Living my truth self

Happiness

I wonder why it gotta be so much blood sweat and tears just to be happy. Seems like everything I am doing isn't enough or maybe it's too little I am really feeling unappreciated and I don't deserve this bullshit at all period. Everything isn't falling into place like I thought it would wishful thinking that taking care of things and expressing my love plus showing it still not enough. I am hoping that this money comes through for me that my brother sugar moma supposed to be sending in my direct deposit. Damn I just need to catch a f*****g break and live comfortably in my own house with my family that I have right now I am hoping that this month would be the month that I would find a house and be moving out of this hotel plus have my space once again and privacy. This s**t right here is for the birds and I am so tired of all of this it's mentally draining me and physically getting on my nerves and I am so ready to explode right now. God is keeping me sane and giving me strength to deal with my life right now and keep my head up and above water and not sink or drown into a miserable b***h. When I lost my late wife things went straight to hell for me I couldn't continue to pay for our townhouse anymore guess what fuckd around and got evicted cause I couldn't afford the place alone with just my income I couldn't pay for s**t anymore. My f****d part was letting my daughter quit her job that's when life turned upside down for me and I started drowning and sinking in the water without any life support helping me while I am being pulled underneath of the water. Sometimes I am wondering like why me and why this s**t has to happen to me what did I do so wrong or what I should've done but didn't why am I being punished this life right now suck ass and hopefully things changed sooner rather than later cause I am feeling myself not being able to hold on to all of this not feeling appreciative towards anything I am trying to do and make sure I could keep smiles on everyone face. I could see now how my late wife was feeling when she was doing everything she possibly can to feel accepted I didn't know that my life would have end up like it has. I do have a peaceful spot that I goes to for a peace of mind and quietness without any yelling screaming just completely silence. OMG I love my peaceful area. My daughter wanted me to tell her but nope I didn't say anything or shown her wears it actually at cause that's for my peace of mind and no one needs to know about it.