Ember

22 - Calling home

Ember

I lean back against the side of the building and take a deep breath. I’m hidden from the world around me because this place is smack in the middle of nowhere. It feels nice to take a few minutes to myself. Christ knows we don’t get many of those these days.

I have to figure out what to do about Matt. I can’t let him continue to bully me the way he has been. That’s what he’s doing to me boils down to - bullying. In the days of old, if something like this happened, I’d call Lydia. I can’t do that now, but there is someone I can call.

I take my cell from my back pocket and call Jessie. “Hey!” She laughs down the line.

Jessie is three years younger than me, but we’ve always been close.

“Hey, honey, how’s things?”

“Good. You know things never change much around here. Enough about me,” I shake my head with a smile on my face. “What’s it like out there on the road with those hotties?”

“It’s good, Jess. The guys are all nice, and we get along well enough. It’s busy, though, and we barely get five minutes to ourselves. We’re just finishing up a photo shoot for a magazine.”

“We’ll be seeing you on billboards next,” Jessie chuckles excitedly.

We chat back and forth for a while, talking about anything and everything. However, Jessie is more interested in what’s going on with me than anything else. I hadn’t realized just how much I missed Jessie until I called. Life on the road is tough, long hours and little sleep. It doesn’t leave much time for phone calls home. But I need to make time; I don’t want my family to think I’ve forgotten them now that I’m on my way to stardom.

“You are okay, aren’t you, Em?”

“Of course, I am. I love it out here, and all this freedom.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

I close my eyes and drop my head back against the wall. I don’t want to talk about Lydia and Toby; I’m just not ready. There’s still so much resentment inside me for the two of them. It won’t feel like this forever, but it does right now. Besides, I can’t let anyone know the truth; there would be too many questions. Not to mention, Toby would end up dead.

I hate you for what you did to me, but I still love you, Lydia.

“How is everyone there?”

Jessie does what Jessie always does and changes the subject happily. “Everyone is good, Em, you know us.”

“I do.” I chuckle.

Everyone is usually in good form if the club isn’t going through a heap of trouble. People rarely complain about mundane things in life.

“Has your mom called you yet?” Jessie asks.

“Not in the past few days. I mean, she called me yesterday, but I was unable to answer. I’ve been so busy that by the time I’m done for the day, I’m asleep. Why is something wrong?”

My stomach drops when Jessica fails to answer right away. My mind starts running away with me, and all I can think is that something is wrong with my brother. I’m suddenly scared to death that Eagle’s childhood illness is back. Even though he was two when it happened, I can still remember how sick he was and how my parents cried because they thought they’d lose him.

My brother toddled into my room one night and climbed into my bed. I was four years old, yet I knew he needed me. I wrapped my arms around him and promised that he’d be better soon. I noticed my mom and dad watching us from the doorway as baby Michael said, ‘My love you, Member,’ He couldn’t say my name correctly until he was three and a half, but it never occurred to me to mind. I told him how much I loved him, and he snuggled into me and soon fell asleep.

“Jessie, please tell me that Eagle is okay,”

For over twenty-one years, we’ve all prayed that Michael would stay healthy. He has a weak immune system, so every sniffle, every cough had us all on the edge of our seats in case it turned out to be something worse. It drove my brother crazy, but we love him and want him to be healthy.

“Of course, he’s okay, Ember,” I close my eyes and let go of the scared breath I was holding. “I just thought Aunt Nova would have told you about Lydia and Toby. But you said yourself that you hadn’t answered her calls.”

I don’t want to know about my ex-best friend and my ex-boyfriend. I know Jessie is going to tell me that they’re together now, but I don’t care to hear it. They didn’t waste much time before telling people.

Even though I don’t want to hear about the cheating rats, I can’t help myself asking, “What about them?”

“Uncle Draven told my dad, yours, and Uncle Hammer that Toby and Lydia are together.” I knew that it was coming. “Naturally, your dad was spitting mad. He said that Toby and Lydia must have been cheating on you for months.”

My heart slams into my throat.

Were Toby and Lydia so stupid to think people wouldn’t catch onto what happened?

Regardless, I have to steer people away from such thoughts. My dad can be an incredibly dangerous man when pissed off. It runs in the family because his brother is worse!

“They didn’t cheat on me, Jessie.”

Jessie sighs audibly. “You can tell yourself that all you want, Ember, but it’s pretty obvious they did.”

“How do you work that out?” I squint my eyes, even though Jessie can’t see me.

“From the fact, Lydia is three months pregnant, and they’re getting married. You have been gone less than two months, so if they didn’t cheat on you, how’s the baby Toby’s?”

I close my eyes and breathe back the urge to cry.

What more proof do I need that my best friend betrayed me for months?

Not only that, but I’m trying to protect the two of them from something people have already worked out. I’m lying to save them, but not once have they thought about me. They haven’t owned up and told the truth to take the weight off my shoulders. They’re spineless, and I’m the i***t protecting them.

“They love each other, Jessie,”

“That’s all well and good, but they hurt you, Ember! Uncle Tank is so angry. He doesn’t give a damn about anything other than killing Toby for hurting you.”

I close my eyes and shake my head. This is not good at all. I can’t let my dad hurt Toby, even if he does deserve a slap to two for what he did. If my dad hurts Toby, he’ll hurt Lydia, and I can’t have that. Yes, I know, I shouldn’t care, but I do, and I can’t help it.

“Jessie, what did or didn’t happen no longer matters. I’m happy, so why shouldn’t Lydia be happy?” Jessica sighs dramatically. “I know what you’re thinking, Jessie, but Lydia is our family, and she doesn’t deserve to be hurt.”

“Oh, but you do?”

I rub my hand over the back of my neck. I notice Colin watching me, and he mouths that it’s time to go. I nod while holding my finger up for him to wait a moment. He nods his head and walks away.

“Look, Jessie, whatever happened did so. Nothing will change that now. Toby wasn’t the one for me. My life has taken a different turn, and I’m happy. Hurting Toby will destroy Lydia, and I don’t want that. I know everyone is probably angry with her right now, but please, don’t let anyone do anything that would hurt Lydia.”

“I can’t believe you,” Jessie sighs. “Why do you always have to be so nice, Ember?”

I chuckle. “I was born this way. I have to go now; we’re about to leave for our next stop. I’ll call again soon. I love you, Jess,”

“I love you, too. Take care out there.” Jessie is not happy with what I said, but that’s just too bad.

I end the call and send my dad a text while walking to the bus. I don’t have time to call him now, nor do I have the privacy.

Me: Daddy, Jessie told me about Lydia and Toby. I know you’re angry, but I don’t want you to do anything that would hurt Lydia. She’s pregnant, Daddy, and that baby needs its father. I know you love me and want to protect me from everything that has or could hurt me, and I love you for it. But please, for me, don’t do anything.

Dad: Noted.

That is all I get back from my dad.

I get to my room, drop down on my bed, and scrub my hands over my face. I don’t know what my dad means by what he said; I only hope it means that he’ll leave things alone.

I shower quickly, change into something more comfortable, and crawl into bed. There are so many things rushing through my head right now. There are so many questions I’ll never get the answers to. I’m such a fool, and I feel so used. I’m not even angry any longer; I’m just sad. I’ve tried to keep it all inside since I found out, and I’ve been pretending that I’m okay. But I’m not okay. I am so far from okay right now. I have to let this out. I will never be free unless I purge my soul of this poison. I am happy for Lydia and Toby, really, I am, but the tears fall freely from my eyes. The guys can party on board the bus while I cry this out of me.