Bad At Love

Chapter Six

flash back

!! trigger warning !! this chapter contains graphic content and triggering contents. Please be advised this chapter contains miscarriage. This chapter can be skipped without reading but do understand this is a look into the relationship of Jake and Farrah. How ruined they were already at this point and he decided to leave her when she needed him the most **

The silence that consumed the clinic's patient room had been driving me insane for the last hour. My feet were tapping against the linoleum as my fingers fidgeted. I tried to occupy the treacherous thoughts that overpowered my mind. Jake and I had been here since four in the morning, and the cheap coffee hadn't helped curb our exhaustion.

The doctors had insisted everything would be fine. And they would know what was going on within thirty minutes. But, it's been almost four hours. A million and one thoughts raced through my mind throughout my being here. None of which were good.

A dull ache in the pit of my belly, my hand instantaneously applied pressure to my lower abdomen. A hot tear rolled down my cheek for the hundredth time this morning. The pain had started to become unbearable, and my panties felt wetter by the second.

I knew this was no simple illness, I could feel it in my bones that something was terribly wrong.

"Jake, it hurts," I moaned aloud as I stretched one of my hands forward to get Jake to grab hold of me. For a moment, I noticed his hesitation as his eyes danced between me and the wall beside us. He took my hand into his gently, before I felt his wet lips press upon my forehead.

"It's okay baby girl, you will be fine. They're going to come any minute and administer more medicine or tell us what's going on; I promise," He said. His voice soothed me for a moment as his thumb caressed my hand. My eyelids fluttered closed as I leaned into him. He had attempted to ease my conscience with his meaningless words. But that is all they were: meaningless words.

My hands applied more pressure onto my lower abdomen as my eyelids fluttered back open. I needed more than the comfort of the man I loved; I needed answers. I couldn't help but let out a distressed sigh. The sound of knocking interrupted my deep thinking, causing my head to raise. A woman in a white coat slid into the open door; her face was absolutely unreadable.

"Ms. Pearce? Mr. Griffith?" The woman's voice flooded the once quiet room. Her shoes squeaking against the linoleum as she made her way towards us with a saline bag in hand. She offered a small smile.

"Sorry about the wait, we had an emergency surgery and I just became available. Let me switch your saline bag quick, and then we can have a quick chat," her voice was calm and soothing, more so than Jake's. I watched as Jake pulled away from me, frustration clear on his face.

"You're kidding me, do you think her saline bag is more important than informing her why she has been in so much pain?" He scoffed, his head shaking in dissatisfaction at her words. I couldn't help but feel anger towards him. I didn't mind waiting an extra minute, because the poor woman was merely doing her job.

"Sir, I understand your frustrations, but this is important. I do so, and you will understand. Please let me do what I have to to ensure the safety of my patient. Otherwise, I will have to ask you to leave," the doctor raised her brow as she walked over to the empty bag hooked onto my IV. I tried my best to hide my smile as she attached a new bag. Jake stood stiff in the corner, not responding out loud, but definitely inside of his head.

The doctor exhaled a sigh. She turned around and walked over to the far corner of the room to dispose of the bag. She turned around and eyed me for a moment, before pulling forward her medical stool. She motioned Jake towards me, earning my eyebrows to raise concern.

"Mrs. Pearce--" The doctor started.

"It's Ms.," Jake interrupted her to correct my title, causing my head to jerk towards him in embarrassment. Did he feel the urge to correct her was the right choice in this moment? I couldn't help but scoff at him as he tried to reach his hand out for mine. I jerked my hand away and turned my focus on the woman waiting patiently to deliver my diagnosis.

"My apologies," she replied curtly, before briefly shutting her eyes.

"I have some very difficult news I have to deliver to you." She continued, the look in her eyes shifted into sorrow as she pushed herself closer towards us. I felt her cold hands latch onto my own as she peered downward.

"Doctor," my breath caught in my throat as I attempted to form a proper sentence. I examined her face, and my words fell from my lips, "what is going on?" I tried to steady my voice as I questioned her, but as I studied her, I knew the answer wouldn't be an easy one.

"Ms. Pearce, I don't know how to start, so allow me to ask you a question," she began, her brows knitted together. I nodded my head softly as an encouragement to continue, "Ms. Pearce, were you aware of your pregnancy?" I felt my lungs constrict, the weight of a thousand planets crashing into my chest. My hands began to shake as I felt my head shudder in confusion.

How is this possible? I was on the pill, I always forced Jake to use protection, and there was no one else I had slept with in the last two years.

"Excuse me," the words rolled off my tongue before I could stop them as I felt Jake's frame shift away from me. I felt my heart sink into my stomach at his movement, but quickly ignored the emptiness in my chest.

"I assumed as much," the doctor sighed carefully. She leaned towards me and squeezed my hands for comfort. Her thumb ran across the top of my hand.

"Darling, I am sorry to tell you this, but it appears your baby wasn't able to survive in your uterus. I am so sorry, Ms. Pearce, but it appears the child is no longer with us. That's what has been causing you pain, your body expelling the rem—" the doctor explained. I drowned out the sound of her voice. I didn't want to hear about my body fighting against itself.

"How is this possible?" I whimpered, hot tears slid down my cheeks with haste as she spoke. Her words cutting deep into me the more she spoke. I didn't know I was pregnant, I may not have been ready for a child. But now I had no ability to make the choice that I should've -- could've -- had.

"Well, some women aren't aware of their pregnancies, sometimes they don't find out until much later into it. You were only thirteen weeks along, so the child was roughly the size of a lemon. So, it is understandable if you weren't receptive to what was going on," the doctor offered me a small smile. I tried to comprehend what was going on. I felt my head shake softly as I inhaled deeply.

"I am so sorry for your loss," she added as she squeezed my hand gently one last time. "I will go ahead and give you guys a moment alone," she smiled softly. Before releasing my hands and making her way to exit the room. I felt my heart sink lower into my stomach, as if it were possible to go further inside. I felt Jake's hand latch onto mine for the first time since the doctor had walked into the room. His hand squeezed onto mine as his head leaned onto my shoulder.

"Fae, baby," he whimpered into me, his face burying itself into my hair as he inhaled deeply, "I am so sorry." He murmured an apology as if he was the cause. I felt my heart ache at his words as my hands squeezed onto his for dear life. I didn't need his apologies in this moment, all I needed was his comfort.

"Stop it, J. Don't apologize to me, please," I whispered. I pulled his head towards my chest, as my hands tangled themselves in his curly locks. I felt a sudden emptiness in my chest as my fingers were moved absentmindedly. For the rest of the morning, I couldn't bring myself to speak, let alone sleep. I only sat there quietly, waiting for my release forms to come to the room. I didn't want to be trapped within the walls of a place like this. A place that had given me the worst news of my life.

The possibility of having children in my future was slim. I had lost the only fetus my body might carry. And I felt the weight on my shoulders intensify. Was I still a woman? Would a man want me if I couldn't provide him a family?

Jake left shortly after the doctor had revealed the news. He claimed he got called into the office for some lost paperwork. I wanted to believe he was being truthful, but I knew that look in his eyes. The look where he couldn't hide his lies. I tried to deny it for a while, denied he was going to see other people. Denied he had been lying to me -- hiding from me what he had been doing. I realized it the moment he came home with the smell of roses a few months before. He excused it away, claimed they were shooting photos in a field of roses that day.

But I knew better.

So, I sat alone in the hospital room of horrors, covered in my own sweat, tears, and blood. In my hand rested the ball of panties, the sick reminder of the unknown I had lost. The reminder of my womanhood being taken from me without me even knowing.