In the Blink of a Decade

My Birthday Suit

When I was younger, I hated my body. It took me until my mid twenties to accept that this is the body I have and I should just rock it. But that was a mind over matter battle I did with myself up until I gave birth to Dalia.

Before Dalia, I would select baggy and flowy clothing trying to disguise the parts of my body I didn’t like as much. It was guaranteed that I was wearing Spanks under my ensemble at every special occasion.

Then came pregnancy. I gained weight, and the mid section I was always trying to loose only I got larger. I had to continually remind myself that it was supposed to be this way, the baby was growing. I worked hard with my OGYN to not gain any more weight than necessary.

Dalia made a statement when she entered the world. After two days in labour she went into distress and I had to have an emergency C-Section. I laid naked and exposed on a table while an OBGYN, Surgeon, Anesthesiologist, Paediatrician and 4 nurses worked hard to get Dalia out of my womb safely. I was so focused on Dalia’s arrival, I didn’t have time to focus on my body insecurity.

During my recovery in the hospital, I lost track of how many nurses and doctors saw me naked.

The overdose of people seeing me naked coupled with the fact that no one judged my extra body mass and just looked at me like I was a human in a human body ended any last issues I had with my size. I now wear my birthday suit with confidence.

It is with this confidence, and bottle and a half of wine coursing through my veins that I quickly make my way to the dock., I shed my shorts, t-shirt, bra and panties and jump in the water leaving the wine bottle on the edge of the dock so that I can reach it when I want a drink.

When I resurface I swim 15 feet out into the lake and turn around to face the cottage trending water. I can see Hallie, Austin, Fisher, Alinta, Peter and Laura descending the stairs to the dock and I smile, because I know they are all going to strip down and dive in too.

I turn back to face out into the lake. The moon is nearly full and is dancing off the water. The brightness of the reflection allows me to make out some of the trees across the lake. It’s all really beautiful.

I admire the view and enjoy the feel of the water moving trough my fingers as I tread water. The water has always been my happy place. My parents used to joke that I was part fish.

Being in the water is having the desired effect. I can feel it washing any frustration from my soul and I am starting to feel relaxed and peaceful.

I can hear someone swimming up behind me but don’t turn around to see who it is. Fisher swims in front of me and looks into my face but doesn’t say anything. He is studying me with a look that says he’s not sure what to say.

The water has lifted my spirts and all I want to do is have some fun, so I decide to crack a joke “If you stare any longer you are going to be able to paint all of the wrinkles on my face from memory” I say with a smirk.

Fisher smiles, and I can tell he is a little more relaxed, but he is still staring at me. “Things got a little heated at dinner” he said.

I just nodded my head. I don’t know what I am supposed to say to that. He’s right, things did get heated at dinner. But I don’t think talking about it is going to change that.

Noticing my silence on the subject he pushed further “I know what Casey did was horrible, but I was hoping that we could all have a nice time this week. I have been friends with both of you for a long time. We have all made mistakes, maybe you could forgive him, it’s been a decade.”

As Fisher spoke, I felt my anger rising. In my drunk state I was going to burst. Fisher can be one of the most fun people to be around, but he is also often completely dense to other people’s feelings.

I worked hard to keep my voice from rising but from the look on my face, Fisher could not miss how pissed I was. “One. You didn’t have the balls to tell me you invited both of us, probably because you knew I would not come. Two. I kept my lips zipped upon his arrival because I want to have a nice week, but you deserved me telling you that you suck as a person. Three. Being in the same cottage as him for a week does not mean that I have to pay attention to him or pretend that we are friends. I won’t be that fake.”

I ended my speech and dove under the water to get away from him. I swam underneath him and resurfaced ten feet on the other side of him headed towards the other side of the lake. I didn’t care who saw my backside, I just wanted to swim across the lake.

I reached the other side in about five minutes, crawled up on a rock and laid down staring up at the moon. The swim had calmed me down, but I was in no rush to head back.

There were so many stars out tonight. The sky looked like it was lit up with a million twinkle lights.

I was just starting to think how peaceful it was laying there when I heard the splash of someone swimming toward me. I don’t look to see who followed me across the lake even though I know I am lying naked under a well lit moon on this rock.

The person stopped swimming a few feet from where I am laying. I still don’t turn to look and see who it is. “Unless you tell me not to, I am going to climb up there with you” Fisher says.

I sigh but don’t reply. Fisher and I have never fought much and I know he’s not someone who likes drama. So I am surprised he followed me across the lake.

He climbs up the rock and lays down next to me. “I am surprised you didn’t tell me to swim away” he says.

I laugh “You have seen more than your fair share of t**s and v*****s in your lifetime. Other than my C-Section scar, I don’t have anything you haven’t already seen.”

We are quite for a few minutes just looking up at the stars.

Fisher breaks the silence, “I deserved what you said to me, I should have told you Casey was coming…..I do suck as a person for that.”

I didn’t say anything, I just kept staring at the sky.

“The truth is, I was hoping that after being happily married to Zack, the past wouldn’t bother you so much.”

Again, I remained silent.

“I never wanted to get in the middle of you and Casey….I still don’t…..But he is a good guy and while you don’t have to like him, could you do me one favour and just have one conversation with him this week.”

I turn to look at him to see if he is serious and the look on his face says genuine and a little tipsy.

I take a deep breath, “We both know I have trouble saying no to you.”

“That’s what I was hoping you would say” he said with a smile.

“Let’s head back to the cottage, there is a bottle of wine with our name on it” I said.

As I swam back across the lake I let the water work it’s magic and wash away my anger. By the time I reached the others I was feeling pretty happy….although that may have more to do with the wine.

I swam to the dock to grab the bottle I had left on the edge. As I approached I saw Casey sitting on the dock beside it waiting for me.

Fuck, I am not ready to talk to him was all I could think. So I swam past him and climbed up the latter and onto the dock.

“I am tired, I am going to call it a night” I said to everyone. I then turned around and walked up the stairs to the cottage leaving my clothes on the dock.

I walked into the cottage in my birthday suit, past the rest of our group who didn’t go swimming and crawled into bed still damp.