Save Me

Five - Ethan

Flint and Isla have dumped their bags just inside the front door and I can hear him questioning Mrs. James about Thea, probably in the kitchen. I roll my eyes. f*****g great. I can't f*****g listen to this. Mr. James follows me through the front door.

"You coming in son?" he says nodding to the kitchen. 

"Ha. I'm not getting into the middle of that s**t storm." I chuckled, "I'm just going to dump my stuff in my room and then I'll be down." I placed my hand on the banister.

"I can't say I blame you." He chuckles back at me. "You know there was a time where you were willing to rip a guys throat out for just looking at Thea." He was serious as he stopped to look at me. I felt my whole body sigh. f**k.

"And who says I don't want to rip that Brody limb from limb?" My voice was strong, but even I could feel the cracks in it.

"But you are willing to restrain yourself, in order for her to be happy. You are being the better man." His voice showed no emotion, just stating a fact.

"I have no f*****g clue what you are talking about," I replied raising my eyebrow. 

"Sure you do. I saw you clenching your fists back at the airport. I saw you freeze in the back of the car. More importantly, I see how you look at Thea." His eyes never left mine, but I still couldn't read his face. f**k. If he knows then who f*****g else knows. Is it really that f*****g obvious. 

"Nope, sorry Sir, not a clue." I turn and began walking up the stairs. I'm f*****g screwed.

"Between you and me Ethan. I know." halfway up the stairs I turn and look at him. "I know you push people away, I know things changed for you two years ago and I know you pushed Thea away. I know you don't feel like you deserve love. But we are here Ethan. We love you. Flaws and all." my mouth was dry. He was right, as f*****g usual. 

"You guys are the only family I have..." I paused "And I'm trying my f*****g best not to screw that up too." and with that, I turned around and walked up the remaining stairs. I am so f*****g screwed. I turned left once I reached the landing, walking past Flint's bedroom door, then Thea's. I paused. I could hear her pacing back and forth behind the closed door. Argh! I can't be here. I walk straight past her door and open the last door at the end of the hall. My room hasn't changed in the 5 years since I left for college. As promised Mrs. James left it untouched, so I always had a place to call home. I hurled my bag into the room, with it landing with a thud on my bed. I sighed and spun around leaving my bedroom door open behind me. I better go and brace myself for the s**t storm currently happening in the kitchen. And I instantly regretted it.

"Dude, tell me you are as pissed as me right?" The moment my foot crossed the threshold Flint pounced on me. I looked around the room, Mr. and Mrs. James standing behind the Kitchen island looking more stressed then I thought necessary, Isla sat at the Breakfast bench keeping out of the firing line and Flint, stood right in front of me, hands-on hip. I need to f*****g keep it together right now. "Well?"

"Pissed about what exactly?" I raised my eyebrow.

"The fact that our little sister has a f**k buddy, who is clearly a Grade-A Jack-ass!"

"Do I like the idea of Thea having a casual relationship with some guy? Absolutely not. But Thea ain't my sister and in case you hadn't notice, Little Thea ain't Little Thea anymore. I respect her enough, to make her own decisions and come to us if she needs us. I haven't been home in 2 years, I cant tell her how to live her life." And with that I walked over to the fridge, grabbing a can of soda and exited the kitchen through the back doors. f**k. Should I have put up a 'Big Brother' front? I strolled over to the patio seating and slouched down in the chair. Have I really just screwed this up? I haven't been home for more than four hours and I've potentially f****d everything up already. I could still hear Flint and his parents arguing in the kitchen. I cracked the can of soda and took a long swig before placing it on the ground between my feet. A curvy figure rushed past me dressed in all black and bee-lined straight for the trees at the end of the garden. I stood up to follow her before a hand gripped my arm. I spun around to see Mrs. James.

"She's going for a run." Her words were soft.

"A run?" I replied raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, she has a rope ladder secured at the top of the Clifftop, she lowers it to the beach and goes for a run when she needs to think." She looked pain, and I couldn't understand why. "Let's go and order dinner, we can put a portion aside for her." I returned my gaze to the end of the garden, this place still felt like home, but somehow so much has changed. I placed my free hand on top of hers and walked her back to the kitchen. The atmosphere was tense in the kitchen and I knew Flint was still outraged but seriously, in all honesty, he had no room to talk, neither did I. Between us we had f****d every girl in our year group and the one below when we were 18. 

Our first meal home was spent under an awkward atmosphere, although Flint was acting in a civilized manner, largely to do with the fact that it was Isla's first night in the James household, we all knew he was far from dropping his argument. Isla fueled the conversation at the table by talking about herself, her family, her studies, and in return asking questions about the James'. I, however, sat in silence, nodding in the appropriate places, and injecting a sentence when required. As I finished my last piece, I collected the trash and took it to the counter, throwing away the rubbish and pilling some chicken wings into a tray. Mrs. James stood next to me, throwing her own rubbish away and piling some extra chicken wings into the tray.

"She shouldn't be too much longer if you wanted to take that out to her." her voice was low, just above a whisper. Oh, f**k. Just exactly how many people know and why the f**k haven't I been kicked out yet. It was a f*****g mistake coming home. My head spun around the kitchen. Flint and Isla had disappeared. "Go on," she said nudging me.

Before thinking about it I took the tray of chicken wings and walked to the end of the garden. What the f**k am I doing? Why can't I keep away from her? I spent two years at college, purposefully not coming home during the holidays to keep my distance, and yet, here I am. Home for a day I can't seem to keep my s**t together. I jump the wall and move forward into the grass. I slumped myself down, looking at the pink sky. I used to love finding Thea here when she was upset. I didn't love that Thea was upset. But getting to sit here, with her, and know that she could talk to me, they were some of the best moments in my sad and pathetic life. 

A muffled sound of music disrupted my memories, and I noticed the rope that was pinned into the grass some feet in front of me was pulled tight and shifting as if someone was moving it. And then a dark silhouette hoisted themselves up onto the Clifftop framed by the pink setting sky. With her back to me, she dropped the rope ladder to the ground and unplugged her earphones. 

"I forgot how nice the view was here" Her head whipped round to face mine. 

"What are you doing out here?" she spat at me, and I couldn't help but feel hurt by it.

"Sour much?" I tried to hide the hurt, "I thought you may be hungry, so I ordered an extra portion of chicken wings, you always used to nick mine." I chuckled to myself again reliving the memory.

"I'm sorry, it's not you that I'm mad at." She sank into the spot next to me "Thanks for the chicken."

"Your welcome Sunshine." 

She ate her chicken wing and I let her in silence. I just gazed out at the Sunset, loving the fact that I could just sit here with her. 

"What no lecture like Mr. Judgmental in there?" She questioned. I turned my head to meet her dark velvet eyes. I felt my jaw clench at the sight of her. She was a hot f*****g mess. f**k how I wanted to kiss her right there and then. But that's not what she asked me. My thoughts sifted through the different ways to tell her exactly what I thought. THIS AINT YOUR f*****g PLACE DUDE. Right, she wasn't mine, she would never be mine. 

"Do I like the idea of you dating that Brody? No. Do I like the idea of you f*****g him? Hell No." I tried to be honest but diplomatic, I knew she would never be my Thea, but I still needed her in my life. "But I am also very aware that none of this is my business, I have no right to care about any of it, nor do I want to know about any of it." Maybe if she knew I didn't want the details she wouldn't torture me with them. I don't need to f*****g know what she gets up to in the bedroom. f**k Ethan. Stop! Wait, did the happiness in those dark eyes just fade a little, I swear I almost saw her sigh. f**k Ethan. Just stop it. I decided it best to change the topic. "What I do want to know, is where has my Little Sunshine gone?" 

"What do you mean I am right here," she stated matter of factly as she picked up another chicken wing. 

"Oh trust me I can see this Goddess of a woman who sits in front of me," I winked at her. Wait what the f**k? Seriously Ethan! Change the direction of this conversation now! "But where has the sensitive soul gone, that worried about pleasing everyone else at the cost of her own happiness. I'm not sure I've seen that Thea since coming home" I thought I was complimenting her new-found confidence which makes her super hot.

"Well, I'm sorry I haven't lived up to your expectations, but maybe, just maybe I thought that I deserve to have some happiness and fun of my own for a change, instead of being the doormat that everyone walks over." She spat back at me, throwing the remainder of her chicken wing back into the box, before storming back to the house. What the f**k? s**t did I just upset her? f**k Ethan, when are you going to learn to just back the f**k off.