Ember

18 - Being honest with him

Ember

I look at either side of me, ensuring no one is watching. They aren’t, so I grab Marco’s hand and drag him into the bathroom.

He chuckles while locking the door. “The bathroom? Really?”

“I didn’t bring you in here for that, Marco.”

Marco stops smiling and slides his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Then what did you bring me in here for, Ember?”

“Because I need to be honest with you, Marco.” He nods his head for me to continue. “I think it’s pretty obvious that you and I are attracted to one another,”

Marco smirks, and I roll my eyes to ward off the need to slap that smirk off his face.

“Right now, all I want is to kiss you and have you make me feel…” I stop, sigh, and fold my arms around myself.

“Ember, I can give you whatever you want and need, but you’re with someone. As much as I want you, I couldn’t do that to someone.”

My heart starts to beat loudly in my ears. After being cheated on, what Marco said means everything. It does because I can see he’s been honest. After all, the truth shines in his eyes.

“I’m not with anyone, Marco. Toby and I ended things the day I called you guys and accepted your offer. The reason why doesn’t matter; the point is, I’m single. However, if you and I were to sleep together right now, it would ruin everything with the band. This is my dream, and I won’t do anything to jeopardize that before we’ve even begun.”

Marco steps toward me, and I’m praying he doesn’t touch me. There’s only so much I can take before I crack, and I can’t crack.

“I would never do anything that would put you in an awkward position, Ember. We have a mutual dream,” He winks at me, and I smile because I can’t help it. “You’re important to Dun’s Dungeon, Ember. Whatever you want to do is fine with me.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I don’t believe, for one second, that Marco would try and force something between us, but it’s good to hear that we’re on the same page.

I open my eyes and smile at Marco. “What I really need right now is a friend. Someone on my side, someone who’ll be there for me when I need them, the way I’ll be there for them.”

I want that because I realize I lost that when I lost Lydia. In the past, we were inseparable. No matter what, we were always there for each other. Whatever the reason, big or small, Lydia was my rock. I know I’ll never again have a best friend like Lydia, but I don't want one if I’m being honest with myself. She turned out to be the worst kind of friend.

Colin is my friend, but Hannah hates me. That witch will keep Colin away from me as much as possible because she thinks he wants to sleep with me. He doesn’t, Hannah is just paranoid. I don’t know what kind of relationship they have, but one without trust will never last.

I don’t know Bob and Saint all that well, but I know we’re becoming friends. I don’t really know Marco, but maybe this connection between us is that of a close friendship. I hope so, at least.

Marco smiles at me and taps my jaw with his knuckles. It makes me laugh because my dad used to do the same things. “If a friend is what you need, then a friend is what I’ll be.” He winks before wrapping his arms around me.

I gasp and swallow hard before slowly wrapping my arms around his back. I close my eyes and breathe in his scent. Marco smells good, and my body aches to feel his touch, but I won’t give in. Marco is my friend, and I need that now more than ever.

****

I kick my shoes off the second I close my hotel room door. Christ, my feet ache! I never was one to wear heels, but they were necessary for this dress. It’s only just past midnight, but the sight of people freely snorting lines of cocaine and women in their underwear falling all over the place is not my scene.

Seeing Bob on the couch with a naked woman full of him as she rode him was not the visual I wanted. God, I think I threw up in my mouth! I don’t care who sleeps with who. I don’t even care where and when they do it.

But in a room full of partygoers?

With others watching?

Not my scene!

Colin and Hannah were apparently in one of the rooms fuckin.g. Saint was in the kitchen area with two scantily clad women hanging off of him. I had to roll my eyes because he’s as bad as Bob.

Marco was deep in conversation with a group of men I’d never seen before. I’m unsure if Marco had taken any drugs tonight, but I hadn’t seen him with any women. Just because I hadn’t seen him with anyone doesn’t mean he didn’t sneak off and have some fun. Maybe Marco waited for me to leave before doing a bunch of groupies in the bathroom. Either way, it’s not my place to tell any of them what to do and when. All is good as long as they don’t give Dun’s Dungeon a bad name.

I jump in the shower and groan as the hot water pounds down on my aching body. I wash the smell of cigarette smoke out of my hair and get out. It doesn’t take me long to get dressed and blow dry my hair. I climb into bed and lie there, thinking about life back home.

What would I be doing now?

Sleeping or writing songs?

I chuckle to myself because some things never change. I get out of bed and search through my bag for my lyric book. I have a song rushing around my head, and I need to get it out.

* * *

Christ knows what time it was when I eventually fell asleep. I do know that I woke up too early. I’m exhausted, but we have rehearsal today ahead of the live show tomorrow. I must admit that it finally hit me when I stepped out on that stage that this was real. My stomach was tight with nerves and excitement—anyone who says they’re not nervous before their first live gig is a liar.

We’re on our second round of songs, dancing, and instrument checks, and I’m not far from killing someone. Matt has given us shi.t from the moment I opened my mouth to sing. According to Matt, I’m not loud enough nor energetic enough, and I don’t even look like a woman. My breasts are too small, my hair shouldn’t be in a bun, and I’m sweating too much.

He’s trying to knock my confidence, and to a degree, it’s working. I still have too many emotions rushing through me after Toby and Lydia, and Matt is feeding on that. I know I shouldn’t let him get to me, nor should I let him make me feel bad about myself, but it’s not easy, even when I tell him to go fuc.k himself. He’s always on my case and has been since the moment he met me.

The pig even picked fault when he saw me eating breakfast this morning. ‘Eating white bread is bad for a woman’s body,’ he told me as I took a bite of my toast. ‘Christ knows what you shove down your throat every day, Ember, but you should slow down,’ I didn’t even blink as I stared at him. ‘I do know that you’re gonna end up too big to fit on the bus.’ He laughed and walked away from me before I could snap out of it and smash his face in!

I don’t know why, but that hurt me. I’m not a big woman. Hell, I’m smaller than Hannah. Not that it should matter if I were a big girl, but in this industry, I know that it matters. However, I keep fit because I use the gym and will go while on tour. Each hotel that has one, at least. I also do yoga and Pilates. I may not always eat the right food, but I’ll eat what I damn well want.

I’m not going to change who I am just because one man doesn’t like the look of me. I won’t change the way I eat or the way I dress, and I certainly will not have a damn boob job! I may not have been blessed with the biggest pair of beasts in the world, but I’ve never had any complaints.

Colin caught one of Matt’s comments and threatened to break his neck. I told him to leave it. Matt isn’t worth the problems it would cause the band if I brought up his attitude with them. No, I’ll deal with it in my own way.

Marco and I sing the last chorus of Fallen Cambridge, one of Marco’s original songs. The song is beautiful, and I can hear the pain Marco is still feeling when he sings it. Finally, the set comes to an end, and I can’t take the smile off my face as Nate and his band, along with the tech guys, applaud loudly.

“That was amazing!” Nate yells between his hands.

I look at Marco, and he winks at me.

Colin comes closer. “Tomorrow’s the night, and I’d say we’re ready!” Then he hugs me.

I am so excited that I might pee myself!