Vows Box Set

Chapter 4: Coping…Or Not-2

Sam sat at his desk staring at the key laying in the middle of his calendar. It was a spare key to Henry’s office, according to the note on which it had been placed. He hoped it hadn’t been left there as a hint for him to clean out the room.

The all-but-dissertation PhD student that had stepped in to take over teaching his intro class the past week peered in and tapped lightly on the door jamb of his office.

“Come on in, Madison.” He sat back in the chair and waved her inside.

“Sorry, I’m a little early.”

“No problem, I’m ready.” She’d been fantastic, stepping in with no notice and nothing but a week’s worth of emailed lesson plans and PowerPoint presentations to go on. “You sure you’re okay with taking on the rest of this semester?”

“Absolutely. It’s great for my CV anyway, and I’m willing to do anything I can to help you out right now, Dr. Miller-Greene. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Sam bit his tongue. He wanted to scream every time he heard that because it had been only one week, and they hadn’t given up searching for survivors yet.

But everyone he spoke to automatically assumed that everybody on that plane was dead. Everyone but him. Rationally he knew that should tell him something, but he couldn’t face that possibility. Not yet. So he said what he always did.

“Thank you, I appreciate it.”

He slid a USB thumb drive across the desk toward Madison. “This has my lesson plans, notes, and PowerPoint presentations covering the entire semester. I also have files with the tests and quizzes I use in there.”

She picked it up. “Thanks. The stuff in your email really helped me out last week.”

Sam nodded. “We could hardly expect you to come up with it all on your own with zero notice like that. Especially with a condensed summer class. But you don’t have to stick exactly to what I’ve got here if you don’t want. As long as you cover the required materials you can present it however you want. Feel free to modify any of it.”

“Great, thank you. Yeah, I’ve got lots of ideas for examples I’d like to give.”

“Go for it. It’s your class now, make it your own.”

She thanked him again and went on her way. Everybody seemed to be doing that. Going about their lives as if the bottom hadn’t just dropped out of the world. He supposed it hadn’t, except for the hundreds of families whose loved ones were on that plane. It was hard, watching life go on, business as usual all around him.

When he’d arrived, he’d noticed a young woman in a suit sitting in the reception area reviewing a CV lying atop a file in her lap. The department receptionist had greeted him and made a point of escorting him back toward his office, ostensibly offering condolences, of which he didn’t doubt the sincerity, but in reality he knew she’d been making sure he was steered clear of the woman who appeared to be an interviewee, when he knew for a fact they hadn’t had any open positions.

He looked again at the key that had been left on his desk. Dr. Bill Granger had a department to run here. He had a class schedule for the fall semester that was already published. Students were already pre-registering for the classes, including Henry’s classes. The department chair didn’t have the luxury of being able to respectfully wait around until Sam was ready to see the world move on. Intellectually he knew all this. It didn’t make it any easier, though.

Of course they could simply divvy up Henry’s classes amongst the remaining department staff for a semester or two. It would be a strain, but doable. But if Bill had a lead on a qualified replacement, he’d be a fool not to reach out to her so as not to risk losing her to another institution.

So yeah, the f*****g key was a hint. He took a deep breath and picked it up. He walked down the hall to Henry’s office, put the key in the door and pushed it open, then closed the door behind him.

There was a photo on the credenza of Henry and Sam vacationing together in Colorado. Henry’s smiling face beamed at him from the two-dimensional surface. Next to it stood one of their wedding photos, and an array of candid shots including all of Sam’s family. Henry had come to consider them his family as well. He lived life to the fullest, and he brought Sam along for the heady ride. He couldn’t be gone. He just couldn’t.

Sam sniffed and fought back the threatening tears as he turned to the bookcases. Henry’s books and the keepsakes he’d picked up during various research trips and the vacations they’d taken together lined the shelves. These things were important to Henry. Sam didn’t want anyone else coming in here and touching them, packing them away for him.

So he’d take the f*****g hint and pick up some boxes. He’d pack up Henry’s belongings this week and store them in their office at home. Even if Henry was truly gone, Sam knew he’d never be able to destroy or give away his husband’s life’s work and memories. As long as Sam was alive, he’d safeguard Henry’s more treasured possessions.