The Song Of The Swallows

2

To pick up each piece,

And to learn to stand taller,

When your heart bleeds,

What a power.

~~~

He is still outside.

Why?

Why won't he go away?

The rain falls down from heavy black clouds soaking him through. His black hair is almost a like a pool of oil, fat drops of water slivering down tanned cheeks. His phone is to his ear, he paces by the front door. I watch him from one of the many windows in this huge haunted house. He sometimes blinks up to my window and stares at me with those eyes, and that furrowed frown. Lightening bursts from the sky, thunder echoing in the rooms.

Why is he still here?

The shrill sound of the house phone rings out loudly. I imagine the dust on the old wooden furniture jumping up in surprise. I push myself from the window and stare at the phone for a few seconds before picking it up.

"Willow?" A voice asks loudly in my ear.

Who else would it be?

"Here," I mutter.

"It's Aunt Ronnie." She tells me. I nod and stare into the distance. I've not spoke to her for months, not since that day. When everything changed and I found out life was actually the most loneliest thing to live.

"Hi."

"You need to let Rev in. He's outside, it's raining and he's not happy." She sighs. I don't answer because I don't know what to say, even though I have a thousand questions like;

Why have you flew half way across the world and left me in this house?

Why don't you call me?

Are you as lonely as me?

"Let him in Willow." She snaps on the phone.

"He says he spoke to mum..." I reply meekly. Ronnie sighs again. I imagine her brown hair in a tight bun, her eyes light blue, covered in perfect mascara, heeled shoes tapping with impatience.

"It was a mistake Willow. He's renting out one of the rooms. It's not healthy, you being cooped up in that house all alone. He'll help you with your next exams, and a house keeper. I put an ad in the paper for you." Her words are clipped, rushed.

"I don't need a house keeper, or a tutor. I'm doing lessons online and I clean the house myself." Lies. The house was a mess, dust covered every surface, the rooms shut and locked. I didn't want to look at this huge royal building but I couldn't leave the memories, they were all I had left.

"I'll be honest with you Willow. We don't have a choice. You can't live by yourself, you haven't been to school, the neighbours haven't seen you. A social worker rang me. If I don't sort something out, they'll expect me to come back and look after you."

Well we can't have that now, can we. That would mean her actually caring about something other than work.

"But I'm seventeen." I mumble and pick at the dirt on my dressing gown. I want her to put down the phone. I want that man to go away.

"It doesn't matter. Let him in. I need to go back to work."

"Aunt Ronnie..." I say quickly, "Do you..." It's hard to get the words out, "Are you lonely?" I whisper. Silence for a moment.

"I need to go. I'll ring you tomorrow." The phone goes blank. Silence again. The tick of the clock, the patter of rain. I turn my gaze out the window and stare at the man.

Let him in Willow.

I don't want him here. I don't want anyone in this house. I pad back to the front door. I know my hands tremble as I turn down the handle. My head buzzes in pain.

Why can't I just go back to the kitchen table and lose myself in memories again?

He looks up at me. I lower my head, so I can't see those eyes. So he can't see my face.

"You spoke to my Aunt, not my mum." I mumble and walk away quickly. Leaving the door open for him. I can escape in this house. I hurry up the stairs, four sets of thirteen. To the top floor. I've not been here in a month and my footsteps leave a path in the dust. I close my eyes, breath in the musty smell. It may be my imagination but I swear I can still smell the sweet perfume that always echoed from Lilly. And there is her room, blinking at me, a hot pink door filled with stickers and posters. I watch it for awhile. I pretend Lilly is in there, I pretend so hard that I swear I hear her music. Her laughter and voice drifting around me. I close my eyes and she's grabbing my hands, swinging me about in her dance. Lilly would always tell me to stop growing up, grow down. I did, when she was around I was ten again, jumping in the garden, climbing trees, making pud pies. Mum and Dad loved it.

We were so happy.

We were so whole.

Why?

I want to drift back down stairs. Lose myself from reality. But he's down there, clattering in my house. The noise is so new to me, I feel like standing with my fingers in my ears so that all I can hear is the thump of my heart and my breaths swirling in my ears.