29
1005 Words
"Ji wan."
I call his name as we were together.
"Yes?"
"Do you love me?"
"Yes. And I am more than grateful just to be with you. Right now as you're in my arms, I feel powerful."
I felt secure as he wrapped his arms around me. It felt warm. It felt like home.
We stayed on like that for a good while. It was something I'd come back to over and over again.
I was sad as I bid him goodbye. I was too endulged in this thing called love. I wished I could drown in it. I want it to cover me as a way of hiding all my dark secrets.
I love to be loved. It feels good. It makes me seem wanted and longed for.
I was so starved from this attention that I want so much of it now that I had a taste of it.
Love is just like a d**g which keeps me high and away from my bitter reality. As long as I had his arms around me, I was safe.
I went back to Seoul. I had to shift my focus. I can't lose to anyone.
Yet I kept thinking of it. I kept thinking of him. I know I can't keep this up. This thing I share with him.
It bothers me. So much. My head was clouded. I couldn't choose. Did I want to be sober and away from this dangerous love? or did I wan't to go back to my high?
I had to cut this off. How was I so foolish? I surely do need to straighten myself up.
I walk the streets and go to people's offices and point guns in their heads. They pretty much were just pointing at each other which was utterly useless.
I needed more info. Now this is what I want to do more. I just have to drown myself in this b****y war to make me forget about Ji wan.
But still something about it makes ne want to stop it. For me it doesn't feel right.
My head was so crowded so I decided to go to and hide at a building for a while. I bowed my head as I sat at the concrete. My back against the wall.
I couldn't help but wonder. How did it all end up at this? I mean life was already looking bright when I got here but now, I'm in the middle of this battle and I am lost.
I feel like I'm drifting away from focus.
I call Taeyong on my burner phone.
"Hey."
"How is Lily?"
"She's doing great. How 'bout you? you don't sound good."
"I feel lost."
"As always. You only call me when you're down."
"Stop nagging at me."
"Yeah yeah. But don't you wanna come back here? clear your mind?"
"Dangerous."
"Okay. Where are you then?"
"At a building. I don't know which one. My head feels breezy."
"Did you meet your boyfriend?"
"Yeah. But I don't wanna talk about him."
"And why is that?"
"I feel like he's just gonna be a hindrance to my plans. In short I have no time for love."
"To be honest with you, you should've thought that before getting closer to him."
"I knew that. But I didn't follow my brain. I followed my heart."
"You have your brain above your heart for a reason. Now I think you should rest. I know you're tired."
I ended the call.
It sure does feel good to talk to Taeyong. I also am wondering how in the world did no one just hear me talk to him. Maybe this place sure is abandoned.
I go on to bars. I was searching for someone. It was someone who had a high rank in the police force.
I barge into the room. It was full of girls and drinks. It reeked of alcohol in there.
He was happily singing some songs on the karaoke. Soon cut off with me pointing the g*n at him while I chugged a beer.
"Whoo! That was nice."
I smirk.
I tell the girls who were all drunk to go to the side.
I look at each one of them and I think some of them were minors.
"Do your parents know about this?"
"Hey! Shut up you-"
One of the girls flopped down to the table after saying that because of drunkeness.
I roll my eyes and begin to shove the g*n deeper into his forehead.
The barely sober man was all woozy and just laughed. So I took advantage of that.
"So errr, do you know the organization CIC?"
I got closer to him and sat down beside him. I hid my g*n back.
"Organization CA- What?"
"CIC."
"Oh that. That's classified."
He squeals like an seal. Man this guy was turning red from all that drinking.
Must've had a tough day at work.
"Do you have any records of it?"
I ask as I steal away his wallet and keys.
"Nah. They won't let me."
"Who won't?"
"Higher ups."
He scoffs.
"Oh I see. Well then enjoy. Don't go drinking a lot more."
I stood up.
"Wait, have some fun with me!"
He pulls my jacket.
I got pissed.
"Yeah sure."
I smile before I punch him goodnight.
He passed out after that. All I heard were the girls screaming.
I grab his keys and wallet. I noticed that there were no cameras too. This was a pretty private bar.
I look for his car at the parking lot. All the cars here were high end. Broom broom baby.
I found his car soon and I was off to his office. I checked the gps first to know where I was actually going.
I then drove out of there. I was already driving for quite a while but no one was following me. Didn't they expect their most wanted criminal to steal cars and punch drunk officers?
Life was good. At least as I was driving this smooth car.
- Writer
