Don Vidal

35 - Did I leave it too long?

Marnie

It’s four days before I’m allowed home, and I am so glad to be back in my own home. It’s funny how I can say that now without feeling like I’m doing something wrong. I’m comfortable here, but I was a little worried that it wouldn’t feel like home anymore after what happened, but it does; nothing is ruined.

I haven’t been able to speak to Draven about my secret yet. Oh, I have tried more than once, but he cuts me off and says he has places to be. We can talk soon, he says. But soon is not soon enough. I feel sick with worry!

Draven told me we wouldn’t be attending Tony and Amy’s wedding because he wanted me to rest. I honestly felt crushed; I’d been looking forward to it for weeks. I was honest with Draven and told him that I wanted to go and that he needed to be there for Tony. I promised not to overdo it, and Draven finally caved.

I’m really excited about the whole thing, and I’m grateful that I don’t have to let Amy down. She’s become a good friend to me, and I would have hated to miss out on the biggest day of her life.

“I want you to rest,” Draven tells me as soon as I finish the chicken soup he made for me. It was delicious! I could get used to being pampered like this.

“I really want to take a bath.” He kisses me gently and leaves the room. I chuckle to myself because I can hear the bathtub filling in our bathroom.

Not five minutes later, he’s lifting me off the bed like an invalid and taking me to the bathroom. He stands me on my feet, and the steam from the water fills my lungs. I always did love that feeling.

“Draven, I can undress myself.” Since Draven brought me home, he literally will not let me do anything for myself. Toilet, bathing, cooking, changing. Nothing. He literally carries me everywhere. This is going to get old fast!

Draven says nothing as he continues to undress me, and once I’m naked in front of him, he lifts me in his arms, lowers me into the tub, and proceeds to bathe me like a child.

Once he’s done washing my body and hair like he worships me, Draven lifts me out of the bath, soaking his suit, and carries me to the bedroom. He dries and dresses me before gently combing and blow-drying my hair.

Once he’s tucked me into bed, I watch him change his wet suit for a dry one. Royal blue with a black collared shirt and silver tie. God, he’s handsome. I can’t believe he’s going to be my husband.

How did I get so lucky?

I never believed I could be this lucky.

The one thing that could make this scene perfect is the one thing I will never get back if Draven kills my brother. Peter is the only link I have left now that my father is gone. Without him, I will never be able to make my family complete. The only reason Peter is still alive is the fact Draven had other things to deal with, and he didn’t want to leave me alone this whole time, so he had others sit with me when he couldn’t, which was most of the time.

I’m trying to find the courage to blurt out my secret, but I’m scared. I don’t know how he’ll react. I have stupidly kept this from my husband-to-be when I never should have. But I was so afraid of what would happen. I’m a damn coward, but I’m scared to tell him because I don’t want him to be angry that I kept it from him. But my heart is in bits over it all. I feel like the worst kind of coward and a failure all at the same time. A failure is precisely what I am.

As I watch Draven splashing on aftershave, fastening his cufflinks, combing back his black hair, and then slotting his gun – which scares the hell out of me – into the holster at his side under his jacket, I know I have to say something, because I know tonight is the night he’s going to finally sort Peter.

Brooke told me how Peter showed up the night I was rushed into the hospital, how he admitted what he’d done to me, and how Draven’s men dragged him away. She told me how Draven told her in no uncertain terms that Peter would not leave wherever they had him locked up alive.

How horrible is that?

My older brother is locked up somewhere, having God only knows what done to him, waiting to die, and I’m not even bothered that he will. I am bothered that I can’t get to him first. I only want to get to him because I need information from him. It’s going to kill me if I never get it.

Maybe if I told Draven, right now, the secret I hide from the world, he’d take pity on me and make Peter tell him what I need to know before doing what I can’t talk him out of. As angry as he’ll be with me for not telling him sooner, I know he won’t let me go another day without knowing. He’ll move heaven and earth to find them and bring them home to me. That much I do know without any doubt.

“Draven?” I swallow hard.

How am I going to get him to listen to me?

Start with family.

Family is everything to him, right?

“What is it, il mio amore?” I love it when he calls me my love. But it gives me the wrong idea about him loving me when I know he doesn’t.

“Do you really have to do this? I mean, killing my brother?”

How wrong does that sound?

I’m talking to him about killing another person, one who shares my blood, like it’s something we talk about every day. It isn’t.

I should be scared of a man who kills.

I mean, cold-blooded murder?

I like to think he kills only those who deserve it, and as bad as that sounds, some people really deserve it.

“Marnie, that bastard almost killed you. He wanted our baby dead! He was going to drag you back to that piece of shi.t motherfucke.r, who would have done God only knows what to you, and God knows how long it would have been before I found you!”

“I know!” I yell, just to stop him getting angrier. “I know,” I say more calmly, but as I do, my heart sinks. Nothing I say to him now will change his mind about this. He will kill my brother, and I know I will never see them again, and my heart is beyond broken.

How am I supposed to let go?

It feels like I’m drowning with no hope of breaking the surface.

Draven takes my face in his hands and sits beside me, facing me. “I know this is hard for you. He’s still your brother, no matter what he’s done,” My eyes scan his face, his dark eyes. He really has no idea what this is doing to me, and not for the reasons he believes. “But it’s time you learned to cut the dead weight out of your life. I will not let him go. God only knows what he’d do to you next time if I did. I have to keep you and the baby safe, Marnie.”

This baby means everything to him, and that’s exactly what I wanted for my child, to have a father who would love it more than anything and anyone.

But at what cost?

“I know.” I try to plaster on the smile so he doesn’t know something is wrong. Even if he does, he’ll just think it’s because of Peter.

With one final kiss to my lips, Draven leaves me alone for the first time since this whole thing happened. But not before telling me not to do anything until he comes home. There are fifteen men outside, and no one will get past them this time. Three hours max, he said. I won’t hold my breath, and I’ll be asleep before he gets home. As sad as I feel, I’m usually asleep early these days.

I wipe the tears from my eyes.

What good will crying do me now?

So, Peter’s gone, I’ll just have to pluck up the courage to talk to Draven about my big secret. Even with Peter gone, hope is not lost. If anyone can find lost information that has been hidden from the world, it’s Draven. Nothing is ever as bad or as hopeless as it seems. Well, that’s what Brooke tells me, anyway.

Yes, I have to keep my spirits up. All is not lost.

“Everything will be okay, baby,” I tell my unborn child while stroking my stomach. “We’ll all be together soon, Mommy promises.”