor Smith has got to be the worst Alpha in history.” Letting go of the paper, I turn to Adriel, who has just found the picture of me and my family on his phone. 

“Yes, he really didn’t handle the situation very well. But you don’t belong to them anymore. You aren’t even marked by them. So don’t worry.” 

I nod, noticing how I easily can let go of the anger again, after mentioning it to Adriel. 

He shows me his phone, a picture of three people smiling at the camera on the screen. Tentatively, I take the phone from him, looking at the pictures as I though I was spell bound. 

I easily recognise myself although I look a bit younger, but not as much as I maybe should’ve, had I had a normal growth. I do, however, look a lot happier. The next face my eyes wander to, is my mum’s. She definelty looks just like in my dreams. An older version of me, really, but with more curves and a healthy-looking skin. I notice that even though her mouth is smiling, her eyes look dead. Like something is missing. 

The last person in the picture, I do not recognise. He is tall, handsome, with dark as the night hair and dark eyes. His eyes especially captivate me, I can’t help but staring. 

“Do you recognise your father?” Adriel asks hesitantly, and I shake my head. 

“Hmm, that is peculiar, I thought you might would’ve.” He frowns, then shrugs, taking his phone back from me. 

“Yeah, I thought so too, but maybe it is only in my dreams?” I suggest. 

“Maybe so. What did Lena else talk to you about?” He asks, and I start explaining what else we talked about. 

We both help Sera cook dinner, spaghetti Bolognese, and over dinner, we discuss our shopping plans for the next day. We – or Adriel – decide that it is best we go to one of the malls, because we can stay at the same address the whole time. I then ask if Tinka may join us. Her and I have been discussing it over text, and she would love to come. 

“No honey, she can’t come. Then I have to ask Ari to join you as well for extra safety, and she hasn’t been taking care of her pack duties lately. Honestly, I am a bit worried about her, I don’t want to worry unnecessarily about you as well.” 

“But Adriel, you let us go have coffee together just this Saturday. How can shopping together a normal Tuesday be so different?”

I am frowning again, really fighting my urge to yell. 

“That… that was different.” 

“How Adriel?” I cross my arms, looking him straight in the eyes. 

“I would like to know that too, actually, my son.” Joins Sera, a weird smile on her face. 

“Okay fine. But you won’t like it. I was following you the entire day.” He admits. 

“What? How? I didn’t see you at all. How could you do that to me? I thought you trusted me.” Now I am yelling, despite my try of containment. 

“I changed into my wolf. And it is not you, I don’t trust. It is everyone else. I thought you understood that by now.” Adriel is looking fierce and has crossed his arms, not letting me react this way. I can feel his aura expanding, and it kind of has me shaking. Before it gets to me completely though, I kick away from the table so quickly, the chair falls behind me, but I don’t stop to put it back up, I just run to the stairs, smacking the door to my room. 

Resentful thoughts run through me, one of them yelling how much of a d**k he is, another pointing out that I haven’t even seen him in his wolf form yet.