CHAPTER 17: Before We Became Variables
2334 Words
I couldn't stop staring at Michael.
The classroom suddenly felt unfamiliar.
Not because anything had changed.
But because I had.
For years, I thought I knew the people around me.
I knew Josh.
I knew Ezekiel.
I knew Michael.
At least, I thought I did.
But now I was beginning to realize something terrifying.
Maybe I had never known any of them completely.
Maybe I had forgotten the most important parts.
Especially Michael.
He stood quietly in front of me.
No teasing.
No smile.
No sarcastic remarks.
Just Michael.
The boy who apparently existed before the equation.
Before the resets.
Before Ezekiel became my rival.
Before Josh became my crush.
Before everything became complicated.
I finally spoke.
“Tell me.”
Michael looked at me.
“Tell you what?”
“Everything.”
Ezekiel looked at me.
“Elle—”
I turned toward him.
“No.”
He stopped.
“I don't want another secret.”
I looked back at Michael.
“If I really met you first…”
I took a breath.
“Then I want to remember.”
Michael nodded.
“Okay.”
He sat down.
We followed.
For the first time, the three of us sat together without competing.
No ranking.
No debate.
No equation.
Just three people trying to understand a past that none of us had been allowed to remember.
---
Before Josh
Michael looked at me.
“You were different back then.”
I smiled.
“Different how?”
“You weren't always serious.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I'm not serious now.”
He laughed.
“You are.”
“I'm not.”
“You absolutely are.”
Ezekiel quietly smiled.
I looked at him.
“Don't encourage him.”
He shrugged.
“He's right.”
I rolled my eyes.
Michael continued.
“You were loud.”
I gasped.
“Excuse me?”
“Very loud.”
“I don't believe you.”
“You talked to everyone.”
“That's normal.”
“You made friends everywhere.”
I looked at Ezekiel.
“Was I really like that?”
He smiled.
“You still are.”
I looked at Michael again.
“What changed?”
He became quiet.
“You forgot.”
My smile disappeared.
“Because of the reset?”
“Because of me.”
I froze.
“What?”
“I was the one who convinced you to erase the memories.”
“But I asked you to.”
“Yes.”
“Then why do you say it's because of you?”
“Because I should have stopped you.”
He looked down.
“I knew what forgetting would do to you.”
“What?”
“You wouldn't just forget us.”
He looked at me.
“You'd forget who you were.”
---
I didn't know what to say.
Michael continued.
“You started becoming afraid of people.”
I frowned.
“Me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because every relationship became a possible trigger.”
“A trigger for what?”
“The memories.”
He explained.
“Whenever you became close to someone, you'd remember another timeline.”
I swallowed.
“So I avoided people?”
“Eventually.”
“Everyone?”
“Almost.”
I looked at Ezekiel.
“Even you?”
He nodded.
“Especially me.”
My chest tightened.
“Why?”
“Because your strongest memories were connected to me.”
---
Michael reached into his bag.
He pulled out an old photograph.
He placed it on the table.
I stared.
It was us.
Younger.
Me.
Michael.
Both smiling.
He had his arm around my shoulder.
I was holding up a piece of paper.
I zoomed in mentally.
It was a ranking sheet.
ELLE — TOP 1
MICHAEL — TOP 2
I laughed.
“You were my rival?”
Michael smiled.
“Apparently.”
“You?”
“Yes.”
“You don't look like someone who studies.”
Ezekiel laughed.
Michael glared at him.
“Don't start.”
I laughed too.
For a few seconds, everything felt normal.
Then I noticed something behind us in the photograph.
A boy.
Standing near the doorway.
I stared.
“Who's that?”
Michael looked at the picture.
His smile disappeared.
Ezekiel leaned closer.
I looked at the boy.
He looked familiar.
Too familiar.
“That's…”
Ezekiel whispered.
“Josh.”
My heart skipped.
Josh.
Even before I knew him.
He had already been there.
Watching.
---
Michael nodded.
“That was the first time you saw him.”
I frowned.
“But I met Josh at church.”
“Officially.”
“What does that mean?”
“You saw him before you met him.”
I looked at the photograph.
“Why didn't I remember?”
“Because you weren't supposed to.”
Again.
That sentence.
I was getting tired of hearing it.
“Why?”
Michael took a breath.
“Because Josh was never part of the original equation.”
I stared.
“What?”
“He was introduced later.”
“By who?”
Michael looked at me.
“By you.”
My stomach dropped.
“Me?”
“You wanted another variable.”
“Why?”
“Because you thought the equation was incomplete.”
I looked at Ezekiel.
He shook his head.
“You don't remember that.”
“No.”
Michael continued.
“You believed there was a person who could break the cycle.”
“Josh?”
“Yes.”
“So I chose him?”
“Not exactly.”
“What happened?”
“You met him.”
He paused.
“And everything changed.”
---
I closed my eyes.
The memory returned.
A church.
A younger version of me.
Three Sundays.
The first time I saw Josh.
He was standing with his friends.
Everyone seemed to notice him.
Girls whispered.
Someone said his name.
I remembered thinking:
He's cute.
Then another Sunday.
Then another.
I remembered having a crush.
Then losing it.
Because everyone had one.
And somehow, liking him didn't feel special anymore.
But there was something else.
A feeling.
Like I had met him before.
I opened my eyes.
“Josh wasn't supposed to be there.”
“No.”
“Then why did I meet him?”
Michael smiled sadly.
“Because you were looking for a way out.”
---
I looked at Ezekiel.
“Where were you?”
He looked down.
“Not in the first version.”
My heart stopped.
“What?”
“I wasn't supposed to be there.”
Michael nodded.
“Ezekiel was introduced after Josh.”
I stared.
“So the original equation…”
“Was you and me.”
Michael pointed at himself.
“You and me.”
I felt dizzy.
“Then where did Ezekiel come from?”
Michael looked at him.
“He was the variable we couldn't predict.”
Ezekiel laughed bitterly.
“Story of my life.”
I looked at him.
“You were an accident?”
He smiled.
“Apparently.”
Michael corrected him.
“No.”
He looked at me.
“He was a consequence.”
“Of what?”
“Your choices.”
---
I stood.
“I need air.”
I walked toward the hallway.
Ezekiel followed.
Michael stayed behind.
When we reached the stairs, Ezekiel stopped.
“You okay?”
“No.”
He nodded.
“Fair.”
I sat down.
He sat beside me.
For a while, we said nothing.
Then I asked:
“Were you jealous of Michael?”
He looked surprised.
“Why?”
“In the other timelines.”
He laughed softly.
“Yes.”
“How much?”
“A lot.”
I smiled.
“Why?”
“Because he knew you before I did.”
I looked at him.
“Did you hate him?”
“No.”
“Did you trust him?”
He hesitated.
“Eventually.”
“Why eventually?”
“Because he was always hiding something.”
I laughed.
“Apparently, everyone was.”
Ezekiel smiled.
Then his expression changed.
“Elle…”
“Hmm?”
“You should know something.”
“What?”
“In every timeline where Michael was close to you…”
He paused.
“I was never far away.”
I looked at him.
“What does that mean?”
“You always found me.”
My heart skipped.
“Even when you didn't know me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
He smiled.
“Maybe we were always supposed to meet.”
---
We heard footsteps.
Michael appeared at the top of the stairs.
“There's something else.”
I looked at him.
“What now?”
He held up the notebook.
It was open.
The equation had changed.
MICHAEL — 14%
EZEKIEL — 69%
JOSH — 47%
I frowned.
“What happened?”
Michael shook his head.
“I don't know.”
The numbers started moving.
Michael rose.
15%
16%
17%
Ezekiel's number dropped.
69%
68%
67%
I stared.
“Why is it changing?”
Michael looked at me.
“Because you're remembering.”
I shook my head.
“But why is Michael increasing?”
He didn't answer.
The number continued rising.
21%
24%
27%
Then stopped.
A new sentence appeared.
MEMORY RESTORED: 31%
I frowned.
“Only thirty-one?”
Michael nodded.
“You haven't remembered everything.”
“What am I missing?”
He looked at me.
“Us.”
I swallowed.
“Us?”
“Before the equation.”
---
That night, Michael took me somewhere.
A small park near our old school.
It was almost empty.
He sat on a bench.
I sat beside him.
“Why here?”
“This is where we first became friends.”
I looked around.
Nothing seemed familiar.
Then—
I saw it.
A younger me.
Sitting on the same bench.
Crying.
A group of boys had been laughing at Michael.
He had been holding his books.
One of them knocked them to the ground.
I watched my younger self stand.
“Leave him alone.”
The boys laughed.
“Why?”
“Because I said so.”
One of them pushed me.
Michael immediately stepped forward.
“Don't touch her.”
The boy laughed.
“What are you going to do?”
Michael stood between us.
And suddenly—
I remembered.
I had defended him.
Then he defended me.
We picked up his books together.
And he smiled.
“Thanks.”
I laughed.
“For what?”
“For being brave.”
I looked at him.
“I wasn't brave.”
“Yes, you were.”
“No.”
I smiled.
“I was just angry.”
He laughed.
“Same thing.”
The memory faded.
I opened my eyes.
Michael was looking at me.
“You remember.”
I nodded.
“I remember.”
He smiled.
“That was the beginning.”
---
I looked at him.
“Why didn't I remember you?”
“Because you remembered the pain.”
“And forgot the people.”
He nodded.
I looked down.
“I hated myself.”
Michael shook his head.
“Don't.”
“Why?”
“Because you were trying to survive.”
I looked at him.
“And you?”
“I was trying to save you.”
“Did you?”
He smiled sadly.
“Sometimes.”
“And the other times?”
“I made things worse.”
I laughed softly.
“At least you're honest.”
“I learned from you.”
---
For the first time, I saw Michael differently.
Not as the mysterious Observer.
Not as the third variable.
Not as someone who controlled the resets.
But as the boy who had once stood beside me when nobody else did.
The friend I had forgotten.
The person who knew me before the equation.
And somehow—
that hurt more than discovering he had been the Observer.
Because now I understood what he had lost too.
Me.
---
We sat in silence.
Then Michael asked:
“Can I tell you something?”
“Sure.”
“I was never afraid of you choosing Ezekiel.”
I looked at him.
“Then what were you afraid of?”
He smiled.
“You forgetting me again.”
My heart tightened.
“Michael…”
“You don't have to say anything.”
“I wasn't going to.”
He laughed.
I smiled.
Then he looked toward the sky.
“I don't want to be another variable anymore.”
I frowned.
“What do you want to be?”
He looked at me.
“Your friend.”
Simple.
No pressure.
No equation.
No destiny.
Just friendship.
I smiled.
“Okay.”
He smiled back.
“Okay.”
---
When I returned home, I opened the notebook.
The equation had changed again.
MICHAEL — 31%
EZEKIEL — 68%
JOSH — 45%
Then:
MEMORY RESTORED: 38%
I stared.
A new line appeared.
THE THIRD VARIABLE IS NOT LOVE.
I breathed out.
Then:
IT IS TRUST.
I smiled.
For once, the notebook wasn't asking me to choose.
It was asking me to remember.
And maybe that was Michael's role in the equation.
Not the person I was destined to love.
Not the person who would replace Ezekiel.
But the person who knew who I was before I became lost inside everyone else's expectations.
I closed the notebook.
Then my phone vibrated.
A message from Michael.
«Goodnight, Elle.»
I smiled.
I typed:
«Goodnight, Michael.»
I put my phone down.
Another notification appeared.
This time—
from Ezekiel.
«Don't forget our competition tomorrow.»
I laughed.
I typed:
«I won't.»
Three dots appeared.
Then:
«Good. I don't want to lose you again.»
My smile disappeared.
I stared at the message.
Because I knew exactly what he meant.
And somewhere between friendship, rivalry, memory, and love—
the equation was changing again.
But this time...
I wasn't afraid of the variables.
I was afraid of the answer.
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