All Of Me (Book 3 of Lastor Series)

Chapter 12

Dinner with the family at the rooftop restaurant of Hôtel de Paris was filled with tension and pretenses. Mother had come with her new lover, a business man who owned a string of Michelin starred restaurants all over Europe and was also a British Earl on his own right. Grandpapá and Grandmaman brought their paramours as well, albeit seated away from them. Rick was evidently struggling to keep up his conversation with Rafael as the more wine he drank, the more often he slipped back into French and his accent grew thicker, while I just kept to myself, dutifully avoiding eye contact with Mother from the next table while I ate. She's been giving me the evil eye all throughout the meal.

"You must come to Amber Lounge with us," Rafael was insisting when he realized this was Rick's first time spectating the Monaco Grand Prix. "Your Grand Prix experience is not complete unless you've partied at Amber!"

"Uhm... I don't know," Rick said dubiously, glancing at me. "If Angel wants to go, sure."

"Can't," I said, taking a sip of my sparkling cider. "I'm banned from stepping foot in Amber."

"Ah, oui. She nearly killed someone last time," Rafael added flippantly.

I rolled my eyes. "It was just assault."

Rafael snorted, leaning closer to Rick. "She beat a poor man with a bar stool and cracked his skull," he said conspiratorially.

Rick was staring wide eyed at me and I shrugged, picking at my food. "He wouldn't stop talking to me and I got pissed off."

Rafael threw his head back, laughing. "Quelle nuit!" (What a night it was!)

I tossed one of my forks at him, glancing at Rick. "You can go if you want. I have a bunch of meetings anyway and it might go on till late."

"You have meetings?" He frowned, glancing at his watch. "It's almost ten."

I shrugged. "I didn't want it to take time off our day so I had Kat schedule them late."

"You will go with us," Rafael interjected in a demanding tone, grasping Rick's shoulder. "Oui?"

Rick glanced at me and I shrugged. "I guess," he relented, chuckling.

Rafael snapped his fingers at me, holding out his palm. I took out my black Amex from my clutch, handing it to him and he kissed it, murmuring sweet nothings to the card.

Rafael went on telling Rick all about the night he had in stow for them as the dessert course was served. I was finishing off my coffee when I caught Leonardo approach us and come to my side, leaning down to my ear.

"Mr. Hagen is at the lobby with your guest," he informed me.

"Send them up to the suite," I ordered, taking my napkin off my lap and setting it on the table. "I gotta go," I said to Rick, kissing his jaw. "Don't take anything Raf gives you." I sent Rafael a glare. "Essaye quoi que ce soit sur lui et je t’enterrerai à la mer." (Try anything on him and I'll bury you at sea.)

"Ne t’inquiètes pas." (Do not worry,) he assured me, slinging an arm around Rick's shoulder. "Sa pureté ne sera pas corrompu."  (His purity will not be corrupted.) He grinned wickedly. "Beaucoup." (Much.)

I rolled my eyes, going to the rest of the family's table and bidding them a goodnight before heading out of the restaurant. I undid the chignon I had put my hair up in as we entered the elevator, consciously bringing out the character I relied on for business.

I took in my reflection on the elevator doors, my eyes becoming shadowed by a veil of menace. I pulled my shoulders back, elongating my neck to give off an aura of condescension as my face became a blank mask, remedied by just a hint of a curl on the corner of my lips. As we walked out of the elevator, I brought subjugation at every careful step as I embodied the ruler of underworld where my empire dwelled in.

When we entered the suite, Artie and Prince Ambroise of Monaco's royal family stood in attention. I deliberately raked my eyes over the prince in a languid gesture as I approached him at a leisurely pace. His breathing shifted, becoming shallow, as evident dread and reverence danced in his darkening eyes.

"Bonjour, Your Highness," I greeted in a hush voice as I stopped before him with my knees bent in a curtsy, taking his trembling hand and pressing a chaste kiss on his clammy skin. He sucked in a breath and I looked up at him from under my lashes, smiling faintly. "How may I be of service?"

**********

I took light sips from my tea cup, looking out the window as His Highness Prince Ambroise relayed his situation. As the eldest son of the ruling Prince of Monaco, he was ought to be the heir apparent but due to his frayed relationship with his father in consequence of his public exploits and disgraces during his youth, his younger brother was being favored. With his father's ailing health, it had become even more visible that his brother was being groomed to succeed while he was discarded and given frivolous duties such as attending galas and charity events. All in all, it seemed to me that I was here to grant a spoiled brat's wish to be king of the world. How f*****g boring.

"Your Highness," I cut in through his ramblings, bringing my gaze to him. He straightened at the attention. "Stop wasting my time. You want your brother dead. Just say it."

He shifted in his seat, clasping his hands over his middle. "Yes."

I sighed, setting my cup down on the intricate table between us. "Why come to me? Don't you have people who can do this easily?"

"Yes, and perhaps they will be successful. Perhaps they will die in their effort. Perhaps if they are caught, they won't break under torture. Perhaps they do and I will have to live in exile, or perhaps I will be publicly executed. Perhaps everything will go as planned and I will be made monarch and head of state." He held my gaze. "With you, there's no room for perhaps, maybe, and what if. You do, and you do it perfectly. I know, I do not hope, you will be successful."

I let myself smile, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Well... what can a girl say to such praise?"

He chuckled inwardly. "No, it's no praise. Just a statement of fact. You were always a terrifying force back in Roche, even more so now that you've lost your habits."

"Addictions, you mean," I muttered dryly.

He shrugged. "I didn't want to offend. I know how savage you can be when... provoked."

I chuckled, eyeing his posse of guards. There were nearly a dozen of them in the suite and even more out in the hall. "Is that why you brought a cavalry for tea?" I quipped.

"Yes and no," he said with light humor. "My father is keen to take my life before I take his beloved son's."

I sighed, resting my temple on my palm as I propped my elbow on the arm of the couch. "Why is it that family drama is always high stakes for people like us?" I mused. "Normal families just act passive-aggressive with each other and hold grudges till they die. For us, we wage literal war when we're wronged."

"What fun it is, to be what we are. Isn't it?" he said, smiling.

I scoffed, getting to my feet. "Fun, you say?" I shook my head, bending my leg back and undoing the strap of my shoe. "How can something so easy and dull as assassination entertain me?" I dropped the shoe and undid the other. "If I can bathe in their blood and be deafened by their screams, maybe it would make for a good day."

He swallowed hard, his body stiffening. "I'd rather not make a spectacle of the events, if possible."

I gathered up the skirt of my dress, stepping over the table and going to him. He leaned back, his breathing seizing when I brought my knees at either side of him. "I'm Angel Lastor, Your Highness," I whispered, resting my arms over the back of his chair. "Anything you wish, I will make possible but-" I leaned closer and locked eyes with him. "- what do you have to offer me?"

He swallowed again. "Name your price, Miss Lastor."

I sighed, trailing a hand down his face and grasping his neck. "You," I answered, tightening my grip and feeling his erratic pulse against my thumb. "Everything you are."

"I... I don't..."

"You will belong to me," I whispered, squeezing his throat. "You will rule over the principality and I will rule over you. Give me all that you are and make me your religion, God, master, and meaning." I brushed my lips over his and when he tried to press forward, I tightened my grip on his throat. "What do you say, my prince?" I lowered my center to his lap, inwardly cringing when I felt his erection press against me. "Will you be mine?" He nodded, a dazed look appearing in his eyes. "Words, sweetheart. Say you're mine."

"I'm yours," he croaked out.

I smirked, kissing the tip of his nose. "Then I will give you your throne." I stood over him and I felt him grasp at the skirt of my dress as I stepped down. "Goodnight, my prince," I said as I headed out to the terrace.

I heard Artie lead them out of the suite, promising to get in contact with him soon. When I heard the door shut, I pulled myself up on the glass balustrade with my back facing the street, clutching the edges and bracing my legs against the glass as I leaned back. I closed my eyes as the wind enveloped me, breathing in the scent of the ocean and wishing I could swim within its depths.

"Miss Lastor," I heard Leonardo call, his voice edged with apprehension. "Please get down from there."

"Ssshh. Hear that?" I murmured, opening my eyes. "The water is calling to me."

I released my grip but just as I felt the liberating sensation of imminent death, Leonardo caught my arm and dragged me back in. I crashed against him and he steadied us both, his heavy pants blowing against my hair.

"Are you alright?" he asked hurriedly. "Is your shoulder-"

"So cruel." I shoved him off me. "Is Samir here?" I asked Artie as I entered the suite. He nodded, his face grim. "Send him up."

I took a seat on the couch, bringing my guise back to the surface. When Samir came in and presented me a set of ornate figurines made of carved ivory as a gift, I pretended to not be disgusted and gave him my thanks. We started discussing the expansion of our territories in Côte d'Ivoire, effectively dominating their shipping market, and I pretended to be invested while I relayed my strategy that would inevitably give us victory. When he kept honoring me and giving me assurances that he would carry out my vision flawlessly, I pretended to care about any of it. Another client came after Samir, wanting support for some frivolous scheme to dominate the drug trade in his country. And again, I promised him the world and pretended to want him when I asked he be mine in exchange, and again, he submitted. By the time it was all over and I could stop pretending, I was once again left wondering why I was doing any of this. Working. Profiting. Living. Enduring. What was the point?

"When I die, what will become of what we've built?" I asked Artie as I admired one of the figurines. It was of an elephant. How ironic. "Will you carry it on?"

"No," he replied. "You know my sentiments in the matter of your death."

I sighed. "Then who will take over? Kat can't function without a master."

"I was under the impression you were grooming Lady Georgiana to be your successor."

"Yes, but she's still far from competent." I tossed the figurine aside, letting it clatter against the carpet. "I thought I had more time to shape her but I need someone now."

"Why the urgency, Miss Lastor?" he asked warily.

I smiled, getting to my feet. "No reason. Just getting my affairs in order."

I headed to the stairs and unzipped my dress, stepping out of it and undoing my corset while I made my way to the pool. I discarded it before diving into the water, the cold temperature granting me relief.

I exhaled the excess air in my lungs and kicked my legs, pulling at the water as I swam down to the floor. In the depths of the water, I found release from myself, losing focus on anything but one purpose. To stay under as long as possible. It was just one fleeting purpose but it made me feel alive even as my body became numb from the cold.

When I surfaced, I noticed my guards along with Artie were standing near the edge of the pool and caught the relief ease through their stiff bodies at the sight of me drawing a breath. Ignoring their ever so watchful eye, I swam laps along the pool, only stopping when my muscles started to burn from the exertion and resting as I floated along the surface.

"You can speak," I said, keeping my eyes closed.

"What arrangements should I prepare for Prince Ambroise's request?" Artie promptly replied.

"Send over Sophie to investigate both Prince Ambroise and Prince Francoise," I mumbled, tilting my head back further. "Whichever one is more useful, we'll give the crown to."

"Prince Ambroise isn't the kind of man we should take lightly," he said with courteous disapproval. "You already have his submission. It's a waste to throw it away."

"Hmm... he's too defiant to be genuinely submissive in long term. When he gets sick of being told what to do, he'll rebel. I don't like the uncertainty of not knowing how." I straightened, swimming towards him and pulling myself out of the water. "Francoise is a better asset. He's stable and inconspicuous." He took a towel from a table, holding it open for me and I stepped forward, letting him wrap it around me. "And wouldn't it be fun to break something unbroken?"

He sighed, tucking the edges of the towel against my chest. "Your boredom is as devastating as always, Miss Lastor."

I smiled, closing the distance between us and tilting my head back to look up at him. "Have you caught wind of my suitors since Russia?" I asked. "When will they come for me?"

He pursed his lips. "I've acquired Yusupov's clients and have been monitoring their movements as you instructed but none of them show any similarities with the client you isolated. I don't expect seeing them through the markets either since Yusupov had recently delivered a large cache of products to them prior to our operation."

I smiled. "I see. So the next time they come, it will be with all they have." I wrung my hair, setting it over one shoulder. "And Jude hasn't reconsidered my offer?"

"No. His order to remain uninvolved stands. I have to insist we abide, Miss Lastor."

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. "We are. We're not doing anything."

"But you intend to."

I shrugged. "If they impress me."

He sighed. "It is not wise to test the council."

I smiled, resting the side of my head on his chest. "You worry too much, Art."

He touched my hair, his distress becoming more apparent. "We can fight and win a war against the family but not without sacrificing so many precious things you hold dear. I don't want you to suffer just to sate your boredom."

"Oh, Art," I murmured, grasping his hand. "There's no suffering in death."

"Has Frederick granted you death?" he asked frantically.

"No," I said, smiling faintly. "But I don't need permission to die for him."

"Why do you wish for death so badly?" he whispered helplessly, squeezing my hand. "You're happy with Frederick, aren't you?"

"I am, but so what?" I tilted my head. "Happiness, as wonderful as it is, is pointless. I'm nothing. Why does it matter if I'm happy?"

"Miss Lastor, you're not nothing," he insisted, the way everyone else always did.

I shook my head, pulling my hand away. "You don't understand," I said as I headed inside.

They didn't understand, what it was like to have lost the foundations of the identity that was made for me. Jude was my purpose and Father was my keeper. Everything I was belonged to them and the loss of them both left me with naught but a grief that refused to be eased as the half of my brother that remained with me brought me endless agony.

We were each other's halves, Jude and I. I was everything he needed and he was what I lived for. Our place in this world was beside each other, standing superior to the rest of them. We were each other's only equals, but I could no longer be any of that. Jude didn't need me anymore. I didn't have a place beside him anymore. I couldn't be his equal anymore. I was nothing.

I wish I could just die. I wish I could tear the world apart and make the ruins my grave. I wish I could rip my brother out of me and stop his haunting. I wish someone would come for Rick and threaten his life so greatly, I would have to die for him.

I wanted to scream. To beg. Someone. Anyone. Grant me mercy and kill me. If I can't be of use, spare me from this suffering of living a pointless life.