The Revenge of a Broken Soul

Chapter 9

RIKA RAE BELFANTE POV

I went back to the villa when I felt the urge to eat. Kung hindi pa ako nagugutom ay hindi pa rin ako babalik dahil ayoko ring makita si Lucas at ang babaeng anaconda na kasama niya kaninang umaga. I saw the girls in the pool and nag iihaw naman ang mga boys, I didn't saw Lucas though. I can't really understand myself kung bakit puro na lang si Lucas ang naiisip ko samantalang dapat ay nag momove on ako from what Jake did to me. Hindi ko na rin naiintindihan ang sarili ko.

I don't know kung nasaan na sila and wala din akong balak alamin yon. I called the restaurant inside the resort para magpadeliver ng makakain. I just wanted to be alone right now.

Pagkatapos kong kumain ay pumasok ako sa aking silid at dumeretso sa banyo to take a shower. Paglabas ko ay tinuyo ko ang aking buhok at humiga ako sa kama and I fell asleep.

Pagising ko ay madilim na ang paligid. Hindi ko pa rin gustong bumangon pero nakaramdam ako ng gutom dahil na rin siguro sa kakaunti ang aking nakain kaninang tanghalian. Pinilit tumayo at lumabas sa kuwarto para tignan kung nakauwi na ang mga kasama ko ngunit tahimik pa rin ang buong bahay.

I got my cellphone at lalabas na lng ako pra kumain mag isa at maglalakad lakad na rin ako sa dalampasigan para magpalipas ng oras dahil siguradong mahihirapan na akong matulog mamaya dahil kagigising ko lang.

When I got out of the villa ay nakarinig ako ng mga taong nagtatawanan at nag aasaran sa hindi kalayuan. And there they are. They set up a bonfire and gathered around it while eating, drinking and talking maybe cathing up with each other. Funny as it is pero walng mga kasamang babae ang mga kaibigan namin at wala ring kasamang boylet si Kaye at Mira. Nandoon din si Lucas na tahimik lang at seryosong nakikinig sa mga kaibigan habang may hawak na bote ng beer.

Dahan dahan lang akong naglalakad papunta sa kanilang direksiyon while looking intently at Lucas. From where I am standing I can clearly see how handsome he is. He is more than 6 feet tall, his hair is a little bit long and wavy na parang ang sarap suklayin gamit ng aking mga daliri. He has long curled lashes na mas maganda pa kaysa sa aking mga pilikmata na pinarisan ng magagandang gray na mga mata na kung tumitig ay para kang mawawala sa mundo niya. How did I know? Because He just caught me checking him out pero agad ding ibinaling sa iba ang tingin. He has a definite pointed nose and a red kissable sweet lips. Yeah I was drunk but I still remebered what happened that night.

Bumaba ang aking tingin sa kanyang mga balikat. He has broad shoulders, malalaki din ang kanyang muscles, his chest and his abs. Damn as if iniimbitahan ako ng mga abs niya na lapitan siya at hawakan ang mga ito. Bumaba pa ang mga mata ko until my eyes reached his bulged at namula ang aking mga pisngi.

I closed my eyes at napailing nalang ako dahil kung ano ano na ang nakikita at naiisip ko.

"HI Princess! Are you feeling good now?" bungad agad sa akin ni DAniel.

"Yeah, feeling better" i said back trying to cheer up my voice dahil baka lalong mag alala ito. Lumapit ako sa kanya para humingi ng yosi at binigay naman niya ang isang pack na nabuksan na niya tsaka ako lumapit kung nasaan ang mga liquor.

"Eat before you smoke or drink Rae!" paalala pa nito sa akin.

"I can do whatever I want Dani, dinaig mo pa si daddy ah!" pabalang na sagot ko kanya. I know he was just worried about me pero nainis ako bigla because it reminded me of someone na lagi na lang sinsabi kung anong dapat kong gawin.

Binalewala niya ang pagsusungit ko and answered back. "Just reminding you Princess!"

"Ok fine! Thanks anyway!" pabalang kong sagot pa din dito at kumuha ako ng pagkain just to shut him up.

I finished my dinner quietly at kumuha ako ng isang bote ng tequila and a shot glass at lumayo ako ng kaunti kung nasaan sila. Umupo ako sa buhangin at pinagmasdan ang tahimik na dagat. Tanging ang ingay lamang ng mga alon ang maririnig at ang tawanan ng aking mga kaibigan sa hindi kalayuan.

If before I wouldn't want to be alone right now I prefer to be alone. After what happened I tried to continue and go on with my life as if nothing happened. I let myself believe that the pain will pass and eventually I will be back being me. Then I realized I don't know who I am anymore. It seems like he changed me into another person unknowingly. And for the sake of his love i allowed him and my world revolved around him. But now I'm broken, my soul is broken and I don't know if I have the courage to pick up the shattered pieces or if I even want to be whole again. I feel so empty and lifeless. I can no longer keep the sadness inside of me.

I had my first shot of tequila and I felt the heat of the liquor as it passes through my throat. I opened the pack of cigarettes Daniel has given me and half of it were weed cigarettes. I smiled thinking how naughty he is that he gave me the pack knowing that there are weeds inside it. We used to smoke weeds together way back then.

I lit one stick and started to smoke, it has been so long since i last smoked that kind of cigarette and I'm starting to enjoy it when I heard a voice behind me that startled me.

"When did you start to smoke weeds?" Lucas asked while looking at me with a questioning eyes. Lumapit pa siya sa akin at umupo sa tabi ko.

"Just now" matipid na sagot ko at tumungga ulit ako ng tequila na halos nakakalahati ko na.

"Are you really fine Rae?" may pag aalalang tanong niya.

"Yeah! I think so or maybe not. I really don't know now. I feel so alone." I started opening up to him because I know I needed to free my heart and mind of the things that are bothering me hoping that I will be really fine after.

"You are not alone, you know that. We are here for you. I am here." he said trying to cheer me up.

"Nasaan na nga pala yung girlfriend mo?" pag iiba ko sa usapan namin dahil parang nagbago ang isip kong maglabas ng saloobin sa kanya but then naisip ko that maybe I asked him wrong question.

"Umuwi na siya. And she's not my girlfriend. I don't do girlfriends." balewalang sabi nito.

"Oh sorry. I forgot kagaya ka din pala nila you f**k and go." balewalang sagot ko rin sa kanya.

"Let's not talk about me Rae, I was asking you if you are fine?" pang uulit niya sa tanong niya kanina.

"Okey! I'm not fine! I'm just trying to look fine and smile in front of everyone. I don't really know what I'm feeling right now. I feel lost, broken and empty. I thought I found the right one for me. I thought I did everything, I thought I gave my best shot but I was not enough for him." Tears started to fall and I couldn't stop anymore. Kung sa mga nakaraang linggo ay hindi ako umiyak parang ngayon ay gusto bumuhos lahat ng luhang naipon. Gusto kong ilabas lahat ng sama ng loob na nararamdaman ko.

He just listened to what I was saying while I cried my heart out loud. Nakaakbay lang siya sa akin and he's tapping my back. Hinila niya ako paharap sa kanya and he hugged me tight. Sa yakap na iyon I felt I was safe again, I felt I was home again then something popped up my head.

Yes! I needed to go back home to search the old me, to pick up the pieces of my broken soul. The hell with the traitors! I will surely make them pay.

I hugged him back and continued to cry on his chest until there were no tears left.

"Just cry Rae. I'm just here for you. This will be the last time I see you cry because of that asshole" sabi ni Lucas at hinila pa ako palapit sa kanya. Hinalikan pa niya ang noo ko at niyakap ulit ako.