Devilish Mate

8

“For all intents and purposes she was human,” Jophiel admitted, before turning back to me. “I took away your powers and turned you human. The only thing I left was your immortality. I couldn’t bear the thought of you growing old and dying. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“How is that possible?” I asked.

“Because she’s an Archdemon,” Zel said with obvious disdain.

Jophiel nodded. “Archangels—and Archdemons, for that matter—have a unique ability to turn angels and demons into humans, stripping them of their powers and immortality. It’s almost never done, and in fact few people know it’s even possible. In the old days the power was abused, so now we try to never use it, unless someone asks us to do so.”

I stared at my sister, my hands trembling. “Did I ask?”

“No. You simply wanted to forget. But that wasn’t enough. I couldn’t send you back out as an angel. Lucifer and Adam would find you again!” She reached for me, but I pulled back. “Don’t you see, I did this to protect you.”

“You did it against my will!” f**k, she was just as bad as Lucifer. Both of them claiming to love me, and then making life-changing decisions without actually consulting me. I stood up and paced the room, running a jerky hand through my hair. Did anyone actually give a damn what I thought? Or what I wanted? Or did they all think they knew better than me?

“Haniel, please,” my sister said. “I only wanted you to be safe.”

“But you never asked what I wanted!” I roared, as golden light flared out of me like an explosion.

Jophiel shrank back and Zel threw up a hand to shield her eyes. I quickly got the light back under control and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself before I accidentally destroyed my sister’s house. Not that she deserved anything less. Besides, there was still more she wasn’t telling me.

“Why do I only remember the last five years of my life as Hannah?” I asked.

Jophiel smoothed her skirt. “Even though I did my best to give you a normal, human life, after a few years you figured out that something wasn’t right. I wiped your memories and started again, giving you a new identity and a new life, but it never lasted. You’d miraculously heal a wound, or realize you weren’t aging, and then grow suspicious. So we’d have to do it again.”

My mouth fell open and all I could do was stare at her. “How many times?”

“Seven,” Jophiel said in a low voice. “I’ve wiped your memories seven times.”

“Seven times! And each time you gave me a new life,” I said, still pacing, my hands clenched tight. “Was any of it real? What about the accident with the drunk driver? That was fake, wasn’t it? Just a way to easily explain away my lack of memories?”

She dropped her head. “Yes.”

“And our supposed parents who died in the crash? They weren’t real, were they?”

“No. They never existed. Not the ones you’re thinking of anyway, although all of our parents are gone. We really are orphans.”

As if that made it any better. Fury pounded behind my eyes, nearly giving me a headache. Everything I’d believed for my entire life—or as it turned out, only five years of my life—was all a lie. A story. Something Jophiel simply made up to keep me under her control like I was a child she needed to coddle.

“All this time you lied to me,” I said, seething with anger. “Aren’t Ofanim supposed to be the angels of truth?”

“I’m sorry, Haniel,” Jophiel said in a low voice. “I only did what I thought was best.”

Shock and rage unfurled in my chest, and I picked up my coffee mug and threw it at her display of angels, knocking a few of them over and splashing liquid everywhere. “No! You can’t use that excuse anymore. You took my choices away. You took my life away.” I whirled around and stalked toward her, until I stood over her, trembling with barely-contained emotion. “And now you’re going to give me my memories back.”

Zel jumped to her feet and moved behind me, backing me up with a growl. “Do it.”

“All right, yes.” Jophiel rose to her feet and lifted her chin. “But don’t forget that you asked me to remove them. You didn’t want these memories. Sometimes it’s easier to not remember.”

Lucifer had said something similar, but what could be worse than existing in a world of fleeting half-truths? If I was going to move on with the rest of my immortal life, I needed to be whole again. “Do it. I don’t care how bad the memories are.”

Jophiel pressed her lips together in a thin line, a crease marring her forehead. “You may want to sit down for this.”

I reluctantly took a seat in the white armchair, and Jophiel moved close. She rested her hand on my forehead and light filled my gaze as her palm heated. I closed my eyes and braced myself for whatever was to come.

The memories rushed in, all at once. They filled my mind with decades of life, but it was too much and too quickly. I wanted to scream, and if I was standing I surely would have fallen to my knees. As it was, I could only grip the arms of the chair tight as memories buffeted me. Things I should have known, things I never should’ve forgotten. Love. Pain. Loss.

Such incredible loss.

I clutched my stomach and cried out in anguish, as tears filled my eyes. The pain was too much, and way too raw. Pain I’d never had time to recover from, and loss I’d never had a chance to grieve. I didn’t know how to handle it, or all the other feelings surging inside me.

Maybe Lucifer and Jophiel were right. Maybe it was better not to know.

5

Lucifer