I went straight to the bed. With the bedsheets unchanged, I felt dirty in the bed, but I still didn’t get off it. The mattress smelled like him—like Idris. Like everything I wanted to scrub out of my memory. Still, I didn’t care. My body ached with exhaustion, but my soul carried more weight than I could ever unload.
For the next couple of minutes, I was lost in my thoughts. Everything in my life was difficult, nothing seemed real anymore. Thoughts kept flooding into my head like a dam had cracked. Memories of pain, grief, fear, they clawed at me until, finally, mercifully, sleep claimed me.
I woke up a few hours later feeling no better. If anything, I felt worse. Like I had drowned in my own subconscious. My mind was racing… filled up with depressing thoughts I couldn’t silence. All I c
