Patience in Relationship

Being Patient with Your Partner

1.Consider your partner’s feelings. If you are patient and kind with your partner, they will feel loved and adored. If you are impatient and intolerant, your partner is likely to feel rejected by you. Your actions and reactions can have a direct effect on how your partner feels, so think about this when you’re feeling impatient or frustrated. Remember that you care about your partner deeply and don’t want to hurt them. For example, if your partner forgets to stop and buy milk, saying “That’s okay, we’ll just get it later,” shows that you understand it was a simple mistake. If you instead say something like “I can’t believe you did this again. You always forget everything,” you are implying that your partner is flawed and that their mistakes are unacceptable. Remember, a little mistake like this isn’t the end of the world.2.  Buffer your responses. It’s normal to turn immediately to an impatient response; many people assume that mistakes or inconveniences are the results of other people’s incompetence and carelessness. This is a pretty bleak outlook to have on those around you, though and may lead you to say hurtful things before you even realize it. A great way to break this habit is to use a buffer to force yourself to think before responding. For example, you could make it a personal rule that when something frustrating happens, you take three deep breaths before you say anything at all. This will give you time to process the situation and respond appropriately. You’ll probably realize that what you thought was a huge mistake actually isn’t that big of a deal, and you can downgrade your response from angry to understanding.In a more serious situation, you could leave the room or go for a walk. This will allow you time to cool down and think about your reaction.3. Have realistic expectations. Patience will come along with understanding, and one of the most important things to understand about your partner is that they’re not perfect. They can’t be! When you set unrealistic expectations for your partner or decide that things absolutely must go a certain way, you will inevitably be disappointed. This disappointment will lead to impatience and frustration in the relationship. You can avoid this by simply having reasonable expectations for your partner. An example of an unreasonable expectation might be thinking that your partner should be home at exactly 5:30 every day, even though they have a 25-minute commute and work until 5:00. This leaves little to no time to account for things like walking to the car, or changes in traffic, and ultimately sets your partner up to fail. Try instead to hold a more reasonable expectation, like expecting your partner to let you know if they get held up or will be late getting home for some reason. Another example: expecting your significant other to always want to watch the same shows as you. Instead, you could expect that they allow you to choose some of the time, and you allow them to choose other times. Compromise and understanding are the keys in any relationship.

4. Look at your partner as a whole. Remember that no relationship will ever be perfect. There will inevitably be points of tension between you and your partner from time to time, and that’s okay. Instead of letting this tension define your relationship during those times, always keep in mind the things you love about your partner. When you see your partner as a whole, it is easier to be patient through stressful times.

For example, if your partner does something that really annoys you, like tapping their foot, do not let that pet peeve take precedence over all of the good qualities that you love in your partner. You might also notice that some expressions your significant other uses often seem repetitive to you. Keep in mind that you are likely around them more than anyone else and that you hear their stories and phrases more, too. Remember that these things are part of the whole person that you fell in love with, and aren’t such a big deal in the long run. Most importantly be patient with yourself. 5. Give it time. Learning to be patient takes--wait for it--patience. If you are easily frustrated, that isn’t likely to change overnight, and being hard on yourself will only add to your frustration. Instead, recognize that you are working toward being more patient and forgive yourself for any mistakes that you make along the way. If you’re putting in sincere effort, you deserve to be given a break once in a while, especially from yourself.[5]For example, if you get frustrated sitting in traffic, recognize that you are frustrated and try to calm down. Take some deep breaths, then let it go. There is no need to be frustrated about being frustrated.  Remind yourself that patience will pay off. Because it will! Being patient benefits you in many ways. First, it helps keep your relationships more loving and respectful and allows you to be calmer and more at peace in general. When you start to feel frustrated, keep in mind that responding with patience will help you live a more satisfying life. You’re in this for the long haul, so don’t get distracted by minor frustrations along the way.