CHAPTER 7: What If's
2509 Words
“Michael.”
The name echoed inside my head.
I couldn't move.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't even blink.
For a few seconds, I simply stared at Ezekiel as if he had spoken a language I didn't understand.
Then I laughed.
A nervous, disbelieving laugh.
“No.”
Ezekiel didn't smile.
“No,” I repeated.
He looked at me.
“Elle—”
“No.”
I shook my head.
“That doesn't make sense.”
“It does.”
“How?”
“You changed the equation.”
“I changed Josh.”
“Yes.”
“And somehow Michael disappears?”
“Yes.”
I stared at him.
“That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.”
Ezekiel sighed.
“I know.”
“Then explain it.”
He looked down at the notebook in his hand.
“The three of us were never separate variables.”
I frowned.
“What?”
“We were always connected.”
“That's impossible.”
“You've already seen the notebook.”
He pointed at mine.
“You know it's impossible.”
I looked down.
The words were still there.
RESET FAILURE: 12%
My stomach twisted.
Ezekiel continued.
“Josh is the first variable.”
“Then you.”
“Yes.”
“Then Michael.”
“Yes.”
“So why is Michael being affected now?”
“Because the equation isn't calculating individual relationships.”
He paused.
“It's calculating your entire life.”
I stared at him.
“My entire life?”
He nodded.
“Every decision you make changes the probability of what happens next.”
I shook my head.
“That doesn't explain why Michael would disappear.”
“It does if he only enters your life because of a specific event.”
I froze.
“What event?”
Ezekiel looked at me.
“The bullying.”
I remembered.
Michael.
A younger version of him.
Standing alone.
Being bullied.
Me stepping in.
Us becoming friends.
I swallowed.
“You mean if I don't meet Michael…”
“He doesn't become your friend.”
“That doesn't mean he disappears.”
Ezekiel looked away.
“Not from your life.”
My heart dropped.
“What does that mean?”
He didn't answer.
“Ezekiel.”
He finally looked at me.
“In the original timeline, Michael's life changes because of you.”
I stared at him.
“You save him.”
My throat tightened.
“But if Josh and I become closer earlier…”
Ezekiel nodded.
“You might not be in the same place at the same time.”
I understood.
The equation wasn't simply changing relationships.
It was changing circumstances.
One decision could move me somewhere else.
One conversation could change my schedule.
One friendship could prevent another from ever happening.
I slowly sat down.
“So if I continue…”
“Michael may never meet you.”
I looked at the notebook.
The words blurred.
“But you said he won't exist.”
Ezekiel's expression darkened.
“I said he won't exist in the version of the timeline you're creating.”
I looked up.
“What's the difference?”
“A person can exist.”
He paused.
“And still never become the person you knew.”
I felt a chill.
---
We sat silently.
The street outside was almost empty.
It was strange seeing Ezekiel like this.
I remembered him differently.
In school, he was always confident.
Competitive.
Always challenging me.
Top one.
Top two.
Debates.
Arguments.
He was the person I hated losing to.
But this version of him...
He looked tired.
Like he'd been carrying something much heavier than school.
“You remember everything?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“From the original timeline?”
“Yes.”
“Everything?”
“Not everything.”
“What do you remember?”
He looked at me.
“Enough.”
“That isn't an answer.”
He smiled slightly.
“You really haven't changed.”
I frowned.
“What does that mean?”
“You always want exact answers.”
I rolled my eyes.
“And you always avoid giving them.”
“That's why we were rivals.”
I stopped.
He smiled.
For a second, it felt familiar.
Almost normal.
Then I remembered.
He knew about the reset.
He knew about the future.
He knew about Michael.
And I didn't.
“So why are you helping me?”
He looked away.
“I don't know if I am.”
That answer surprised me.
“What?”
He stood.
“You should be careful.”
“Of you?”
He didn't answer.
“Then who?”
He looked at me.
“Everyone.”
“Josh?”
He hesitated.
“Especially Josh.”
My heart tightened.
“Why?”
“Because you're already changing him.”
“That doesn't make him dangerous.”
“I didn't say he was.”
“Then what are you saying?”
Ezekiel looked at me for a long moment.
“I'm saying you don't know what happens when someone gets everything they wanted.”
I didn't understand.
“What does that mean?”
He stepped backward.
“You'll find out.”
Then he turned.
“Wait.”
He stopped.
“What?”
“You can't just show up at my house, tell me someone might disappear, and then leave.”
He smiled.
“I can.”
“Ezekiel.”
He looked back.
“Don't trust the equation.”
Then he walked away.
I stood at the door.
“Why?”
He didn't turn around.
“Because equations don't have hearts.”
---
What If?
I didn't sleep.
Again.
I sat at my desk until three in the morning.
My notebook was open.
I stared at the three names.
JOSH
EZEKIEL
MICHAEL
I drew lines between them.
Then erased them.
I tried to make sense of it.
Engineering had always been easier.
There was a problem.
You identified the variables.
You found the relationship.
You solved for the unknown.
But this wasn't mathematics.
This was my life.
And there was no formula for love.
No formula for friendship.
No formula for people.
I wrote one question.
WHAT IF?
Then another.
What if I never met Josh?
I imagined it.
Maybe I would have had a completely different first crush.
Maybe I wouldn't have cared about church Sundays.
Maybe I would have spent more time studying.
Maybe I would have been happier.
Or maybe not.
I wrote another.
What if I never met Ezekiel?
No rivalry.
No debates.
No competition.
Maybe I wouldn't have pushed myself as hard.
Maybe I wouldn't have become the person I became.
Then—
What if I never met Michael?
I stopped.
I couldn't imagine it.
Because Michael wasn't just someone I knew.
He was part of my memories.
He was there during some of the hardest days of high school.
He was the person who could make me laugh when I wanted to cry.
He was the person I defended before I even knew how important he would become.
I couldn't erase him.
Not for Josh.
Not for anyone.
I closed my eyes.
Then a thought hit me.
Maybe the question wasn't:
Who do I choose?
Maybe it was:
Who do I refuse to lose?
---
The next morning, I went to church.
I needed to talk to Josh.
I found him outside.
He was carrying boxes.
“Josh.”
He turned.
“Elle.”
He smiled.
“You look tired.”
“I didn't sleep.”
He laughed.
“Why?”
“Thinking.”
“About?”
I hesitated.
“You.”
His smile disappeared.
“Me?”
I nodded.
He put the box down.
“What did I do?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why?”
I looked at him.
“Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you made different choices?”
He thought about it.
“Sometimes.”
“What if you could go back?”
“Back where?”
“Anywhere.”
He smiled.
“I'd probably fix some things.”
“Like what?”
He looked away.
“Things I regret.”
“Do you have a lot?”
He laughed.
“More than you think.”
I studied his face.
“Would you change everything?”
He shook his head.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because if I changed everything…”
He looked at me.
“I might not meet certain people.”
My heart skipped.
“Like who?”
He smiled.
“You.”
I looked away.
“That's cheesy.”
“I know.”
“But…”
“But what?”
I smiled.
“I liked it.”
His smile grew.
“Good.”
We stood there.
Quietly.
And for a moment, I forgot everything.
Ezekiel.
The notebook.
The reset.
Michael.
All of it.
There was only Josh.
And me.
And the strange feeling growing between us.
Then Josh said:
“Elle?”
“Hmm?”
“If you had the chance to change your past…”
I looked at him.
“Would you?”
I thought about it.
“No.”
He smiled.
“Why?”
“Because then I might change the people I met.”
He looked at me.
“Even the bad ones?”
I smiled.
“Especially them.”
He laughed.
“You're weird.”
“Maybe.”
“But I like it.”
My heart skipped.
Again.
And this time, I didn't pretend it didn't.
---
That afternoon, something happened.
Something that shouldn't have.
I was walking home when I saw a familiar figure.
Ezekiel.
He was standing across the street.
Watching me.
I crossed toward him.
“What are you doing here?”
He looked at me.
“You chose him.”
I frowned.
“What?”
“You chose Josh.”
“I didn't choose anyone.”
“You did.”
“How?”
“You went back to him.”
“So?”
“That matters.”
I shook my head.
“You're making no sense.”
He reached into his bag.
He pulled out a folded piece of paper.
He handed it to me.
I opened it.
My hands went cold.
It was a photograph.
A photograph of me and Josh.
Standing outside the church.
But the date printed underneath wasn't 2017.
It was years later.
I looked at Ezekiel.
“What is this?”
“The future.”
I stared at the photograph.
Josh was older.
So was I.
We were standing together.
Smiling.
But there was something wrong.
Someone had been scratched out.
I looked closer.
Three figures were supposed to be standing behind us.
Only two remained.
Josh.
Me.
And—
Ezekiel.
Michael was gone.
My hands started shaking.
“What happened?”
“I told you.”
“No.”
I looked at him.
“You said he might disappear.”
“He already did.”
My heart stopped.
“What?”
“In the future I remember…”
He looked away.
“Michael isn't there.”
I couldn't speak.
“You're telling me that because of me?”
“No.”
He looked at me.
“Because of us.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means we already tried this once.”
I froze.
“What?”
He continued.
“This isn't the first reset.”
I stared at him.
“Then what is it?”
He looked at the sky.
“A correction.”
My chest tightened.
“A correction for what?”
He looked at me.
“For the first time we failed.”
---
The First Reset
My hands were shaking.
“You said this isn't the first reset.”
“Yes.”
“Then how many times?”
He didn't answer.
“Ezekiel.”
“Three.”
I felt dizzy.
“Three?”
He nodded.
“We've lived this before.”
I shook my head.
“That's impossible.”
“So is time travel.”
I looked down at the photograph.
“Who remembers?”
“Me.”
“Josh?”
He hesitated.
“No.”
“Michael?”
“No.”
“Why only you?”
“I don't know.”
I stared at him.
“Then how do you know what happened?”
“Because I was there.”
“Where?”
“In the last timeline.”
“And?”
He looked at me.
“You chose Josh.”
My heart sank.
“What happened?”
“You stayed with him.”
“And Michael?”
“He disappeared.”
I closed my eyes.
“And you?”
“I tried to stop it.”
“Did you?”
“No.”
I looked at him.
“Then why are you here now?”
He smiled sadly.
“Because this time…”
He looked at me.
“I got to you before it was too late.”
I swallowed.
“Too late for what?”
He didn't answer.
The notebook in my bag suddenly vibrated.
I pulled it out.
The pages were turning by themselves.
Then they stopped.
A new equation appeared.
Not three variables.
Four.
JOSH + EZEKIEL + MICHAEL + ELLE = ?
I stared.
Then the word underneath appeared.
CHOICE.
I looked at Ezekiel.
“What am I supposed to do?”
He shook his head.
“That's the problem.”
“What?”
“No one knows.”
---
That night, I went back to my room.
I looked at the photograph again.
Me.
Josh.
Ezekiel.
And the empty space where Michael should have been.
I realized something.
The equation wasn't asking me to solve love.
It was asking me to solve consequences.
Every time I chose something...
someone else paid for it.
I looked at the notebook.
The words slowly appeared.
WHAT IF YOU COULD SAVE EVERYONE?
I whispered:
“Can I?”
The page remained blank.
Then:
WHAT IF SAVING EVERYONE MEANS LOSING YOURSELF?
I froze.
The room became completely silent.
Then my phone vibrated.
One new message.
Unknown number.
I opened it.
You have until the third Sunday.
My heart stopped.
Another message arrived.
After that, the reset will choose for you.
I stared at the screen.
Then another.
And this time, someone will remember everything.
I didn't know what that meant.
But I knew one thing.
The third Sunday was coming.
And whatever happened then...
would decide the fate of all three boys.
Josh.
Ezekiel.
Michael.
And me.
I looked at the photograph one last time.
Then whispered:
“What if I refuse to choose?”
The screen lit up.
One final message appeared.
Then the equation will choose for you.
I slowly lowered my phone.
For the first time since the reset began...
I was no longer trying to find my answer.
I was trying to prevent the question from being asked.
Because maybe the greatest mistake wasn't choosing the wrong person.
Maybe it was believing that love had to be a choice between three people in the first place.
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