Ember

20 - Is that all I am now?

Marco

“Ember, can we have your autograph?” A group of girls waves a paper and pen at Ember over the safety barrier.

I chuckle at how frantic they are about getting Ember’s attention. Fans, both male and female, mobbed us as soon as we left the venue to return to the bus. Matt warned us that people were gathering in wait to meet us and to make sure we showed our appreciation.

I’ve signed so many shirts, books, magazines, and even chests that I’m getting a cramp in my hand. Don’t get me started on the photographs I’ve taken with people. Almost every person I’ve spoken to asked whether or not Ember and I are a couple. I neither confirmed nor denied; I just laughed the question off each time. I know I should deny it before it becomes a rumor we can’t shake.

But the fact remains that I am already falling for Ember, and I don’t know how to stop myself. I should put the band first and push my feelings for Ember away, but it’s hard. It isn’t just physical, though most would be skeptical; it’s more than that. I know we’ve spoken about things, Ember and me. I know she’s not ready for a relationship yet, but that won’t stop me from wanting just that with her.

What the actual fuc.k has gotten into you, Marco?

“That was awesome!” Saint yells as soon as we’re on the tour bus.

“You guys did it, and you were brilliant!” Hannah bounces on her heels and reaches for Colin. He scoops her up and walks her to their room, and I shake my head and chuckle. That’s the last we’ll see of those two tonight.

Matt suddenly appears out of nowhere. “We’re leaving in ninety minutes. Go sow your wild oats or whatever, but be back here in time to leave because we’re waiting for no one.” Then he’s gone again.

“Well, we’ve got offers, so see ya!” Bob and Saint make to leave.

“Oh,” Saint turns to me. “There’s a tight little thing waiting out here for you. And you,” He turns to Ember. “Nate wants you to meet him on his bus. He said, and I quote, ‘Tell Ember not to keep me waiting. Tell her that I’m going to fuc.k the shi.t out of her, and show her what a real man is,’ He’s got some balls, I’ll tell you that,”

I grind my teeth in anger. I shouldn’t feel like this, and it has nothing to do with Nate wanting Ember and everything to do with her wanting him. I don’t know for sure that Ember wants to be with Nate, but there’s always a chance. She told me at the party, though, that he gave her the creeps.

“Excuse me?!” Ember jumps out of her seat and slams her hands on her hips. “Go back out there and tell that piece of shi.t that he has no chance! I do not now, nor will I ever want him to touch me in any way! He’s vile and should stick to groupies!”

Saint laughs loudly. “Whatever you say, babe,” Then he’s gone.

Ember folds her arms around herself and mumbles, “Is that all I am now, a piece of meat? Good for nothing more than a quick fuc.k with every musician that comes my way?” Ember turns to look at me when I touch her arm. She looks so sad, and I have the urge to punch out anyone who ever hurt her.

“You are not a piece of meat, Ember. You’re a beautiful woman who, sadly, men like Nate will hit on. Nate Rigby is scum, and he thinks the world should bow down to him. You are worth so much more than a man like that, Ember.”

Ember stares at me for a long moment, and the magnet pull is strong. I know what we said to each other at the party, but I can’t stop what I’m feeling.

“You’ll be late for your friend.” She swallows hard when I cup her cheek in my hand.

“What friend?” We’re so close that I can almost feel her body tremble.

“The girl who wants you to show her the night of her life.”

“There’s only one girl I want, Ember.”

It’s too late to stop this; I’ve already pressed my mouth to Ember’s. She kisses me back just as passionately. It’s like we’re in our own world, yet I can feel her hands in my hair and her body against mine. If I died right now, I’d die the happiest man on earth.

Ember pulls away from me, and I groan. Christ, I would have kissed her all night long.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” Ember looks mortified as she touches her lips with her fingertips.

I’m such a bastard. Ember told me that she needed a friend. She’s not ready for anything more, and I’ve gone and kissed her. I’ve messed with her head, and God only knows when she’ll move past this. But I can’t deny that I want the girl more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my life. She’s messing with my head without even knowing what she’s doing.

“Maybe not, but I won’t apologize for wanting you the way I do.”

Ember takes a deep breath, and I see the determination in her eyes. “You’re no better than Nate. All you want is to get into my pants. Once you’ve got what you want, you’ll drop me like yesterday’s news!”

I push my hands into the pockets of my jeans.

After the kiss we just shared, the sparks I know we both felt, now she wants to tarnish me with Nate’s brush?

“You only want me,” Ember continues. “Because I won’t give it up easily. I’m a challenge and all men like a challenge. I’m not a game for you to play, Marco! I will not be one of your whore.s!”

I take a step back because I feel like she just slapped me full force. I understand why Ember is saying these things. It’s not like she doesn’t know the reputation I brought upon myself. She doesn’t know how I’m slowly changing, though I thought she would have noticed at the party when I said no to the drugs and women on offer.

What more am I meant to do to prove to Ember that I’m not the man she has me down for?

“First off, I do not think you’re a challenge, Ember. I don’t think you’re a game nor a whor.e. I think you’re the most amazing woman I have ever met,”

Ember blinks, and I watch her throat work to swallow the lump stuck in it.

“The day you called me out on my behavior was the day I decided that I didn’t need drugs and women to feel good. I didn’t need to use them as a distraction from my past. I don’t know why, but something you said struck a chord with me. I haven’t touched drugs or women since that day, Ember.”

Ember raises a skeptical eyebrow.

“I am many things, Ember, but I’m not a liar. As for wanting to get into your pants, any man with a heartbeat would want that,” She rolls her eyes at me. “Listen to me. I know you believe I want you for one night, but…” I give a sigh of frustration while running my fingers through my hair.

“But what, Marco?”

“That’s not all I want you for,” I drop my ass on the couch and roll my neck. “I know this is gonna sound crazy, but hear me out,” Ember nods her head slowly while sitting in the chair opposite me. “Ever since I laid eyes on you, something shifted inside me. I just want to be near you all the time. Not in a creepy way, but you calm the demons inside of me. No one has ever been able to do that.

“If friendship is all you ever want from me, then I’d be okay with that. But I won’t lie to you, Ember; if I could make you mine right now, I’d do it. You felt the pull between us when we kissed. Tell me I’m wrong, and I’ll never mention it again.”

Ember looks down at her entwined hands, resting in her lap for a moment. She takes a deep breath before looking at me, and my stomach is turning over with nerves.

What the fuc.k do I have to be nervous about?

“Yes, I felt those things, Marco. I could sit here and tell you I want more than friendship, but I won’t.” I don’t say anything, even though I want to tell Ember all the reasons why we’d be so good together. “I won’t because it wouldn’t be fair to you. I’m fresh out of a six-month relationship that didn’t end well and left me scarred.

“If you and I were to be together now, I wouldn’t be giving you the best of me, Marco. I need time to heal so that I can move on from what happened. You deserve better than a woman who could only give you half of herself right now. Please understand,”

I don’t know what Toby did to hurt Ember, but I assume it wasn’t a simple argument about her joining the band. Whatever that man did to Ember has hurt her so deeply, and I wonder if she’ll ever be able to get over it. I wish I knew how to help her through this.

Be her friend, Marco, as she asked you to be. Don’t push your feelings onto Ember; just be there for her. You know what it feels like to be hurt by someone you thought loved you. That’s how you help Ember move on, by being there for her when she needs you.

“I do understand, Ember. You need time, and that’s okay. If you ever want to talk about anything at all, then I’m always here.”

“Thank you,” Ember smiles before walking away from me.

I lean back in my seat and close my eyes. I have to put this thing with Ember behind me; the band has to be my main focus. We have three months of touring to get through, a contract to sign, an album to record, interviews to get through, and photoshoots coming up. The list goes on and on, and I can’t make things complicated for everyone. I won’t be the weak link. I will help take the band to the top if it’s the last thing I do.