The Order of Elysia

Chapter 4- Anger, Temptation and Guilt

The moment she touched the doorknob, the mirror disappeared and was replaced by a red door and Lilly instantly felt a surge of heat - she had avoided the red doors so far, but it was still better than finding out what lay behind the black ones. She noticed her mind starting to cloud again, the faint dizziness returning, but before she knew it, her feet had already carried her further and she found herself in the next room, which resembled a stretched vaulted cellar.

The walls were made of large, rough stone blocks and Lilly couldn't help but see the resemblance to the masonry of the dungeon where she had been tortured. The dim room was long and spacious, bearing several shadowy corners and ends. Directly in front of the entrance stood a stone counter on which she could see a wide array of different weapons, obscuring the view of the rest of the room. Short and long swords, battle axes, war hammers, daggers, bows, spears -she even spotted a morning star.

Lilly was not trained in combat; her father would never have allowed her to put herself in such danger and still, the wide selection of weapons felt like an invitation to pick one up. She considered grabbing a short sword, as a longsword would have been far too heavy for her to lift, so she wandered around the counter to take a closer look at the full selection.

Lilly's shrill scream echoed through the vault as she stepped behind the counter and nearly stumbled over a lifeless body lying on the ground. It was a young woman with brunette hair, lying in an unnaturally twisted position in a pool of blood. Her arms and legs were bent at odd angles and Lilly could see a gaping wound on her head.

She slapped her hands over her mouth and had to fight the urge to throw up again. She wasn’t an expert, but the blood looked fresh and the body hadn’t gone stiff yet. She had just been killed. Frantically, Lilly looked up to scan the room more closely and just as she lifted her head, she spotted a figure rushing toward her from behind at an angle.

Lilly threw herself to the side to dodge the approaching figure- just barely in time. The figure sprinted past her but made a sharp turn and charged straight at her again. She could now see that it was one of the candidates, someone she had already noticed on the ship due to his openly vulgar remarks about women. The black-haired man was not very tall, but he was fit and to her horror, Lilly saw that he was holding a war-hammer in both hands. His pupils were dilated so strongly, that Lilly couldn’t even see the color of his iris under all the blackness.

"What are you doing?”, she shouted at him, hoping to throw him off, whilst stumbling backwards, but the man didn’t slow down. In a fight, she didn’t stand a chance against him, but she was quicker and more agile than the bulky brute. When he still didn’t respond, she shouted:

"Did you do this to her?”

This time, the man froze the second he was about to swing his hammer at her and a wide grin spread across his face.

"Only the strongest survive.”, he grunted, then readied himself for another swing and this time, he did not miss his aim. A heavy blow struck Lilly’s left upper arm, the hammer hit with brutal force, crushing her bone and she felt it snap like a twig beneath her shoulder, but the loud crack was overshadowed by Lilly’s scream.

The pain was overwhelming, as throbbing agony radiated through her entire arm. f**k. When she glanced down, she saw it hanging limp, but she had no time to recover. Even though Lilly’s vision was blurred, she ran, ran as fast as she could, down the long, narrow room, hoping to find a door, or at least a dark corner to hide in, trying to not black out due to the searing pain in her arm. It was hard to think clearly as she ran and the room seemed to go on forever.

When the end of the cellar was finally in sight, she crouched behind a barrel tucked into one of the dark corners of the vault and listened. She didn’t hear running footsteps, but there was a low, heavy stomping sound.

"Fight back!” her inner voice told her. "Fight back!” it said again, the voice twisted- more demanding now. "Fight him. Kill him, or he will kill you.”

A vision appeared in Lilly’s head, a vision of her splitting the candidate’s head in two with an axe, his brain spilling out as he collapsed dead to the ground. The thought was so vivid and detailed that it felt almost indistinguishable from reality.

"Kill him. He deserves it. He’s a murderer.”

The stomping came closer. "Come out so I can kill you, traitor!”, the black-haired initiate snarled.

"If I don’t do it now, the others will eventually. No one wants a traitor in their midst.”

Lilly’s blood froze and she felt anger taking over, whilst the voice in her head grew more insistent:

"Did you hear that? Kill him. Now.”

Suddenly, she felt something hard and long pressing against her back. Reaching behind her into the dark shadows of the corner she crouched in, her fingers closed around a short sword. She had expected it to be heavy, too heavy for her to lift, but it felt light and agile in her hand.

A wave of confidence surged through her. The sword. Yes, now she could fight back. Now she could… kill him. She remembered the words the man had just yelled at her, rage clouding her mind. Invasive thoughts swarmed her conscience once more; visions of running him through with her blade, piercing his heart with one clean thrust. She had to surprise him. She had the advantage, she knew roughly where he was, while she still remained hidden from his view.

"When he passes you, slice his throat. One clean cut.” the vile voice echoed in her mind.

Lilly nodded. There was no other way. No other choice. She could only live if she killed him and drenched her pale, trembling hands in his blood. He had called her a traitor. He deserved to die.

The candidate was nearly at her level now, just a few more steps and she’d be in striking range, if he walked past and turned his back on her. Three more steps. Two. One…Lilly launched herself from the darkness, fully intent on slashing the man’s throat, it was okay, he was vulgar, malevolent and a murderer. She took him by surprise from the side and before he had the chance to react, she jumped onto his back, trying to suppress the excruciating pain she was feeling in her broken arm, due to the motion, but she pressed through it, the adrenaline in her body helping her. He stumbled, then fell backwards, crashing to the ground with her still clinging to him.

The impact knocked the air from Lilly’s lungs, as she was crushed under the brute’s weight, but luckily he didn’t fall on her damaged arm and Lilly still held on to the sword to her right. He had dropped his warhammer and she was lying right beneath him, her blade pressed directly onto his throat.

"Yes. Yessss. Do it quickly. End this filth!”, the voice rang inside her head.

Lilly was overwhelmed by the hatred she felt toward this man. She barely knew him and yet she knew that the world would be a better place if he no longer existed. She wanted to cut him open, to make him suffer for what he had said to her, to torture him. Yes, to cut off his fingers and make him eat them one by one.

With a jolt, the dark thoughts stopped. The idea of torturing someone was so foreign to Lilly, as she had lived through the hellish agony of torture herself and now these thoughts… such hatred, such revulsion, she had never thought anything like it before. Did that really come from within her? No, it couldn’t possibly have originated from her, the thought of feeding someone his own fingers repulsed Lilly to her core.

Disturbed by her outburst of rage, Lilly slowly drew the blade away from the man’s throat. He scrambled up in confusion, which gave Lilly a chance to roll to the side and reach for his hammer. She couldn’t let him reclaim his weapon.

Gasping for air, she crawled toward the hammer, expecting him to lunge at her before she could even reach the weapon, but to her surprise, the man did not turn around to her and took a few steps toward the far end of the room. Where exactly, Lilly couldn’t tell at first, as his bulky body blocked her view, but then, finally, without a word, he disappeared through a yellow-colored door.

There were two doors, one green and one yellow. There was no way Lilly was going to enter the yellow room, after that disgrace of an Initiate just left in that direction, so she chose to take the green door, whilst she wondered how much time had passed and how far in the trial she had proceeded.

Lilly expected to enter another dimly lit room, just like the ones before, but this room looked completely different than the others; it was illuminated by sunlight and her eyes had to adjust to the brightness for a second, until she realized she had stepped outside. Somehow, the surroundings seemed familiar to her. Through her blurred vision, Lilly tried to make out where she was and why she felt so calm all of the sudden. She squinted her eyes in the hope of better recognizing the outlines.

It smelled like fresh grass and flowers and as if someone was having a cake in the oven. Lilly heard voices, but not like the ones she’d heard in her head before. Someone was speaking, a person. She turned in the direction the sound came from and saw the silhouette of one, no, two people.

"Come sit with us, sweetheart. We made your favourite- blackberry pie with whipped cream- for dessert.”

Who was the lady talking to? Lilly didn’t recognize the soft female voice, but it sounded warm and kind, almost musical, luring her further into the direction it had come from. She could now make out a set table surrounded by a few chairs and a large building towering behind them. Where had she seen it before? She tried to focus, to wrap her mind around the blurry scene.

"Melody, darling, answer when your mother speaks to you.”, Lilly froze when she heard her father’s voice.

"Father?” Why was he speaking of her mother in that way?

"Sit down, Melody, the pie will be done in a few minutes.”

Lilly didn’t need to be asked another time. She staggered over to her parents, suppressing the tears forming in her eyes. They were sitting at a table in her small garden in Fortress Alenhold, waiting for her with expectant smiles. Home, she was finally home again. How she had missed it.

"Mom?”, Lilly turned to her mother and tried to focus on her face as best as she could. She was a beautiful woman with midnight-blue eyes and dimples on her cheeks.

"Yes, sweetheart?”, the woman asked as she took her husband’s hand into hers and gave him a playful smile, but Lilly didn’t know what to ask. Something bothered her, there was something that just didn’t sit well with her, but she couldn’t remember what it was.

"It’s dangerous here… I think.”, Lilly stammered toward her parents, but they only smiled back at her.

"Don’t be silly my love, Alenhold is not dangerous and here with us, you are safe.”

"Yes, but my arm…”, Lilly looked down at herself, but it didn’t hurt that much anymore, she only felt a subtle throbbing beneath her skin. How did she even hurt herself?

"Oh right, your arm. You were clumsy again and fell off your horse, but it’s nothing serious. Just a minor bruise. I have prepared you this remedy to drink, it will lessen the pain.”, said Lilly’s mother as she poured her a glass of elderflower juice. Lilly was incredibly thirsty, but she was too distracted by the question how she hurt herself; had she really fallen from a horse? She couldn’t remember it. Where had she even been before she got here?

She held on to the thought. Where have I been?, but it slipped from her and she found herself back, sitting at the garden table with her parents. How lovely it was to visit them; to sit together and have afternoon tea, like they used to and how she missed the garden.

"We’ve made your bed up in your old room, since you’ll be staying a bit longer this time.”

Lilly nodded, the last time she had visited she had only stayed for two days, this time she would visit her parents a little longer than that.

"Drink.", her mother gestured to the glass she had just filled and Lilly didn’t want to let her wait any longer. She picked up the cup of cold, fresh elderflower juice and was just about to take a sip when a smell hit her nose, so strongly reminiscent of something that she instinctively asked:

"Is this elderflower juice? It smells like something else, but I can’t tell what."

Lucar turned his gaze toward the full glass in Lilly’s hand and replied: "Of course, my darling. What else would it be? It will ease the pain.”

"Never mind.” Lilly said absentmindedly, lowering the glass back onto the table, to her father’s visible disapproval, but he did not intervene. Instead, Lucar sighed, then smiled and reached for the old deck of cards that was placed on the table right in front of him. "Well then.”, he said, tapping the stack gently against the table, "How about a game of Canasta while we wait?”

Lilly nodded. "Just one.” she said automatically, though the idea felt both comforting and distant, like a memory playing itself out on repeat. The cards shuffled between her father's hands and soon they were absorbed in the game, laughter over small victories, quiet muttering over bad hands, her mother’s teasing comments about how rusty Lilly had gotten. It felt natural, almost too natural, as her body played along, her hands knew where to move, what to discard and when to draw. They played another round. Her mother clapped at Lilly’s win and her father joked about needing revenge. The pie was always just a few more minutes away.

"Maybe I could just get a glass of water instead?”, Lilly asked, gesturing again to the untouched elderflower juice beside her. Her mouth was dry and her tongue heavy. "The smell makes me nauseous.”.

Her mother paused only briefly and her voice was sweet. "There’s nothing wrong with the juice, darling. Just drink it already and quench your thirst.”

It was that word, quench, that clung to her thoughts like a thorn. How did she know how thirsty Lilly was? She glanced at the porcelain plate in front of her, still empty and then back at her parents, at their calm, expectant faces. Something was wrong, but what the hell was it?

Lilly glanced up at the sky. The sun still hung just above the horizon, caught in that soft amber glow of late afternoon, it hadn’t dipped any lower since she arrived, not even by a fraction. That couldn’t be right. When she first stepped into the garden, it must have been close to half past four, maybe five at the latest. But now? She’d lost count of how many rounds of Canasta they’d played. Time should have moved, shadows should have stretched and the air should have cooled, but it didn't.

Her gaze drifted to her mother, who was humming softly as she rearranged the cards with serene patience. There was something odd in her movements, that wasn’t how her mother moved… her mother… How did her mother move? And since when did elderflowers have healing properties? Lilly’s eyes flicked back to the untouched glass. The scent was still wrong.

She jumped to her feet. A dream! It felt like a lucid dream. Suddenly, all the memories came flooding back. Where she was. That she had been poisoned with a powerful hallucinogen. That she had already completed other gruelling tasks. Her mother was dead and that smell, that sweet, flowery scent in the elderflower juice, was just more of that disgusting Brugmansia extract, meant to pull her even deeper into delirium.

"You're not real!”, she burst out at her false parents, but they didn’t respond, just looked at her with their sad gazes.

"This isn’t real.”, she said once more and began to search the surroundings, desperate for an exit from the dream. She tried to pinch herself, but nothing happened.

"It doesn’t matter.”, her mother chirped sweetly. "It feels good, doesn’t it?”

But Lilly was no longer really listening; she refused to be lulled again, to be manipulated by a simple projection. That thing had nothing to do with her mother. Even if her father looked eerily convincing, almost enough to fool her into believing this was just an ordinary family dinner, it just wasn’t right. No. They were messing with her mind, with her consciousness.

"Stay with us a little longer.”, Lucar added, "You won’t even know that it’s not real, if you don’t want to.”

A part of her wanted to agree, to sit back down and play just one more round of Canasta, to stay in this perfect stillness where they could be the family she had always longed for. A part of her craved to surrender to it, to let herself believe, but she resisted the pull; she would not stay in a lie, no matter how sweet it tasted.

"No.”, Lilly loudly pressed out with confidence.

With a zap, the entire scene collapsed inward, sucked toward the center of the room until it disappeared and Lilly suddenly found herself standing in a small chamber with wooden walls and wooden floors. A single yellow door was placed lonely in the center of the wall to Lilly’s left. She had no other options this time and noticed that she had not seen a color she had entered again after leaving the room.

There, where no immediate danger lurked, she finally had the chance to rest briefly and Lilly took a moment to catch her breath and gather herself. Her whole body boiled from the poisoning, her heart was racing and her stomach still churned with nausea. Her arm was now numb, which was better than the pain she had endured before, but she did not have any equipment to bandage it at hand.