Wanting

Remembrance -talia-

I was sitting on my bed legs crossed beneath me a mug of tea warming my hands. Staring at the mirror as my hair started to air-dry into its infamous curls, my golden amber eyes burned as I stared back at myself. With a heavy sigh, I shifted my weight and pulled out the thick leather notebook, dating the top right corner I started my entry.

'Today was the first day in ten years. The visions are returning. She’s become paranoid and I am worried that with her being able to sense him again more troublesome memories will resurface. I have already made contact with Amara to inform her of the issue at hand. I had taken care of her and left her in her dorm room with no reflective surfaces for when she wakes. I am tired of hiding the truth and want to come clean but Amara keeps saying this is for the best. I am starting to doubt that I need her to know she is not crazy she is my best friend and I cannot let her fall without knowing what it is. She needs to know the truth I cannot keep her safe by keeping her at a distance. I have told Amara as much at length listing the pros and cons of keeping it from her for much longer. She said we will speak about it in two days but to keep an eye on her. To make sure she doesn't do something she regretted again.'

It was always easier to write about her, about what she felt, what she had done what had happened to her. It was never easy to write my thoughts and feelings though. It was the hardest thing for me to do. It was hard to not hate myself, I was too critical on myself and over thought on many topics when it came to myself and my thoughts or feelings. I often hid what I felt with partying and drinking the nights away hoping to forget but I never could, she was always a priority at the forefront of my thoughts.

I wanted to hate her for being the most important thing in my life but when I thought about it I wanted to hate myself more forever considering the thought that I wanted to hate her. It was all so complicated so I chose self-loathing. Self-loathing was easier than hating and blaming things on her when she was innocent in it all. She could not help how I felt about her or how much I cared about her either. I sighed heavily as I looked out the window the night sky was alive, hadn’t seen it this alive since that day, the day Amara stole her memories. I still didn't know how she did it, but I couldn't question her if I did I would've lost my memories too and the right to protect her with them.

So I tried to question as little as possible while keeping an eye on my best friend, I heard a noise below my window and then I saw her walking down the pathway away from the dorms with Stacy. I felt glad that she was making another friend she wasn't as social as I am and it was hard to keep track of her while I had all the things in my own life to consider. I am just glad I still knew, I always had this odd sense that something was wrong. It started in first grade the first time she had seen him, it started with a soft headache and then goosebumps and the hair on the nape of my neck. Like an animal instinct of danger, I felt like she was in danger. 

Since then I always knew when something bad was happening to her. I always knew, not that I was always in time or could help her when I knew. I was sitting in AP biology this morning when I felt it, it came on a rushing wind as if a distress signal was ripping through the world. I had snapped to attention but no one else had noticed it, the burst of energy. Then came the signs and I knew I had to get to her. So I did what I always did when it came to her, I became the selfless person who I was only to her. She was the only person I had ever put before myself or anyone else. I rushed out and towards the direction I just somehow knew she would be.

A while later I had found her on the grass with her palms bleeding and I had held her and calmed her as best I could. Once she had fainted I had carried her and taken care of her before leaving to finish my lectures for the day. s**t, my lectures! I pulled out a notebook and textbook and begin my essay on the necessity of animals in our ecosystem.