Forsaking His Luna

Truths

Miriam

He started working, mixing some eggs.

He grabbed two glass jars from the cupboard and milk from the fridge. I realized he was making pancakes.

Not knowing what to do, I offered to help.

“Do you need me to do anything?”

“Nah, I’m good. Just help yourself to the coffee machine, it’s automatic with capsules, there’s also juice in the fridge.”

I headed to the coffee machine. I could see the mugs through the glass door of the cupboard.

“Do you want one too?”

“No thanks, I already have one.”

“Actually, do you have tea?”

“Yes, there’s camomile on that tin.”- he pointed at a beautiful closed tin with yellow flowers on it.

He remembered my favourite tea. It was also the only reason I could think that could have cut the effect of my birth control pill.

“You have camomile tea?”- my voice came out more surprised than I intended.

“It’s the only tea I have in the house.”- he answered without looking at me, he kept working. I had to hold my surprise and pretend it didn’t warm me, the thought of him buying tea just for me.

I got the kettle started, and went to open the tin, although it was still sealed shut.

Understanding my silent question, he spoke.

“I got it the first time I went grocery shopping for the house. Check the label to see if it’s still good.”

“Okay, yeah it actually ends next year...but why?”

“Why what?”- he kept working, pretending he didn’t know what I was asking.

“Why did you buy a tea that you don't even drink?”

“Because of you.”

“Excuse me?”

He finally stopped, switching off the stove. He placed the plate with a few pancakes and scrambled eggs on the counter behind us.

He turned to me. There was very little space between us.

“Miriam, I... the truth is I always imagined that somehow you would visit me one day and I wanted to have tea for you.”

To say I was surprised was not enough. I didn’t expect him to still have consideration for me. Wasn't I just his summer's discarded girlfriend? He had the audacity to pretend he cared about me and I was out of words for his actions. I decided once more against confrontation.

“It smells good.” I was a coward, so I finished making my tea and grabbed a seat on the stool. He leaned back on the counter watching me as I started to eat.

“Can we talk a little?” - he asked, apprehensively. I looked at him and just nodded.

“Just ask.”- It was all I said.

“Don’t you want to ask me something first?”- he seemed confused.

“You go ahead. I always ask what I need to know.”- and I didn’t need to know how his perfect life was going, or if he had someone. Simply because I didn’t care.

“Okay... How did you end up in the royal navy?”

With my mouth full of food, I slowed down and spoke.

“Well, it’s a long story. In the short version, I just needed something that would let me do what I love and that gave me a good income, moving to England felt right.” - he nodded, seeming to understand.

“Alone?” -there was the question I wanted to avoid, but couldn’t, and I also didn’t want to lie.

“No.” - it was all I said. Hoping he would drop it. His expression turned unreadable and I couldn’t see through it.

“New boyfriend?"; his tone was almost pissed. How dare he? Of course, he would think that...

“No. With my son.” he stopped breathing.

“You have a son?!”; he practically shouted, shocked.

“Yes I do.”; he squinted his eyes slightly, thinking hard. Connecting the dots.

“How old is he?”

Now I have stopped eating, putting my cutlery down.

“Why do you care so much?”

“I’m... just curious, I guess.”; lie, he wanted to know if it was his. I decided to tell him the truth.

“He’s four, and turns five in March.”; he visibly stumbled back, clearly doing the maths. His eyes widened and his breathing got quicker.

“What’s his name?”; I eyed him, noticing his grim expression.

Was it a good idea to tell him this now? I signed, accepting that, since he asked, he had the right to know...

“Lucas.”

“Miriam, is he...mine?”

I picked my cutlery back and kept eating like he had asked the most normal question in the world.

So I answered like I always thought I would.

“No. He’s mine.”- I slowly finished eating my food. Feeling his gaze on my face the entire time.

“Miriam, please, answer me.”

When I was done, I put the cutlery down. Looked at him, and finally replied.

“I am answering you. He is mine. Not yours, not anyone’s. Mine, and mine alone!”

He started to breathe louder. Almost like he was suffocating. His eyes turned golden, it was now Finn who looked at me.

Maybe I shouldn’t have told him at all. Knowing him, he would want to be a part of his life, but did I want that?

His body started to shake, and in a split second, he shifted right into the middle of the kitchen.

He looked at me and howled, then looking at me one last time, he ran out the door fast.

I felt bad for telling him so abruptly, but I also felt relieved, it was never meant to be a secret. He didn’t know about Lucas because he never gave me a chance to tell him, and he literally just realised that. What a mess. I just wanted to leave this place and go home.

My emotions were starting to get the best of me, and I wanted to go after him.

But why would I do that? He had to deal with his actions just as I did. I didn’t want him to suffer, but I also wanted him to know exactly how I felt five years ago. I got up and put the dishes in the dishwasher.

I took my painkiller completely, I was starting to feel sore, the adrenaline completely burned off, and I started yawning.

Maybe I should sleep. I needed to feel better and leave as soon as possible.

I headed up the stairs to my room, closing the door behind me. I lay on the bed covering myself with the duvet, I looked at the ceiling and felt the pull of our bond painfully in my chest.

He was near, and he was hurting. Did that mean... he regrets not knowing before? It doesn't matter now. I had to leave this place.

Grabbing Cody's phone, I started dialling the headquarters number.

It beeped only four times before the general picked up.

"Mathias speaking."

"General, it's Miriam."

"Captain! It's a relief to finally hear from you! Where are you? Do you require extraction?" he all but shouted.

"No general. I was rescued by my son's father. You remember the story I told you?"

"Yes, the alpha?"

"Not exactly him. His Beta and team."

"How did he know where to find you?"

"I am still trying to figure it out, but apparently they intercepted our radio call to the RAF, and then they hacked the cameras. When they saw the footage, they recognized me and came to my rescue."

"Are you hurt?"

"No general. I have a few bruises and cuts, but I'm ok. Did Rowan and Phoenix make it back to safety? And the rest of the crew?"

"They did. No casualties thanks to you. Need I remind you that in a situation like this, you should have carried the device yourself?"

"A captain never abandons a ship. I was never going to leave them to die. You know that."

"Stubborn as a mule."

"Come on, general, you know me."

"I do indeed. I owe you, Moura. The British royal navy owes you. You name your reward."

"I will when the time comes, don't worry," I replied as a joke, but knew the general had my back.

"I'm assuming you need time off. But I need someone to replace me in four months."

"What do you mean, general?"

"I mean that I am retiring and need someone to replace me. I have recommended you."

"General, I don't know what to say..."

"That's easy, you say yes and present yourself to work two months from now. Does that work for you, captain?"

" But, general..."

"No, but's. Think about it first, and let me know in a few weeks."

"I will do. Can I ask why am I being put forward?"

"Because you are my most trusted captain."

"Yes, but what about my age?"

"Age means nothing to us, Miriam. Do you promise to think about it?"

"Yes, general."

"Good. Now good luck to you on solving your life. I am only a call away."

"Thank you, general."

He hung up, leaving me speechless, and seriously thinking about my life. Suddenly, the dormant pain in my chest seemed to rip me apart.

I need to deal with this mess. To break the bond.

Tears flooded my eyes and despair filled me. I felt hopeless, there was no way I could live with this much pain.

The truth is I couldn't live with him, or without him, I still loved him. And for that I hated myself.