My Brother's Best Friend

First Night With Ben

The alcohol in my system was leaving and taking its warmth with it. I curled up on the left side watching the scene in superbad where the one nerd character is trying to buy alcohol. I laugh to myself and it brings me back to watching the movie with Matthew. He loved the name McLovin which was on the nerds fake id. Without being able to control myself, tears started streaming down my face. I missed him.

“Hey, whoa wants wrong?” Ben said. He pulled my chin up with his two fingers.

“Sometimes it just hits me, I am sorry.” I managed to get out. “Drinking probably didn’t help it, I can see how girls can be emotional drunks. Tonight I just miss him.” I said. I felt like calling out my embarrassing moment would make this less embarrassing.

“You don’t have to apologize for being sad about it. It’s not like it has been that long. I can’t imagine how things feel. I was by Caleb’s side last year and I still don’t know what to say in these situations but I do know you do not have to be sorry. I feel that it is good and strong to let it out.” Ben said. At that moment, scooted into him. I nuzzled my face into his warm chest. He wrapped his arms around me and let me sob.

After some time passed I wanted the burning in my chest to go away. I lifted my head and my lips found his in the dark. The movie was still playing in the background but it was nearing the end. I started kissing him. I could taste the salt from the tear residue on my face. He kissed me back and I could tell he was being gentle. I pushed into him harder, I wrapped my arms around his neck and moved my chest into his. I tangled my legs with his, his hands moved down my side and I pulled him on top of me. Feeling the burning ache in my chest leaves and longing replaced it. I never knew what it felt like to be ready for s*x, but it felt like I was. I needed to feel better and it felt like taking that step would help.

Ben’s hands moved down to my waist, I moaned into his mouth and opened my legs so he could be between them. I could feel him getting hard through his boxers and Pushed myself up against it. When I played this situation out in my mind when I was younger and thought about those things. I had a fear I wouldn’t know what to do, but it seemed my body knew exactly what to do. Ben moved his lips to my neck and I ran my hand through his sandy hair. His lips were making their way down to my chest.

Loud muffled moaning came through the wall. Ben stopped what he was doing and rolled next to me. Confused, I turned on my side towards him. “We shouldn’t be doing this”. Ben said. Sadness and a small amount of guilt took over my emotions. The muffled moaning sounded almost like a fake porno. “That’s one of my roommates, sorry he has a different girl he brings home every night and I am the lucky one to share a wall with him. He is on the team as well.” I sat quietly not knowing what to say.

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked

“No, I just think we should take things slow. At least until your brother calms down.”

Slow, I could do slow. I just don’t know what that all entails. The movie credits started and Ben turned the tv off. I turned the other way and closed my eye. Ben pulled me into him, my back against his chest. I smiled.

I woke up to light coming through the window. Ben still was wrapped around me. Worried I had morning breath I quietly got out of his arms and made my way to his bathroom. I rinsed my mouth out and looked in the mirror. My eyes were puffy from crying last night. I cupped my hands in the cold water and washed it over my face. I then crawled back into bed. Ben stirred and started stretching, again he pulled me into him and kissed my forehead. “Good Morning,” He said.

“Morning”

“How did you sleep?” He asked.

“I slept ok.” He put his arm around me and started playing with my hair. Wanting to see if I can figure out what slow meant, I kissed him. I moved closer to him, so slow meant we could kiss. I was learning.

The door swung open. Ben pushed me away from him. “Lucy, I am going to take you and Hailey home”. Caleb said. He didn’t look happy.

“I am sorry Caleb, I can drive her home” Ben said get up and putting his jeans on. “No, I think I need to have a conversation with Lucy.”

I didn’t understand why he was so mad. How was what I was doing any different than what he was doing? Caleb left, but left the door open. Ben walked over to the door. “This is what I was trying to avoid,” He said.

“I’m sorry, I had no idea he would be like this.” I put Caleb’s sweatshirt back on, put my shoes on and grabbed my backpack.

“You should go down and meet them. I'll text you later, ok?” Said Ben.