Battle of Her

Ariella

Ariella

I feel the warmth of the sun all the way to my toes. A gentle breeze through my hair bringing the smell of freshly cut grass. I twirl the red poppy in my fingers, watching the petals shift slightly with the movement. The dark center a beautiful contrast to the dark red petals.

Amos used to pick them for me. Used to tell me Im different, so I needed a different flower.

I glance over to Xalvador, then he tells me being different isn't so bad and hands me a red poppy.

Xalvador, he's unexpected. His presence is obvious, but not overwhelming. He feels steady.

My mind feels fuzzy as we walk back to my rooms, and Im ready to rest.

I try to remember a time I wasn't so tired, but can't. I haven't done much, but then again, I never needed to before I felt like I haven't slept in three days.

I take my time heading back through the halls, my hand against the wall, the flower in my other. Any sound of footsteps makes me pause, my heart beats quicker, and my skin gets slick with sweat.

I can, however, remember a time when these halls didn't give me fear. Footsteps were just footsteps.

Xalvador is a constant presence at my back, a few paces behind me. His steps seem silent as he follows me closely.

I try to think about my sister's, but can't remember what we talked about at lunch. Frustration builds as everything seems to be completely blank from that morning. Frustration is energy, energy I don't have, so it soon sizzles into exhaustion.

When we finally reach my room, my afternoon tea sits there, waiting. I pause for a moment. Xalvador has gone to his room, and I'm alone.

There is no hunger, there is no thirst. Maybe I'll sit by the fire for a moment. Feel the warmth of the flame, the crackling of the wood, the dancing across the embers. It always gives me something to watch. Something my mind can track easily, and if I forget, it's still in front of me to realize again.

I glance around as I settle into the chair, the emptiness of the room feels suffocating. Like a darkness settling on my chest, like the harsh wind in a blizzard hitting your cheeks. It feels lonely.

I'm not sure how long I sat there, watching the flames dance across the hearth. Xalvador comes in to do his nightly check of all the doors and windows. A routine I've noticed. It's probably late enough to finally drink my tea. The warmth in my stomach should make sleep easier. Not that falling asleep has ever been difficult, though recently staying asleep seems impossible.

I pour my tea and sip is slowly. The warmth of it does make my stomach feel heavy.

"Would you like help with anything else Princess?" Xalvador asks, he never tells me the result of his rounds, or even what he's looking for.

"No, thank you." I tell him gently, my arms are feeling heavy, my eyes don't seem to want to focus anymore.

My exhaustion is catching up to me. Xalvador leaves through the shared door, he does however leave it partially opened.

The emptiness of the room seems to lift when he does that, like he's here with me, without being here with me.

I get up and head for my bed, my mind swimming with exhaustion I stumble to into the post. I catch my breath and try to focus my eyes before finally crawling into bed.

I close my eyes, and my brain feels like its moving while I'm holding still. My legs and arms are too heavy to move.

And I know, I did too much today.