Chapter 17
1406 Words
KJ drove away from Amber's house without turning on the music.
Usually, the first thing he did when he got into his car was connect his phone and let something play through the speakers.
Not tonight.
The streets were quiet, the glow from the streetlights sliding across his windshield as he drove.
His hands stayed firmly on the steering wheel. His mind was somewhere else.
Amber.
He could still see her face. The way she'd looked at him when he pulled the gun from underneath the seat. The way her voice had shaken when she begged him to roll the windows down. The way she'd looked at him afterward.
Like she didn't know who was sitting beside her anymore.
KJ exhaled slowly.
"Fuck."
He hated that.
Not because she had been scared of the situation. Anybody with sense would've been scared.
He hated that she had been scared of the world he came from. And maybe, just maybe, scared of him.
He had been trying to take his time with Amber. That alone was unusual for him.
KJ wasn't used to moving slowly.
Normally, if he wanted a woman, he made it obvious. He flirted, pushed the conversation forward, made his intentions known.
There wasn't much guessing involved.
But Amber had been different.
She was different.
He didn't want to scare her away.
He wanted to actually get to know her.
He wanted her to trust him.
Two weeks.
It had only been two weeks, but somehow he'd already started looking forward to seeing her.
Her little smiles.
The way she tried to hide when she was nervous.
The way she'd roll her eyes whenever he teased her.
He smiled faintly.
Then the smile disappeared.
What if tonight changed everything?
What if she woke up tomorrow and decided she wanted nothing to do with him?
KJ wouldn't blame her.
Truthfully, he knew she didn't belong anywhere near the things he had grown accustomed to.
He had spent years separating his worlds.
There was KJ at work.
The man with a regular schedule.
A paycheck.
Responsibilities.
The man who could clock in, do his job, joke with coworkers, and go home like everybody else.
Then there was the other KJ.
The one who had grown up around people who didn't always make their money legally.
The one who had watched older guys in his neighborhood turn to the streets because they didn't see many other ways out.
The one who learned early that respect could sometimes mean keeping your mouth shut and your eyes open.
Weed was everywhere growing up.
So were drugs. So were people connected to crews and gangs.
He'd seen fights turn serious. Seen people disappear from the neighborhood.
Seen friends make choices that changed their lives.
And somewhere along the way, KJ became comfortable around things most people stayed far away from. He wasn't proud of every decision he'd made.
But he wasn't going to pretend they hadn't shaped him.
He had a regular job now.
A 9-to-5.
But that didn't erase the rest.
He still sold drugs on the side.
Still knew people who operated outside the law.
Still street-raced when the opportunity came around.
The adrenaline. The money.
The reputation.
It was a life he knew how to navigate.
A life where danger didn't always announce itself.
Tonight had reminded him of that.
And Amber had been sitting right beside him.
KJ tightened his grip on the steering wheel.
"Damn."
He hadn't meant for her to see that side of him so soon.
Maybe he should've been more careful.
Maybe he should've taken her somewhere else.
Maybe he shouldn't have had a weapon sitting under the seat.
But that was the thing about his life.
He couldn't always turn it off.
He could put on his work clothes.
Go to his job.
Come home.
Talk to Amber.
Laugh with her.
But he couldn't erase everything that came with being KJ.
He eventually turned into a familiar apartment complex.
He wasn't ready to go home yet.
His phone was already in his hand before he parked.
He called Poppy. His best friend.
The call lasted less than a minute.
"Yo."
"Where you at?"
"Home."
"I'm pulling up."
Poppy laughed.
"You always pulling up."
"Open the door."
"Man, aight."
KJ grabbed his phone and stepped out.
⸻
Poppy opened the door wearing basketball shorts and a white T-shirt.
He looked at KJ's face and immediately frowned.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing."
"Boy, don't come in here lying."
KJ walked inside.
The apartment smelled like weed before the door even closed behind him.
Poppy grabbed two drinks from the refrigerator and tossed one toward KJ.
KJ caught it.
They sat in the living room.
For a few minutes, neither said much.
Then Poppy looked over.
"So what's going on?"
KJ leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
"You remember Amber?"
Poppy smirked.
"Your little innocent girl?"
KJ gave him a look.
"Don't call her that."
Poppy laughed.
"See? That's how I know you like her."
KJ shook his head.
"I do."
Poppy's expression changed.
"Damn. You serious?"
"Yeah."
"You actually like this girl?"
"Yeah."
Poppy leaned back.
"Okay. What's she do?"
"Nothing."
"Then why you looking like somebody died?"
KJ sighed.
"Something happened tonight."
Poppy waited.
KJ explained what happened.
The stranger.
The hoodie.
The questions.
Amber's fear.
The way she'd pleaded with him.
The silence afterward.
When he finished, Poppy shook his head.
"Damn."
"Yeah."
"She was scared?"
"Bad."
Poppy looked at him.
"Can't blame her."
"I know."
"You think she gonna leave?"
KJ didn't answer immediately.
"That's what I'm worried about."
Poppy raised an eyebrow.
"Why?"
"Because she doesn't know this life."
He paused.
"She knows me. Or at least the version of me I've shown her."
Poppy nodded slowly.
"And tonight she saw something else."
"Exactly."
KJ leaned back.
"I've been trying to take it slow with her."
Poppy laughed.
"You? Take it slow?"
"Yeah, me."
"That's new."
"I ain't playing with her."
Poppy studied him for a moment. "Then you need to be honest with her."
KJ looked down.
"I know."
"Because if she finds out everything later, it's gonna be worse."
KJ rubbed his jaw.
"I just don't want to put all that on her."
"Then don't."
Poppy paused.
"But don't lie either."
KJ nodded.
The room fell quiet again.
Smoke slowly filled the air as they talked.
After a while, Poppy looked over at him.
"If she was that scared tonight, though..."
KJ already knew what he was going to say.
"She definitely can't handle the rest."
KJ nodded.
"That's what I was thinking."
He stared toward the floor.
"She don't need to see everything."
Poppy raised an eyebrow.
"And you think you can keep two lives separate forever?"
KJ looked at him.
"I don't know."
For once, he didn't have an answer.
Because the truth was, Amber had started becoming important to him.
And important people had a way of making you question things you'd never questioned before.
KJ finished his drink and stood.
"I should go."
Poppy nodded.
"Aight."
KJ reached the door.
"Tell Amber I said what's up."
KJ laughed.
"You don't know her like that."
"I know. I'm just messing with you."
KJ shook his head.
"Later."
"Later."
The door closed behind him.
KJ walked toward his car.
Before getting inside, he pulled out his phone.
Amber's name was still near the top of his messages.
He stared at it.
His thumb hovered over the keyboard.
He wanted to text her.
Ask if she was okay.
Tell her he was sorry.
Tell her he hadn't wanted her to see that side of him. Tell her that she had nothing to be afraid of when it came to him.
But he couldn't promise that.
Not completely.
So instead, he put the phone away. KJ climbed into his car and started the engine.
The blue lights came on around the interior. For a moment, he just sat there. He thought about Amber.
Then about the life he lived.
Two worlds.
Two versions of himself.
And somehow, for the first time, he was beginning to wonder if the girl he was falling for would ever be able to accept both.
He pulled away from Poppy's apartment and headed home.
The streets became quieter as he drove.
But his mind stayed loud.
Because Amber wasn't just another girl anymore.
And that scared him more than he wanted to admit.
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