March 14
An entire day has passed without coke. The cycle is funny. That one day of rest makes all the difference in the world. It puts me almost back to square one. I say almost because my nose is still runny and I have a throbbing headache, which I know is from the clogged sinuses.
And the craving, like a little quiet mouse, is creeping back. The craving thoughts are so primitive they use pictures rather than words to induce the allure, the need, the want…whatever you want to call it. Primitive because it comes to me only in the occasional image, not in words, not in a goal. I see myself leaning over with the straw in my hand. I see myself emptying the ground-up coke on the coffee table. I see myself sitting back on the couch, fortified by three fat white lines, lighting a cigarette an
