Ember

27 - How do I make him understand?

Ember

“Was he good?”

My heart drops to my stomach, and I swallow hard. I knew Caren and Hannah would tell the others where I’d been and what they believed I’d done. What I didn’t realize was how it would affect Marco.

I know Marco has feelings for me; it’s not like he’s kept it much of a secret from me. But I didn’t think about that when I went to see Nate. The only thing going through my mind was stopping him.

“Marco,”

“How could you sleep with him? You know that I care about you,”

I look at my hands and breathe deeply. I feel guilty about what I did, even more so because Marco is this upset.

“I changed so much about myself for you.”

“I never asked you to do that, Marco.”

I would never ask anyone to change for me, just as I wouldn’t change for anyone. I can see why Marco would think that way, though, when I banged on about him sleeping around and taking drugs. I only said those things because I believed he was better than all of that.

“You never have to change who you are for anyone, Marco, least of all me.”

Marco drunkenly reaches over and takes my hand in his. “You didn’t have to go to him, Ember.” His words are starting to sound slurred, but he’s not so far gone that I can’t understand him. “I would have fixed everything. I would never have let him hurt you.”

I swallow back my emotions. “I know you think that, Marco. But the truth is that if I hadn’t done what I did, Nate would have done something to tarnish the band’s name. If that happened, it could have ruined everything you, Colin, Saint, and Bob have worked so hard for, Marco.”

Marco strokes his thumb over the back of my hand. “People talk, Ember. Others lie, and some write stories. There will be others like Nate, but at the end of the day, nothing can ruin us unless we let it.”

I stare into Marco’s eyes and wish I had his optimism. “All of that is true,” I nod my head. “But this is all new to us, Marco. Nate has been in the industry for years, and he knows all the tricks. The asshole knows how to play up to the camera and how to play the victim.”

“I don’t care about anything but you. I want you safe, but you didn’t trust me,”

“Marco,” I sigh. “I do trust you, but I wanted to protect you.”

How do I explain this to a drunken man so that he’ll understand?

“I doubt any of this is going in right now, is it?”

Marco looks at me with bloodshot eyes, and his body is swaying a little. “Why did you sleep with him? It hurts, Ember.”

I sigh while putting my hand to his face. Marco leans into my touch with his eyes closed. “Marco, listen to me,” He looks at me, but I can’t tell if he’s really hearing me right now. But I’ll tell him anyway. “I didn’t sleep with Nate Rigby.”

“You didn’t?”

I shake my head. “No, sweetheart. I never had any intention of sleeping with Nate. Tomorrow, when you’re sober, I’ll tell you what happened and why.”

Marco brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. He keeps his eyes downcast as I stroke the back of his head. “It hurt thinking you’d been with him when I’m falling for you so hard.”

I’m suddenly frozen, and I don’t know what to say or do. Marco means a lot to me, but I’m not ready to hear how he feels about me yet.

“You need to sleep off this alcohol.”

Marco lifts his head and smiles slightly. “It’s okay that you don’t feel the same. I’ve told you before that it’s okay that you’re not ready to move on, Ember. I didn’t mean to blurt out my feelings; just blame the drink.” He laughs, but I don’t.

I’m not going to sit here and dismiss Marco’s feelings. However, I don’t think now is the right time to get into that conversation.

Marco’s head falls to my shoulder with a groan. A different kind of emotion fills me as I kiss his head. I smile to myself and cradle the man who loves me. This is crazy. I shouldn’t be falling for anyone so soon after Toby. But I can’t help it; Marco makes me feel something no one else ever has. I can deny it to myself, but it won’t make these feelings go away.

So much has happened today, and I’m exhausted. Marco is asleep in my arms, and I hope his dreams are good. I smile while laying Marco down on the couch, making sure his head hits the cushion gently. I then fetch a blanket from my room and drape it over Marco. Here’s where he’ll have to sleep tonight. There’s no way I could get him to his bedroom, and I don’t want to wake Bob and Saint.

I crouch down beside Marco and gently push his dark hair out of his eyes. He’s so devastatingly handsome, even in sleep. Marco has fast become my best friend in the time we’ve known each other. He’s always there for me when I need someone to lean on, and I do the same for him. I don’t know what I would have done without his friendship over the past couple of months.

Marco makes me laugh, and he helps take my mind off so many things. He also sits with me, and we write songs together. We bounce off each other, and we have a bond that cannot be severed. Marco has also helped me move forward and not look back so much, even if he doesn’t know it.

I’m no longer obsessing over Lydia and Toby and what they did to me. Marco helped me realize that nothing was my fault. No matter if Lydia and Toby were in love when he and I met, one of them should have told me in the beginning. They didn’t, and that’s on them. It no longer hurts as much as it once did, and the anger is gone.

Marco was right; anger doesn’t belong here anymore. I have so much to look forward to, and nothing is holding me back. I smile to myself. I don’t know where I’d be right now if I hadn’t joined Dun’s Dungeon. These guys saved me, and I’ll be forever grateful for that.

I know Colin and the others have warned both Marco and me about what could happen should we sleep together. But I believe there is so much more going on than the need to sleep with one another. I’ve been trying so hard to deny what I feel because I thought it was too soon, meaning what I felt couldn’t be true.

But how can it be untrue when my heart beats faster when Marco looks at me?

When I’m with Marco, everything seems right. I feel so safe with him, and I just want to be near him all the time. I smile because he smiles, and if I’m honest, hearing Marco say that he’s falling hard for me made me realize that’s precisely what’s happening to me.

If Marco and I decide to take a chance and be together, the others won’t understand. It could cause problems, but I know Marco and I could make us work. There’s a lot to think about, but that can wait until tomorrow.

I lean over and plant a soft kiss on Marco’s lips. I then whisper in his ear, “I’m falling hard for you, too.” I get to my feet and startle to see Hannah standing in front of me with her arms folded and her eyebrow raised.

Shi.t!!