All Of Me (Book 3 of Lastor Series)

Chapter 9: Frederick

I huffed at every step as I jogged along the shore with Eminem's rapid spits booming in my ears, the coldness fogging my breath. Buster and Padme were running ahead of me, waiting for me at the edge before turning back with me to do another lap. My bodyguards had tapped out after ten laps and were sitting in the distance. I caught Gordon, the Head of my security, talking on the phone as I passed them. He got up and sidled up next to me while I kept my pace.

“What's up?” I asked as I removed one of my earbuds.

“It’s Miss Lastor.”

I stopped in my tracks, panting. “What happened?”

“She's having another episode.”

Episode. That's what they've taken to calling Angel's fits of self-destructive rage. Like she was a show. It's gotten more frequent these days, since she came back from Russia.

I turned on my heel, sprinting back to the mansion while they lagged behind with the dogs. The guards at the gate caught us approaching and had them open by the time we got to them. When I entered the foyer, I heard the screams and the sound of objects being thrown against the walls.

I ran up the stairs, finding Sawyer and Katrina outside the room Angel had made her studio. They were waiting, the way they always did, for her to become a threat to herself.

"You can go," I said before entering the room.

What I saw didn't surprise me. I had grown used to the destruction she wreaked whenever she became too frustrated with being unable to bring anything out that she deemed worth something. I didn't understand it. Every piece of music she's composed was beautiful to me but to her, they were all garbage.

She was tearing at the strings of the new guitar she'd bought just yesterday as she sat on the floor, surrounded by torn up sheets of yet another garbage music. I went to her, wrapping my arms around her and grasping her wrists when she started scratching at her chest. It was so painful, witnessing her suffering so much and being unable to do anything but give her temporary reprieve until it came again. Her pain never seemed to end and only ever grew.

"Ssshh. Breathe," I murmured, pressing my lips to her ear. "Focus on me. Use me. Take out everything until I'm all that's left."

She shifted to face me, wrapping her limbs around me and burying her face against my neck, taking deep breaths. I rocked us gently, reciting the poem she always used to subdue her panic attacks. When I felt her body relax, I lifted her up in my arms and carried her out to the pool. I set her down in the water and she went under, sitting on the floor for several minutes before surfacing with a gasp.

I went to sit by the patio and just watched her as she floated on her back in the surface, making sure she didn't fall asleep and drown again. The air was piercing cold against my skin and I had no doubt the water was worse off but she didn't seem bothered. She was like a nymph, drawn to still water and felt the most at peace when she was surrounded by it.

"It's getting worse," I heard Katrina say behind me.

I sighed. "Yeah."

She ambled on her crutch to take a seat on the chair next to me, folding a towel on her lap. "Has she told you about everything that happened in Russia?"

"You mean the mystery kidnappers? Yeah." I leaned back, spreading my legs. "What the hell is happening, Kat?"

"I don't know, neither does Arthur. Miss Lastor issued an order for us to not get involved, but I think she means it only for us. Not her."

"She's not going to entertain them, is she?" I asked dubiously.

Ever since leaving New York, she's been going after one thrill after the next. Last month, she'd granted a favor for someone that involved providing support for a militant uprising while also secretly supporting the government and left the country in ruins. Yet when she came home and I asked how the trip went, she claimed it was just 'fine'. Now, she had gone from manipulating a nation's security out of boredom to getting the s**t beaten out of her for kicks.

"She's expressed interest in them, though for now, she finds them too inferior to be worth her service." Katrina pursed her lips, her expressionless façade cracking just a bit to show her distress. "I always thought Master Jude was undeserving of her," she went on in a quiet voice. "She is clearly above him in many ways and for her to be his servant wasn't just unfair, it was preposterous. But I understand now. She can't live selfishly. She thrives when she is needed and when she's not, it destroys her." She sighed, her face grim. "This is that man's doing. He manipulated her mind and designed her to need others. He even made her truly believe she is nothing without him so now, she can't even bring herself to return to Master Jude because she finds herself unworthy of being by his side as an equal. The only consolation is she won't actively kill herself because of you."

"Is it enough though?" I asked, the heavy burden of being the one thing Angel would die for crushing me. "She's only alive because her death is reserved for me. What kind of life is that?"

"A pointless one."

I rubbed a palm down my face, nausea making my stomach turn. "This is not the woman I love," I spat, feeling angry that Anthony had taken so much of her with him to his grave. "It's insulting to her that she's been reduced to this."

"Then do something about it." She turned her head, bringing her gaze to me. "Give her what she needs."

I gritted my teeth, knowing what she meant. "No."

"Rick, she's suffering. She needs something to live for, let it be you," she pressed, keeping her voice low.

I sighed, shifting to rest the back of my head against my seat. "I saw what she was willing to do for Jude out of devotion to him. I can't let her do any of it for me." I glanced at her. "If you can bear that burden, ask her for it."

She looked at me as if I'd said something absurd but it was no less absurd than her asking me to make the woman I love my virtual slave.

"Do you think so lowly of Miss Lastor?" she spat. "So many want her for themselves. Not just as a woman, but as a-"

"I get it, I get it," I cut in, sighing. "She's an all-powerful, all-knowing goddess. You're just a mortal. Yeah."

She huffed, looking annoyed. "Miss Lastor is my master. To even suggest that I become hers is an insult to us both."

I chuckled lightly. "You really need to slow it down on the Kool-Aid, Kat."

"You're infuriating," she muttered, throwing the towel at my face as she stood. "She's scheduled to attend the Grand Prix in three weeks to support Lord Rafael and also meet prospective clients. Go with her because I can't."

"She doesn't want me around when she's working," I said, sighing as I folded up the towel. "And neither do I."

"The trip is three-days long. The Howards will be there, namely Lady Jacqueline, and she's bound to attract media attention. You need to keep her stable and focused, and alleviate her stress. Or do you want a repeat of what happened in Russia?"

I clenched my jaw. "I'll talk to my boss."

She shuffled back inside and I went to the pool, watching Angel lay there, looking so peaceful amidst the freezing cold water. I glanced at her guards who were watching from the sidelines. They've been more on guard than usual since they came back from Russia, though it seemed to be out of guilt than out of duty. Apparently, when they were attacked by the kidnappers targeting Angel, she basically had to handle defense, offense, and medical rescue for all of them on her own. Suffice to say if they weren't genuinely loyal to her before, they were now.

She wasn't just a package they had to protect anymore. I knew just from the mesmerized look in their eyes that she owned them now, entirely. I knew that look. I used to gawk at her that way before, when I wished for her so badly to be mine and was willing to do anything to be hers in return. I didn't mind them feeling that way about her. I wasn't threatened by it because I knew, even though they wanted her, they didn't have it in them to carry the burden that came with loving and being loved by her.

"How am I supposed to calm down when all of you are staring at me?" I heard Angel suddenly say, her eyes remaining closed.

I jutted my thumb behind me and they went inside. "They're gone."

She relaxed slightly, sighing. "Join me," she murmured. "The water's perfect."

I crouched down, touching the water with my fingers and grimacing as the coldness stung. "The water's deadly, baby."

"Exactly." She sighed. "It's perfect."

"You like the cold too much."

She chuckled, opening her eyes. "You always say that."

"Cuz it's true." I held out a hand, beckoning her. "Come on. I gotta shower and you owe me my morning blowjob."

She grinned, swimming towards me and grabbing my hand. I pulled her up, wrapping her in the towel before lifting her over my shoulder. When she laughed, I didn't realize I'd been carrying tension in my body until it was relieved by hearing her laughter. I had to make that last, as much for her as it was for me.

************

My day at the camp had been hectic, as always, but when I came home and was gobsmacked by the scent of Angel's cooking wafting from the kitchen, all the exhaustion went away and I was reminded that I had skipped lunch to handle the sudden influx of patients suffering from seasonal flu.

I followed the delicious aroma and the sound of Lebanese folk music playing, finding Angel whipping up a storm in the kitchen. It was wrong, to love this, because I knew, seeing the pots and pans on the stove top along with what seemed to be the entire pantry piled on the counter, that she was having an anxiety attack. But having her cooking obsessively was easier to handle and less painful to witness than the violent grief that consumed her whenever she couldn't keep herself distracted from her lack of purpose in life.

"You just gonna stand there or you gonna kiss me?" she muttered as she stood in front of the stove with her back to me.

It didn't freak me out anymore, her always knowing someone and who was in her vicinity without even sparing a glance. Though her senses must be on higher alert than usual, for her to discern me among the various smells in the kitchen. It was good though because it meant she was coping, but I also knew how exhausting it was for her to be on constant alert. My hunger would have to wait until I could ease her stress.

I went to her, wrapping an arm around her waist from behind and grasping her jaw with one hand. I pushed her head back, placing my lips on hers in a soft kiss. "Honey, I'm home," I whispered in a lilting voice.

She smiled, her body relaxing. "Welcome home, dear. Dinner's almost ready."

I chuckled, wrapping both arms around her as I buried my face in her hair. "Get into any trouble today?"

"How can I? The creeps won't leave me the f**k alone," she muttered as she went back to sautéing spices on the wok. "What about you? Save any lives today?"

"Here and there." I kissed the side of her neck, sighing. "Dr. Stein sends his regards, by the way."

She snorted. "Bet he's relieved he doesn't have to deal with me for a while."

"Well, it's probably distracting having you talk s**t at him across the operating table," I said as I inspected her healing shoulder.

"I only talk s**t when he's being a condescending ass," she grumbled, tossing up the spices in the air.

"If you weren't our boss' boss' boss' boss, you'd be so fired by now," I teased.

She snickered. "The few perks of having my name." The timer went off and she took it from the counter, turning it off before going to the oven. "Babe, move."

I shook my head, tightening my arms around her. "I like where I am." She giggled, making me flat stupid. "God, I love that sound more than the sound of you coming for me."

"Quit it before I f**k you on the floor," she said sharply as she bent down to take out the roast beef from the oven and setting it on the cooling rack. "Go wash up and set the table with the guys. I'm almost done here."

I glanced at the banquet laid out on the island. "We having a party I don't know about?"

She shrugged. "Just a thank you dinner. I've been a pain in the ass these days."

I rested my chin on top of her head as she went back to the stove, tossing cooked rice into the wok. "Do I have to be worried?"

"Nah. I'm coping with it today."

I cupped her jaw again, making her look at me. "Don't hide for a sec." She sighed, her guise falling away as her eyes visibly became unguarded and showing the turmoil inside her but it seemed like she was keeping it at bay. "I'll make it better later."

She smirked, slipping out her tongue and tracing my bottom lip. "You already are." She spun around, pushing me off her with her elbow. "Go or I will really f**k you on the floor."

I gave her a lopsided grin. "That isn't the threat you think it is, gorgeous."

She laughed and I kissed her, loving the sound of it. She slipped her hand under my shirt and I all but broke into chills at the feel of her touching my skin. Then my stomach grumbled, loudly, and she snapped her head back, laughing again.

"Alright, I gotta feed you before I can feed off you," she said wryly, slapping my ass. "Quickly, I'm starving for you."

"Jesus Christ," I muttered as my lower abdomen tightened. "Stop seducing me. I'm already a sure thing."

"Ah, you think I'm seducing you now?" she said as she went to tend to the wok. "Babe, you'll be out of your mind when I put on the charm."

I took in a steadying breath, knowing how unbearable she was whenever she actively embodied the seductress character. No matter how much I had gotten used to all the different versions of her, I was still just a man under her mercy when she wanted me to be.

She looked over her shoulder, her bright silver eyes glimmering with mischief. "Frederick, my love," she murmured, her purposely sensual voice feeling like a f*****g spell disarming me. "Go wash up and set the table."

I swallowed, shaking my head to gather my wits. "Devil's magic," I muttered as I headed out the kitchen with her laughter following me.

I took a quick shower and changed into a pair of sweats and a jumper. I went downstairs, setting the thermostat to a more reasonable degree instead of the arctic Angel had probably set it on again. I found a few of her guards and mine sitting in the living room with the dogs, watching a football game, and I told them to grab some tables from the shed and set it on the patio. Gordon kept glued to me, helping me with the plates and utensils. Angel called for us while we were finishing up and we went into the kitchen, taking all the platters of food and bringing them out. The guys looked mildly apprehensive, though evidently delighted, by the rare home cooked meal, and when Angel walked out with a large bowl of garlic rice, they all looked at me as if she had just brought us the slaughtered corpse of an infant to feast upon. I shrugged in response. Would they rather she hurt herself again?

"Can someone give these to the other guards at the gate?" Angel said as she fixed several plates with a portion from each dish.

Brody and Isaiah, members of my team, offered and took the plates. Angel went to fetch Katrina from her office and once everyone was seated, Javier said grace and we started digging in. Except for Angel who seemed content with just watching. The longer she stared at them, the more uncomfortable they became. And the more annoyed I got.

"Aran your eyes are like gold, they're so beautiful," Angel suddenly murmured. Aran choked on the chicken leg he was eating, thumping a fist against his chest. She poured him a glass of sweetened iced tea, smiling as she watched him drink it. "Now your eyes are turning a darker shade."

Yeah, because he was probably imagining dark things with her at the center.

It was unreasonable, even petty, to feel... annoyed... by her paying attention to other men, no matter how innocent it was. But she habitually ignored people so much that when she actually acknowledged them, it meant something. Even if I told myself that it was just a thing she does, an Angel thing, staring at people to remember them as a way to appreciate them because she was adorably weird like that, I was getting really... really f*****g annoyed.

I speared a piece of roast beef with my fork and grasped her chin, holding it to her mouth. She parted her lips, letting me feed her while she remained staring at them. Sauce dribbled down her chin and I leaned toward her, licking it off and purposely nipping at her skin. I felt her gaze sear me and when I chanced a glance, the pensive melancholy in her eyes was replaced by arousal.

I was petty and stupid and shameless and selfish, but what-f*****g-ever. I wanted to be the only guy whose eyes she thought were beautiful and stared at. Sue me.

"You marking your territory, babe?" she muttered wryly. I shrugged, settling back in my seat and carrying on eating. She chuckled as she chewed, taking a sip of water to chase it down. "Everyone knows you own my p***y so chill."

The guys choked and Carlo, one of my guards, snorted up the iced tea he was drinking. I rolled my eyes. "Stop messing around."

"I was just cherishing them," she defended playfully.

I licked the inside of my cheek, glancing at her. "You're sleeping alone tonight if you don't quit."

"I'll bunk with Jamie then. He smells like you."

The guy coughed up, spitting out grains of rice. She grinned, bringing her gaze to him. She'd mentioned she used him as a stand-in for me while they were in Russia. What the f**k that entailed, I did not ask for a clarification.

"Do you mind, sweetheart?" she asked.

He glanced warily at me, pursing his lips. I sighed, biting onto a slice of meat. "Now you're just pissing me off on purpose," I muttered in annoyance. "Cut it out."

"Make me."

I tore off a piece of bread, tossing it at her smug face. "Stop it. We're eating."

"I'd rather you eat me."

I sighed again. Great, now she was being cute and flirtatious. I should have just let her stare at them like a creep.

"Keep your eyes on me and I might," I quipped, playing along.

She giggled, propping her elbow on the table and resting the side of her head on her fist, her wicked eyes firmly on me. "All yours, babe."

I reached over, pinching her nose. "Eat."

She opened her mouth and I fed her a spoonful of rice and a slice of beef. "You taste better," she said as she chewed.

I snorted. "Shut up."

I reached over to feed her one of the other dishes but she grabbed the sleeve of my jumper instead, yanking me to her. I cursed, feeling her smiling as she pressed our lips together. I dropped the fork and grasped the back of her head, shifting to kiss her properly. The presence of other people around us was distracting but I ignored it and gave them a show as Angel got off her seat and settled herself on my lap, straddling either side of me. A phone suddenly rang and I heard Katrina cursing.

"Clear out," Angel snapped as she ripped off the sling from her right arm.

The command was followed by everyone getting to their feet and the sound of them clearing the table before marching inside the house. That always turned me on, witnessing her wield even just a sliver of her power. It more so had to do with the fact that for all of her power, I was probably one of her greatest weaknesses. To have me would be to have Angel's submission and it was both a terrifying responsibility, and an arousing fact for me.

"Get it off," she bit out, yanking at my jumper.

I chuckled, pulling it over my head and tossing it aside before kissing her again. The clash of iciness from her lips made for a spine chilling kiss that had me gripping her hips while she arched into me as if seeking heat, her cold hands clutching my shoulders. Out of habit, I traced a feather from the wings tattooed on her shoulders and felt her shiver as my fingers glided down her spine. I strayed my lips to her neck, biting a mouthful of her and earning a moan that drove me crazy. I held her tight to me, loving the feel of her against me. It reminded me that this was real and she was here. I touched her and kissed her everywhere just to be sure. The feel of her quickening pulse was convincing enough.

I stood, setting her on the table. "What do you want?" I asked, nipping at her earlobe.

“f**k me,” she replied, a hint of her natural accent slipping back into her tongue the way it always did whenever she was losing control. “-with your mouth.”

I drew my head back, feeling my body tense at having her icy stare on me. There were no reservations in her eyes, just carnal desire that had me dropping to my knees and worshipping her like the f*****g Queen that she was.

I stripped off her shorts and lifted her legs over my shoulders, placing breathless kisses on her p***y before delving my tongue into her as I opened her up with two fingers. She gripped fistfuls of my hair, watching me pleasure her, and I reveled in every sound she made, letting it guide me as I searched for every nerve ending that would become her undoing. I let my stubble rub against her sensitive skin, biting her inner thigh hard enough to ignite that dark passion inside her. It was an amazing thing, exploring my limits with her and finding that silver lining where we could meet, and ravage each other.

Her eyes were blazing with excitement as they darkened with that lust she had for pain. She was tethering too close to losing control but it didn’t scare me like it used to. It was a part of her, this darkness, and I’ve learned that helping her control it was better than suppressing it until it eventually broke out of her. She had demons that lived inside her, that fact only made me admire her more because I couldn’t imagine how hard it was to constantly be at war with herself and still continue to get up in the morning with genuinely good intentions for those around her.

“Just... like... that... babe,” she hissed, the heels of her feet pressing on my back for brace as she rocked her hips.

Her breathing grew labored and her grip on my hair became painful and I reciprocated, pushing up her camisole and dragging my nails down her chest while I sucked on her c**t and buried my fingers deeper into her. She came violently in feverish spurts and I drew back as her orgasm sprayed all over my chest. I wiped myself off with a napkin and stood, staring down at her as she laid before me. It was still the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen, Angel Lastor absolutely unguarded. She was a defensive person, constantly making conscious decisions on which emotion to show or outright using aggression to keep those around her at bay. But when she wasn’t doing any of that and she was in her simplest form, it was mesmerizing and I couldn’t help but fall in love with her all over again.

This woman... this beautiful, powerful, deadly, exciting, infuriating, and enigmatic woman... was mine. She was going to be my wife. She was going to be the mother of my children. She was going to be the woman I woke up to and fell asleep with for... f*****g ever. I was one lucky son of a b***h.

“No, no, no, wipe that look off your face,” she suddenly said, grasping my c**k through my sweats. “I don’t want lovey dovey right now. I want hardcore fucking.”

I hissed in a sharp breath when she tightened her grip. “Can’t help it. I’m crazy about you,” I rasped.

She groaned. “Put your heart away and f**k me like you hate me, you cheesy idiot.”

Gripping her hips, I pulled her up to her feet and turned her abruptly. I grasped her neck, bringing her back against my front and burying my nose in her hair.

“Piss me off,” I whispered.

I could almost feel her smile. “I met with my ex-lover in Russia to get his help with our op."

"I already know that."

"I wanted to f**k him and beat him into submission the way I used to," she went on, bringing her lips to my ear. "I got turned on just looking into his eyes and knowing I still owned him. I always will."

I took a deep breath, a sudden surge of jealous rage coming over me like I was on fire as an image of her with another man in a way I could never dare to manifested in my mind.

“You ready?” I asked, rubbing the tip of my c**k against her opening.

She tilted her head back, looking up at me with eyes lit with wickedness. “Give me your all, Blue Eyes.”

"Don't call me that," I hissed as I trust fully into her, rearing back with more force.

“Oh f**k yes,” she cried out, clinging onto my arm.

"Say it," I said breathlessly, hastening my pace. "Tell me you love me."

"I... love... you," she said in between gasps.

I let out a harsh breath, f*****g her harder. "I love you too. Can't f*****g wait to marry you."

"Yes, yes, yes!" she answered as she bucked against me.

"You're so beautiful, do you know that? How beautiful you are?" She groaned, reaching up to grasp the back of my head. I stopped moving, panting. "Say you're beautiful."

She groaned again. "You're beautiful."

I cupped her jaw, tilting her head back. "I know I am. Tell me you are."

She was panting just as hard as me, frustration making her eyes rage. "I'm f*****g beautiful. Happy?"

"Yes. You make me happy," I whispered, rolling my hips before drawing back and thrusting into her. She cursed, stumbling as she stood on the tip of her toes. "Happiest I've ever been. Dreamed of you for so many f*****g years. Ruined me for anyone else." I gripped her neck, burying my nose in her hair and breathing in the scent of strawberries. "I'm so f*****g in love with your passion, your crazy, your strawberry shampoo, your silver eyes, your morbid sense of humor, your vulgar mouth, your beguiling mind, your sexy body, your kind heart, your strength, and every f*****g thing about you," I reminded her, punctuating each claim with every thrust. "My beautiful, beautiful Angel. All mine."

"Yours," she countered.

"Always."

"Forever."

"No one else."

"No one else."

I pushed her down, gripping her hips and lifting her slightly. "Deep breaths," I kept saying as I f****d the breath out of her.