Echoed Steps - ON HOLD

Chapter One

“Where’s your pack? Why are you here alone?” Halle asked.

“That is a long story, fy nghariad (my love),” Deryn replied as he laced his fingers with hers.

“We have time.”

“Fine, but let’s have a whiskey while I tell it.”

Halle smiled, wrapped the sheet around herself and plodded off to the kitchen of Deryn’s cabin.

Deryn sighed, his journey to Rhos Du had not been an easy one. Even though Halle was his mate – his fated, his beloved, he did not trust easily and had never shared his story with anyone.

When Halle returned, somehow holding the whiskey bottle, two glasses and the sheet up, she poured them two fingers of the amber liquid each and curled up in the wingback chair by the fire.

The glow from the flames illuminated Halle’s wild golden hair and, wrapped in the white bedsheet she looked positively angelic. Deryn smiled, grateful to have been blessed with such a strong, beautiful wife. He took a sip of whiskey, his lips pulling back over his teeth as he hissed at the burn of the first sip and tore his eyes away from his mate. He remained silent for a moment while he contemplated how to start his story, and Halle watched on patiently.

“I was born into a good pack, up in Cae Helyg, near Glyn Ceiriog…”

•º•º•º•

Deryn had grown up in the Pecyn Lleuad Helyg- the Willow Moon Pack. His father was lead warrior, not that the pack ever really needed warriors. Rogue attacks were rare, and the pack lands were tucked out of the way enough that the land protected them.

Deryn had, in his opinion, a perfect childhood. Two loving parents in an idyllic pack. He and the other pups grew up playing in the forest and learning what it took to be a warrior. His family never really had much to do with the Alpha family; the heir was seven years younger than Deryn, and Deryn’s parents weren’t part of the inner circle.

The little family were just happy going along with the flow, maintaining their place in the pack and contributing to the betterment of it. Deryn did relatively well in school, he made good friends and looked forward to receiving his wolf.

Deryn would spend summer evenings training with his father, learning the ancient combat forms passed down through generations of pack warriors. His father’s strong hands guiding his stance, teaching him not just how to fight, but when to show mercy. “A warrior protects,” his father would say, "he doesn't seek glory in violence.”

His mother had been the pack’s historian, keeper of their stories and traditions. Every night, she would tell him tales of great wolf warriors, of the goddess Arianhod’s blessing, and of the sacred bond between wolf and human spirit. So many times, he had fallen asleep to her gentle voice, dreaming of the day his own wolf would emerge.

•º•º•º•

Halle smiled, imagining telling stories to their own pups as they drifted off to sleep.

Deryn caught her dreamy smile, “What are you thinking?”

“Just imagining us having pups someday,” she grinned. Her wolf, Elowen, wagged her tail happily in Halle’s mind as Deryn returned her smile before continuing his story.

“Anyway, I would lay in bed at night counting down the days until I got my wolf. I was so excited for that day. Though, had I known it would be ‘Vor I’m not sure I’d have been as excited,” Deryn laughed.

“Easy now human, I’m just as stuck with you!”

“Then the night came for my first shift,” Deryn continued. “It was the night of the Hunter’s Moon: which that year fell in late October. It was cold, and I was the only wolf from our pack shifting that night. I had hoped to have met my mate so she could be present to help me through the pain of a first shift…”

“But it turns out she was in Cornwall training to kill a dragon,” Halle smirked, Deryn and playfully stuck out his tongue in response and sipped his whiskey then continued his story.

“So, I took my place on the stage, waited for the moon to peak, and got down on all fours…”

•º•º•º•

At first nothing happened, and Deryn felt the weight of the entire pack's eyes on him as they all stood in awkward silence. His father had told him he’d hear his wolf before he shifted, but much like around him, inside his head was also silent. Deryn looked to the sky, sending a silent prayer to Arianhod that she had not forgotten him.

He watched as the wispy clouds rolled past the shining silver orb in the sky, waiting, aching for something to happen. Deryn looked to his parents; his father frowned, and his mother absentmindedly chewed on her thumbnail, nervous for her only child. There had not been a wolfless pack member at Lleuad Helyg in over 100 years, and the last one had died an outcast. It was understandable his mother was concerned.

•º•º•º•

“There was another wolfless one before me – Ieuan.” Deryn's jaw tightened. “The elders didn't speak of him much, but the pups... we made up stories. Cruel stories. We’d dare each other to visit his old cottage at the edge of the packlands, throw stones at the windows. I was one of them, Halle. One of the cruel ones.

“And, stood on that stage, I regretted it all... When nothing happened on that stage...” Deryn's voice cracked. “It wasn’t just failure. It was like... like everything I thought I was, everything I was meant to be, just... shattered. I could feel it in my bones – the silence where my wolf should have been. Could see it in my father’s eyes – not disappointment, something worse. Panic, and pity.”

Halle leaned forward in her chair, the sheet slipping slightly from her shoulder. Her eyes, warm and patient, gave him the courage to continue.

•º•º•º•

After around fifteen minutes of anxious pacing on the stage, the peak of the moon had long since passed and the Alpha, Aled, stepped on to the stage, his expression a mix of concern and sympathy. Deryn felt his stomach twist at the look on his Alpha’s face. Alpha Aled clapped a hand on Deryn’s shoulder.

“Deryn, there’s no shame in being wolfless, we won’t treat you the way Ieuan was treated all those years ago. We’ve moved on to more civilised times. You can still be a valuable member of this pack.”

•º•º•º•

“Are you alright?” Halle interrupted. She saw the shift in Deryn’s body language and heard the way his voice wavered slightly. Deryn took another sip of whiskey to steady himself. The amber liquid couldn’t wash away the memories, but it helped to dull their sharp edges.

“I’m fine cariad, (love)” Deryn smiled and continued with his tale. Halle rose from her chair and moved to sit at his feet, one hand resting on his knee. The touch anchored him to the present, even as he dove deeper into the past. The fire crackled, sending shadows dancing across the cabin walls. Deryn reached down and tangled his fingers in Halle's wild hair, drawing strength from her presence. “Where was I? Oh, yes, the world felt like it was collapsing around me. The idea of being wolfless…”

•º•º•º•

Deryn felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. He knew his Alpha was only being kind, but the thought of being wolfless after preparing for his wolf all his life– it was too much to bear. Without replying to Alpha Aled, Deryn took off into the forest. His lungs burned in his chest, sucking in deep gulps of the cold October night as his legs pumped, taking him further and further away from his family, from his pack, from the stares.

Deryn ran without a thought for where he was going until he came to a moss-carpeted clearing. The gap in the canopy above allowed the silvery light of the Hunter’s Moon to illuminate the space almost as bright as day. The place felt almost sacred; such was its ethereal beauty under the moonlight. Deryn stopped and sank to his knees. What had gone wrong? Where was his wolf? Had the goddess forgotten him?

“Beth ddylwn i ei wneud nawr?” (What do I do now?) he said to himself in despair.

The clearing was silent and still. Specks of tree debris danced in the moonlight and drifted down to the ground. Deryn watched, entranced, as a hazel leaf slowly fell at the centre, its descent so slow and smooth it almost appeared to be being controlled by an outside force.

Deryn’s trance was broken when he heard a loud and obnoxious yawn. He jumped to his feet, immediately on alert but half expecting his father or his alpha to appear in the treeline.

But no one materialised.

The silence rang in his ears.

•º•º•º•

“It was so bloody quiet in that clearing,” Deryn’s voice quietened as he walked through the memory. “When I ran that night...” He took a shuddering breath. “I wasn’t just running from the ceremony. I was running from every story my mother had ever told me, every lesson my father had taught me, every dream I’d ever had. I was running from myself.” His voice dropped to barely a whisper. “And that's when everything changed…”

•º•º•º•

Deryn remained on alert, staring around the clearing, looking for the source of the yawn. There was no one and nothing. He strained his ears, wondering if it had been another wolf or maybe a bear.

His ears buzzed in the silence, making up for the absence of sound. The quietude was unrelenting, the stillness unnerving.

And that’s when he heard it.

“Oh no I overslept!”

•º•º•º•

Halle burst out laughing. Deryn’s blue eyes flashed as Gwynfor surged forward.

“What’s so funny?” he growled.

“You might be the only wolf I’ve heard of who wasn’t poised and ready to meet their human counterpart!” Halle said, wiping the tears from her eyes as she clutched her stomach. “Only you Gwynfor,” she chuckled as Gwynfor grumbled and retreated.

Deryn grinned, seeing why his mate would find it so funny and enjoying the sound of her laughter. Once her laughter had reduced to little giggles, he continued.

•º•º•º•

“Who’s there?!” Deryn called.

Silence.

“I said, who’s there? Show yourself!”

"Could you stop yelling please? I just woke up."

“Who are you?” Deryn demanded, but he made sure his tone was at least a little quieter.

"I’m your wolf. My name is Gwynfor, but you can call me ‘Vor.”

“M-My wolf? You’re actually here?”

"Well, yes and no. I’m here in your mind. But I’m not physically present. At least not until you complete the shift."

Deryn was dumbfounded. He had prepared his entire life to receive his wolf, to become a full member of the pack. And now the moment was here, his wolf had arrived late and half asleep, and Deryn had no idea what to say.

"You could start with ‘hello’."

“Umm, hello?”

"Hello! So, this is awkward I know because I kind of missed my moment, but we still need to shift to complete the pairing, so, if you wouldn’t mind…"

“Oh, yes, of course! What do you need me to do?”

"Well, if you get on all fours, it might be easier."

Deryn dutifully dropped into a crawl position and waited. “What now?”

"Try to empty your mind, imagine going into a back room…"

Deryn did as he was told. Closing his eyes he visualised walking through a door and did his best to relax as much as he could. After a few moments Deryn felt a prickle in his skin; a prickle that became a burn over every inch of skin.

He wanted to claw his skin off.

The seconds ticked by and each one felt like an hour as blistering agony tore through every fibre of his being.

He felt his bones c***k, elongate and rearrange. The torture was immense, and Deryn cried out in agony, only the sound he heard was not his own screams but an echoing howl.

And then suddenly it was over. Deryn found himself standing on four legs, his nose twitching with a thousand new scents that had previously been invisible to him.

“There! That wasn't so bad, was it?” Vor’s voice sounded cheerful in his mind.

“Not so bad?!” Deryn attempted to say, but it came out as a series of yips and growls.

“Ah, right. You need to think your words to me. We're sharing a mind now.”

“THAT FELT LIKE I WAS BEING TURNED INSIDE OUT!” Deryn thought with as much anger as he could muster.

“Alright, alright. No need to shout, I’m right here. And yes, the first shift is always the worst. Should have warned you about that I suppose. Sorry. But look on the bright side – you have a wolf! A very handsome one, I might add...”

Deryn felt the strange sensation of his body being piloted by someone else. Someone who had only read a manual on how wolves move. His paws seemed to trip over themselves as he attempted to take a dignified step forward.

“What’s happening? Why can’t we walk properly?” Deryn thought frantically.

“Well, you see,” Vor’s voice hesitated, “It’s been a long time since I had a corporeal form, and I’m a little rusty…”

Gwynfor attempted to sit down and nearly toppled over, his wolf body moving with all the grace of a drunken sailor.

“I’d say rusty is an understatement,” Deryn thought.

“I heard that.”

A rabbit watched from the edge of the clearing, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

“Oh, look! Dinner!” Vor thought excitedly.

Deryn felt his body lunge forward without his permission, paws scrabbling awkwardly against the forest floor. The rabbit didn't even bother to run, merely sidling a few inches to the left as Gwynfor’s form crashed face-first into a bush.

“Perhaps we should start with something slower?” Deryn suggested. “A sleeping hedgehog, maybe? Or an elderly tortoise?”

“Har har… I am a dignified wolf I’ll have you know.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I’m fine now, watch,” Gwynfor declared.

For the next fifteen minutes, the clearing was witness to the most ungainly wolf performance in pack history. Gwynfor practiced walking, sitting, and what he insisted was “the dignified wolf trot” but looked more like a chicken with an inner ear problem.

“Enough of this!” Deryn announced. “I want to go back to the pack and show them I’m not wolfless!”

“Ah yes, well, there’s something else you should know before we do...”