All Of Me (Book 3 of Lastor Series)

Chapter 7

After three days of observation, Katrina, Jamie, and Sawyer were cleared to travel. Jamie decided to do his rehabilitation in Beirut with Sawyer and would be joining the surveillance team at our residence while Sawyer would remain as my Head of Security, though on an administrative position. When we landed, we were met by the new guards Ben had sent to step in temporarily while the guys healed. I kept mindful of Jamie's request not to scare them too much.

"Miss Lastor," one of them greeted, approaching me. "Leonardo Rotti. I'll be your primary for the time being." He held out a hand between us and I swatted it away. He pursed his lips, lowering his hand. "Let me take your bag for you."

I leaned away when he reached for me and the guys moved, taking their positions. Sawyer ambled to his at my front in his crutch, managing to look intimidating despite his pitiful state. Leonardo Rotti took a step back.

"Please refrain from touching Miss Lastor," Sawyer said coolly.

"I... I'm sorry," he stammered.

"Why don't we head back? I'll debrief you."

He nodded, turning and leading the way to the SUVs waiting at the lot while we followed behind. I leaned to the side, looking over Sawyer's arm and surveying the vicinity.

"Where's Rick?" I asked.

"Dr. Richardson is back at the residence," Rotti replied, looking over Sawyer's shoulder. "He... uh... wanted me to say that... you..." I looked at him, arching a brow. He averted his gaze. "You can... comfort yourself."

"You mean f**k myself, hun?" He cleared his throat, nodding. I sighed. "Why is he being such an ass? I didn't do anything wrong." Katrina and the guys looked at me, eyeing me up and down. "What? My life was under threat. I just protected myself." They didn't respond. I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

We filed into the SUVs and rode back to Sidon. When we reached the mansion where we've been staying, I noticed there were more guards and cameras posted at the perimeter. Ben needed to chill the f**k up.

Rick was standing by the banister with Padme and Buster when we walked into the foyer. He didn't look as happy to see me as they did. Everyone shuffled off wordlessly, leaving me alone with him. Padme and Buster were jumping on me, barking to get my attention. I dropped my bag, scratching their ears and kissing them in greeting.

Rick whistled and they went to him. "Crate. Go," he ordered quietly, snapping his fingers.

They bounded down the hall, leaving me alone again. I sighed, walking past him and heading up the stairs when he just kept staring at me.

"Are you seriously walking away from me right now?"

I sighed again, turning to face him as I stood at the top of the stairs while he remained standing by the banister. "What do you want me to say, Rick?"

"I don't know. Maybe explain yourself?" he spat sarcastically.

"If I do, will it make a difference? Will it make you less angry?"

"Trust me, nothing can make me less angry right now," he spat as he came up the stairs.

"Exactly." I turned, heading to our bedroom. "So why should I bother explaining myself?"

"Because that's how relationships work!" he yelled back as he followed me inside.

I sighed, shrugging off my coat and hanging it behind the door. "Can we just skip to the part where we f**k and make up?"

"That's not how it works!"

I groaned. "God, sometimes I wish you would just..."

He arched a brow, taking a step forward. "What? I would just what?"

"Back off," I bit out, yanking off my left boot and throwing it aside. "You always want answers. You always want to talk. It's so f*****g annoying!"

"So I'm annoying for wanting us to communicate?"

"Oh my god, you're driving me crazy," I said in frustration, throwing my right boot aside.

"Don't give me all the credit, honey. You were already crazy when I got you," he spat back.

I lost it, grabbing the chair by the vanity and hurling it at him. He ducked, looking at me in the disbelief.

"You could have hit me!"

"I wanted to!"

"Yeah?" He closed the distance between us in two steps, grabbing my arm and pulling me close. "Do it again. Hit me. You get off on that, right?"

I pursed my lips, holding back my tears. "Babe, stop."

He glared, letting go of my arm. "No. Don't give me that. I'm not going to comfort you."

"Then f**k off!" I snapped, shoving him away. "I'm too tired for this s**t!"

"And you think I'm not?" he yelled back. "Look at yourself, Angel! You promised me you wouldn't do this anymore! Do you think it's fair to put me through this? It's not! I can deal with every s**t you throw at me! Hell, I've even accepted the fact that you make a living running a criminal organization! But I am not going to deal with you going around getting yourself beaten half to death for kicks!"

"You said I can fight to defend myself!" I argued in frustration.

"Oh my god, you're seriously trying to get out of this on a technicality?" He let out an incredulous laugh. "You know what? f**k this." He turned, heading to the door. "You're a grown ass woman. Do whatever you want."

"Fine! Here's your stupid ring back!" I yanked the ring off, throwing it at his feet. "f**k off!"

He picked up the ring from the floor, coming back to me. I shoved him away but he just grabbed the back of my head, pulling me to him and kissing me hard. I groaned, curling my fingers around his neck and digging my nails into his skin. He drew back, staring down at me with fury in his eyes.

"No one else," he bit out, pressing his forehead against mine. "Everything I want, there's no one else I want to share it with. So stop doing stupid s**t that will get you killed." He took my hand, slipping the ring back on my finger before heading back to the door. "Don't hurt yourself while I'm out."

"What the f**k?" I went after him, shoving him against the door when he was about to open it. "Who says s**t like that and leaves?"

"Get off me." He tried to pull open the door and I lifted a leg, stomping my boot on it. "I'm not f*****g this out with you," he bit out, keeping his head turned away.

"Then f**k me like you hate me," I urged, slipping my hand under his shirt.

He tensed, banging the back of his head against the door. "You just want pain."

"Yeah, but I want you too." I pressed my belly against his front as I angled my head, nipping lightly at the skin of his neck.

"I don't want you right now," he said, despite the fact that his arousal was straining against his shorts.

"You do," I murmured, lowering my leg and slipping my arm out of the sling. "Does it ever make you wonder? How it's still possible for you to lust after me even when you already have me?" I pushed down the thin straps of my dress and let it drop down to my ankles. "It's as if your body was made to be one with mine and you just have to have me. Even when you don't want to, you still want me." I brought his hand between my thighs and he let out a harsh breath, curling his hand into a fist to resist touching me. "You tell yourself it’s wrong, that it’s too much to want someone as much you want me but you just can’t fight it. It’s not just love. No, your love for me is kind and selfless but your desire for me is the exact opposite of that." I pressed my p***y against his knuckles, moaning as I elicited friction. "It’s raw. Destructive. Brutal. Absolute insanity. And right now, you don’t really love me. Right now, you want to punish me and f**k me into submission.” I lowered myself to my knees, clutching his thighs. "You have me at your mercy, my love. What do you wish?"

"Stop trying to seduce me. I'm pissed at you," he bit out, keeping his eyes on the ceiling.

"Doesn't make you want me less." I pulled down his shorts along with his briefs, sighing at the magnificent sight of his hard c**k throbbing for me. "In fact, it makes you want me more, doesn't it?"

I took his c**k in my hand, sliding my tongue up his length. He bit out a curse, his body freezing as he struggled to deny himself of his desires.

"We need to talk about this," he said, his breathing uneven. "You can't just-"

His words seized when I took him in my mouth and he was reduced to gasps and curses. I gave it my all, using every trick I knew until I sensed the telltale signs of his climax nearing. I drew my head back, rising to my feet. When he looked at me, I knew he was killing me in his head.

I went to the bed, crawling up to my knees. I caught his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard, his gaze raking over me as I shamelessly bore myself to him beyond physicality. After spending more than a week on constant guard, the relief of being at ease with him was more than just soothing. It was pretty f*****g arousing, to be as I truly was and see him still desire me, all of me, in spite of it.

"Frederick..." I whispered, sliding a hand between my thighs. "Be my everything."

He let out a breath, pressing his palm against his chest. "Mercy, baby."

I bit my lip, looking at him through hooded lids. "There's no mercy in my love, neither for you nor I." I extended my arm, holding out my hand to him. "Come revel in this merciless love and bury yourself within me until you are all that I have. Ruin me to your heart's content, my Frederick."

He tensed as a shiver wracked his torso, his breathing stuttering. "f**k. Stop messing around."

I snickered, no longer able to hold a straight face. He lunged at me, my laughter seizing as he captured my lips with his. I grasped his hips to steady myself, opening up for him and meeting him half way as his tongue sought mine. When I leaned forward to deepen the kiss, he drew back, pressing his forehead against mine as he reached a hand between my thighs.

"You're too f*****g unfair, you know that?" he uttered harshly as he cupped my p***y.

"And you're too easy."

"f**k you," he spat back, tearing off my panties with one pull.

He pushed me down before flipping me over and yanking me to my knees abruptly. I giggled, gasping when he slapped my ass. Hard. I clutched the edges of the mattress, my hands gripping them tightly when I felt his heavy breaths against my center. He placed soft kisses on my p***y before delving his tongue into me. I moaned loudly, shameless in my lust as I reveled in the pleasure he was generously providing. The rough feel of his stubble rubbing against my sensitive skin had me bowing my back, the pain in my healing shoulder only amplifying the intensity of the pleasure. It was almost too much and I tried moved away, unable to stand the endless teasing of his tongue. When he bit my thigh so hard I knew he tore skin, I came as a mirage of pleasure and pain wracked my body.

“f**k… yes,” I hissed in satisfaction.

He pushed two fingers into me, the vulgar sound of my wetness and his frantic touch bringing me closer to another climax with rough strokes. I started writhing, struggling to keep myself up and my legs shaking as pressure continued to build within me. I gave into it, crying out obscenities in my mother tongue as fluid gushed out of me.

"Goddamn," I panted out, collapsing. "I really missed you."

Slowly, he kissed his way up my back, wrapping my hair in his hand and yanking me up. "Don't scream so loud," he whispered in my ear. "The guys are downstairs."

I tilted my head slightly, biting at the skin of his jaw. "All those men are listening to you make me yours. How many of them do you think wish I'm theirs instead?"

"Stop pissing me off on purpose."

I didn’t have the luxury to anticipate it when he drove himself into me, his brutal thrusts leaving me breathless and at his mercy. He brought out all his fury in each thrust, driving me into a paroxysm of pain and pleasure. I tilted my head back, wanting to see him. He wrapped a hand around my throat, squeezing while his eyes remained trained on mine, gauging my reaction. I grinned before closing my eyes, letting him consume me as aggression made way for pleasure. I arched my back, hips pushing against his as he whispered unintelligible words with a sense of urgency.

I was panting, muscles aching as every movement came with assiduous effort. He pushed me down, shifting and driving into me deeper. He suddenly brought his palm down my ass, the pain electrifying my entire body with mind numbing pleasure. Moaning, I begged for more and he obliged mercilessly, his thrusts never faltering at each smack. I was losing myself in our tryst, my body contorting in feverish bursts as I came around him, words of affirmation spilling into the air.

Without pause, he flipped me on my back and entered me again. He wrapped his arms around me, hands reaching to hold my shoulders for brace. As he brought me to another climax, I started getting dizzy as my lungs reached the brink of collapse. He followed almost immediately, pulling me up and holding me tightly as he emptied himself into me. Pressed against each other, rage turned to calm satisfaction.

"I'm sorry," I panted. "For throwing the chair and stuff."

"I'm sorry for calling you a psychotic bitch."

"You didn't call me a psychotic bitch."

"Oh. I must have just thought it."

I slapped his back and he chuckled, getting off the bed with me in his arms. He headed into the bathroom, stepping into the tub and laying me on him. He turned on the faucets and I sighed as the cold gradually eased into my body.

"I'm still pissed at you," he mumbled, stroking my back.

"I know."

"You understand why, right?"

I nodded. "I broke my promise."

He sighed, cupping my cheek. "Every time you go away, I never know if you'll come back to me the same way as you left or if you'll be able to come back at all," he said, brushing his thumb against a cut on my eyebrow. "But this is what I accepted when I asked you to share a life with me and all I can do is trust you'll keep your promises. You promised not to seek this kind of pain anymore but when an opportunity came for you to get around that promise, you went ahead and didn't care what it would do to you, me, and our future. And you expect me to just live with it." He held either side of my head, his anguish so visible. "Baby, I can't. Don't make me."

I let out a harsh breath, grasping his wrists. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "No, you're not."

I bit my lip, slipping my fingers through his hair as I shifted to straddle him. "I won't do it again."

He sighed. "I can't believe that anymore."

"Tell me how to fix this then," I pressed. "What do you want me to do, hm?"

"I just want you to come back to me," he whispered, tears brimming the edges of his eyes.

"I'm here, babe," I whispered back. "I'm right here."

He let out a shaky breath, pursing his lips. "You're not. You haven't been with me ever since we left New York," he said, crying. "I look at you but I don't see you. I touch you but I don't feel you. The only time I know you're with me is when I'm making love to you but then when it's over, you're gone again. It's like I've lost you and no matter what I do, I can't get you back to me."

I pressed my forehead to his, closing my eyes. "I didn't think it would be so hard, to live for myself," I said, the void inside of me seemingly sucking in more pieces of me. "I try. Every day, I try but I still can't see why nothing is worth living for. There's no point to my existence so why do I live? Why do I try? Why do I struggle?" I opened my eyes, letting my tears fall. "I don't understand. It doesn't make sense, living for myself. I'm nothing. There's no reason for me so why do I have to do it? If there's a reason, what is it? Why can't I see it? How can people bear with living such pointless lives to begin with?"

He let out a breath, wrapping his arms around me and pressing my face against his chest. I waited for him to say something, to answer me, to tell me why I was worth living for, but he didn't. He just held me as if being in his arms could make the rest of my pointless life worth living. I wish it could. I really did.