What The Vearth?

Chapter 3: Fight or Flight

Unfortunately for me, all windows seemed to be pretty much similar except the ones lined along my left side, which seemed to be beaming in a curious ray of purple light and a gentle breeze from the outside world. Knowing this is it, I jumped and ran towards the window closest to the bed I was laid on, as if my life depended on it, which it did. As I ran the short distance, there was a dull ache all over my not-so-built body. Who am I kidding? I’m no athlete. Just a lazy nerd running for oh-so desperate life. Just then a sharp jab of pain struck at the lower end of my head, effectively slowing down my race for a mere second, for I was steadfastly determined to not die today. I will die another day. My quirky brain just had to pull another ironic yet iconic line at such a time in life.

Take note, dear brain: I’M NOT 007. AND THAT INCLUDES YOU. Now, focus on the escape plan, please. As I reached the window and attempted to climb out, I realized the alluring amethyst sky (you heard me right, the sky is not blue here), housing loads of clouds and a fine bright moon was way closer to my grasp than the solid ground that I yearned for. I was at least ten storeys from the ground. My leap down will only land me splat into the welcoming arms of death, that is simply dying to snatch my life away, one way or another.

Looks like I’m going to bid sayonara to dear life today, after all. Given the circumstances, I’d rather my last act on Earth (no, this can’t be Earth), wherever this place may be, be a source of nourishment for a couple of living, no, undead beings rather than a wasted splat of disfigured meat adding ugliness to the impeccably well-kept pavement. On the wishful side, I might even convince the vamps that I would be a poor choice of meal with my persuasive style of speech.

Huffing a big sigh of near defeat, I slowly turn around to face the three vampires standing pretty close behind me. Pary’s face reflected a hybrid emotion of relief mingled with worry, while his hands were extended as though he was about to catch me from my close encounter to death by leaping out the window. The doc continued to give me the stink eye, keeping his arms crossed tightly over his chest, while the other dude, whose name I did not catch yet, looked, bored at worst, neutral at best. One thing, I know for sure, he’d be the last to mourn my death if he ever did have to attend my funeral.

We continued silently staring at one another for perhaps a few seconds, a few minutes, or even a few hours. Don’t ask me. I simply forgot to time the whole silent confrontation, with the death threat looming about. Why the silence you ask? Me, not knowing what to say so that I wouldn’t end up being served on a platter. So much for my power of persuasion. Them, I’ve no clue. Maybe they’re assessing the best means to get me on a platter.

When I finally got my gut together, Pary suddenly blasted off like a bullet train, “We honestly mean well. No intention of sucking you dry, guaranteed. Like I said before, if we wanted to, we would have already. Now please stop trying to kill yourself. Give us a chance, will yeah?”

Blinking my eyes way more than I needed to due to his fearsome sudden outburst, I cleared my throat aloud and asked the stupidest question in the history of stupid, “But aren’t vampires supposed to feed off humans? You aren’t planning to play with your food or something, are you?”

Internally, I imagined smacking myself till I bled to death. Way to go me. Instead of persuading them otherwise, it felt more like I was convincing them to have a go at me.

Expecting the worst, you could say it came as a major shocker when the vampires before me started laughing hard like I just cracked the wackiest joke ever. Even the rigid doc couldn’t help but chuckle away while shaking his head repeatedly.

“Doc, you sure he didn’t c***k his head?”, quipped the not-so-neutral vampire behind Pary, between the intervals of his seemingly uncontrollable laughter. Jeez, I never did expect that carefully etched expression could ever change.