SAVE ME

TWO

 Life is full of crazy moments, both bad and good. Even with this knowledge, they tell us to live our lives to the fullest and get out of our shells. But what if you're stuck in that shell and you simply can't get out?

What if you were so trusting but every time they broke that trust they pushed you deeper that you can no longer feel, no longer find your way out of it?  What if you were so lost in that same darkness desperately praying for freedom but it's been way too long that you gave up?

As I sat in class, I tentatively listening to the teacher whose name I could no longer remember. PS: I am really not good with names especially when I don't give two shits about you. All I know is that he's a male teacher and well, he's teaching chemistry.

Getting lost in my thoughts, I once again thought back to all the things that have happened over the last few months. All of them playing in my mind like a long playlist on repeat.

      Their voices were taunting and tantalizing, never seem to leave me alone or let me be happy. Even as a memory they felt so real, an illusion cast over the echoing insults in my mind. It's on days like this when I'm in a naturally sad mood that these nightmares haunt me even during the day.

'She's not worthy of anything', 'You're just useless, 'You don't deserve any sort of special treatment'

As the voices get louder and more jumbled with each loud statement sending a jolt of pain to my heart, I feel my heart constricting and a burning sensation in my lungs.

  The dizziness started to set in as I tried to grasp on to reality. 'You deserve something' I finally hear a soft voice telling me amidst all the shouting of insults in my mind.

Trying to calm me down I tell myself the same thing," You deserve something. You're worthy."

I repeat the sentence over and over so that I can finally believe it, finally understand what it means to not question your very own existence and sanity. Every time it happens I question myself, I tell myself that I'm numb from the pain but it's just me giving myself hope. Hoping -  no, scratch that, praying that it will be over someday. But even as I say this to myself I can still the seeds of doubt buried deep within me and I can't help but think,

It's been four years.......... what if it never ends...what if that day never comes?

Luckily, I calm down and I am able to go through with the rest of the remaining lesson and actually be able to get something from the teacher, whose name is actually Mr. Ravenmont by the way. The bell finally rings and everyone rushes out to the cafeteria.

At my own pace, I moved towards the lockers since mine wasn't too far off from the chemistry class hence it didn't take me that much time before I was done and on my way to the cafeteria with my lunch secured in my bag.

Reaching the cafeteria, everything was just as I had imagined it would be. Almost every high school clique was here. The bad boys, the school jocks, the Gothic girls, the slutty bimbos, the queen bees, the nerds, the emo kids, the Glee club and so on. I could honestly go on for hours and hours on end but I won't so that you don't get bored with that.

The place was packed and I was lucky to get a table for my own at a corner. It had a great view of the cafeteria. I could see almost everyone clearly from here. I saw Jayden and Ace sitting with a few other boys on a table not far from where I was seated. Ace was quiet and busying himself with his phone as expected, only looking up once in a while to talk to this guy next to him. It was pretty clear in his features he was bored and it pained him to keep up the conversation with that guy. I honestly don't think the other guy took the hint.

His actions were so painfully calculated that only a sharp eye could see the true normality behind the perfection of his personality. One thing though was the way he built himself was so different and peculiar that as I stood and left for my final class, I had a few questions in mind directed at him.

What are you made of Ace? What happened to you that made you build this obnoxiously annoying perfect character that you are? Keeping secrets, aren't we?

*****

My last period was a free period which was to be spent in the library brushing up on things that I had been taught that day like I usually do. That or finish up reading a novel I had started. Home is usually hectic and I sometimes reach home too tired to even speak  Speaking of home brought a smile to my face though. It was the only place I felt safe and content.

As I walked towards the library I saw Ace talking to a girl near the library entrance. I couldn't see her face since she was facing him and I was facing her back but even from here you could see that he was utterly smitten with her. He actually had a smile on his face as he talked to her, contrary to his signature frown. It wasn't a full-blown smile yes, but with his reputation with scowls, I'd say it was somehow acceptable.

What's this Ace, someone you care about enough to show them a different better side of you? Interesting.

Quickly diverting my attention from the loved up pair, I got inside the library before any of them could see me.

****

The bell indicating that it was time to go home rang at last and boy was it loved by all. Frankly speaking, I also loved home time a lot, just like the other animals in this place. It meant that it was time for me to leave this hell hole and finally go home to my safe haven.

The halls were a bit too noisy for me so I quickly went to put my books in my locker then headed out to the parking lot. 

Melia was standing next to my black Audi with a few other girls which I assumed were her friends. The black Audi was a birthday gift from my beloved parents soon after I got my license and I loved it way too much that I named it Nixon.

Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want but put my baby out of this.

Melia or as I call her Lia for short, was talking and laughing with her friends. Seeing her laugh is also one of the few things that always managed to put a smile on my face. I just simply feel happy and at ease when I see her happy as she is right now.

"At least Lia is happy about this place. I guess I can live with that at the moment." I told myself as I neared them.

When she saw me her whole face lit up and I was glad to see it that way. I honestly don't care about most people, but to me, the family is immensely important. The fact that my little sister is happy even if it was just because she saw me warms my black little heart.

"Hey Vee." She said to me.

" Hey, Lia. I see you're coping well." I replied the added," Who are these girls?"

Shifting my gaze to the two girls that were standing with her

"This is Sonia," she said while pointing to the redhead," And this is Eva" pointing to the brunette.

"Your friends?" I asked faking a dumb voice just to make her bring out her sass.

"No, my minions." And the ball hits home! My little sister, as sassy as ever. " Of course their my friends. What else would they be? My enemies?"

" Exactly my point. Let's go." I said as I walked towards the driver's side. 

"Bye girls," I said to her friends with my best-practiced smile and got in the car. Lia said her goodbyes and we were on our way home.

                                             ********************************************

                  It was finally time for me to go to sleep. Remembering what happened when we got home I smiled at myself. Mum had bombarded us with questions about our first day the moment we got home from school.

After giving replies to all her questions she finally let us off the hook and we went to our rooms. But due to dinner it was my dad's turn to ask us questions. I know what you're thinking, runs in the family.  All in all it was all eventful and for a few hours, I was able to keep the nightmares that haunt me at bay.

So I guess today wasn't too good of a start but I guess it's something at least. With yet another frown I fell into the abyss of darkness we call sleep. Questions still circled my mind but a few we're bolder and clearer.

You have someone to pull you out of the darkness Ace. What about me? When will I find the one to pull me out?

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